


A Pink Time-Problem

by Milky_Boy_Blue



Series: Second Summer [3]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Cults, Dinosaurs, Future, Gen, Police, Post-Weirdmageddon, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-11-23 23:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 67,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milky_Boy_Blue/pseuds/Milky_Boy_Blue
Summary: In the far future, a dangerous prisoner was put away for eternity for his ties to a demented cult whose only goal was to hasten the end of the universe and benefit from the chaos that would ensue.  Now that prisoner has escaped from the legendary Infinetentiary, only the second person to ever do so.  Considering the danger that the cult poses to all of reality, a time-wide manhunt is declared in the hopes of finding him before he begins the first step of the cult's deadly plan.  When he is headed is uncertain.  Where he is going is clear: the town of Gravity Falls.





	1. Chapter 1

“RED TIME-ALERT!  RED TIME-ALERT! ALL MEMBERS OF TPAES TO THE BRIEFING ROOM IMMEDIATELY!”

Lolph and Dundgren looked up from their reports as the artificial voice of the Intelligent Alarm System blared throughout the headquarters of the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squad.  They gave each other a determined nod as they stepped outside of their office and joined the other operatives rushing to the briefing room.

Settling into empty chairs, Lolph turned to his partner.  “There hasn’t been a red time-alert since that fiasco with Cipher.  What do you think it is?”

“We’re about to find out,” said Dundgren, nodding to the front of the room where Commander Axel, a tall woman who proudly wore the scars of several dangerous missions, stepped up to the podium.

“Everybody shut the hell up and listen,” she growled as her officers settled down to give her their full attention, the situation too serious for any rabble.  Never one to waste words, she got straight to the point: “Someone broke out of the Infinetentiary.” The room stirred. There had only ever been one person to ever escape the Infinetentiary before: Blendin Blandin.  No one knew how he had achieved this, it was one of the greatest mysteries they had ever come across. For another to escape only added to the intrigue.

“It gets worse,” said Commander Axel with a sigh.  “The escapee is Phillip Pink.” The mutterings that had followed the mention of the escape died when the name left her lips.  Lolph and Dundgren stared at the commander in shock.

“Yep,” she agreed, “This is pretty bad.”  She turned to the holographic projector behind her and activated it with the control in her hand.  A hologram appeared at the front of the room, showing a tall, muscular man with stylised ginger hair, faint freckles and a broad grin.  “You all know just how dangerous this piece of crap is. We’ve no idea how he got out and right now I don't care. What I do care about is finding him as soon as we can and stopping him from getting any more innocent people hurt.  Questions?”

One officer raised her hand.  “Do we have any idea when he's going?” She asked when the commander nodded to her.

Axel shrugged.  “We’re not sure.  He’s on the run so he’s probably going to try and find somewhere to lay low before he travels through time.  He'll need to find a time tape first and that won't be easy.”

“Do you think he’ll try to find any more members of the Cult?” asked another officer as several others raised their hands.

“Has someone contacted his ex?  Could be he’s on a revenge trip?”

“He could be trying to fulfill the Cult’s mission on his own - has anyone checked if there’s any major paradoxes?”

“Look people,” said Axel impatiently as the questions continued, “Pink’s too smart to try anything without the proper equipment.  It won't matter what his goal is if we don't find him, so think! Where could he find weapons, tools and time tape?”

“Uh, here?” suggested the least experienced officer in the room, making his partner slap himself on the forehead.

The others in the room all laughed and even the commander smirked at the flustered cop.  “Yeah, sure,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “Like Pink’s gonna dare to show his face here.”

“ANOTHER RED TIME-ALERT!  PHILLIP PINK HAS BROKEN INTO THE PRIMARY ARMOURY!  GIVE THE NEWBIE A RAISE!”

“Who da man?” Cried said newbie, raising an expectant hand to his incredulous partner as the others dashed out of the briefing room.

Commander Axel led the charge, Lolph and Dundgren at her heels as they all drew their plasma pistols, slowing when they reached the corner of the corridor that led to the armoury.  

“Pink!” She yelled, peeking around the corner then motioning to the others when she saw it was clear.  “We’ve got you outnumbered and surrounded! Give up before someone gets hurt!”

“Oh aye, I’ll just turn myself in now that I’ve actually made it this far, shall I?” came the sarcastic response as the time police took positions on either side of the armoury door.  “Don’t be an eejit, Commander. I’ve come too far to stop now.”

“Don't call me an eejit, you idiot!” Snapped Axel as she held up three fingers and slowly lowered one.  “Come on, Pink, do you really think you can get out of this?” She lowered another finger. “Are you really that desperate?”  Axel started to lower her last finger as Lolph and Dundgren prepared to lean into the room.

“Yep, pretty desperate,” came the reply before they heard the familiar sound of a time-jump, Axel leaping from her position and firing too late at the fading outline.

“Damn it!” She snarled before she started barking orders.  “Check the inventory, find out what he took! Show me the recordings so we can find out when he went!” She motioned to Lolph and Dundgren.  “You two with me,” she snapped, leaving the room.

“I doubt they'll find anything on the recordings,” she admitted as she led them away from the crime scene.  “He’s too smart to let the cameras see when he went but at least we can learn what equipment he's got.  And we've got you two - you're the best, so if anyone can find him and take him down, you can.”

“We won’t let you down, Commander,” said Lolph, raising his fist to his partner.

“Let us know when he is and we’ll throw him back in his cage,” agreed Dundgren, meeting his partner’s fist with his own.

“Well that’s the million space credit question, isn't it?” sighed Axel.  “Still, at least we’re pretty sure where he’s going.” They reached the secondary armoury and she motioned for the men to enter.  “Prepare yourselves,” she advised them. “Requisition whatever you need, I’ll sign for all of it. As soon as they let me know what he stole we’re heading straight to Gravity Falls.”

 

* * *

 

Robbie Stacey Valentino drummed his fingers along a fence post in boredom as his girlfriend updated her status for the hundredth time that hour.  

“You want to go back inside?” Tambry asked, not even lifting her eyes from her phone.  “There’s TV in there at least.”

Robbie glared back at his house and saw his parents still smiling and laughing as they removed the snack from the occupied glass coffin they were using as a table.  “Ugh, no way,” he groaned. “I’m not going back in there! Not with their ‘oh Robbie, you two are so amazing together!’ or ‘we love you so much and love how happy you’ve become!’ attitude!”  He rolled his eyes. “Geez, why can’t they complain about my grades or tell me to stop wasting my life like Wendy’s dad, huh?”

“Wendy’s dad doesn’t complain about her grades anymore,” said Tambry as she continued texting.  “Not since she’s been getting Bs all over the place.”

Robbie gave a disbelieving snort.  “Hah, yeah right, good one!”

Tambry glanced up from her phone and met his disbelieving gaze.

“Wait, seriously?” asked Robbie as Tambry returned to her phone.  “Woah, how’d she manage that? I mean, my grades aren’t the best but Wendy’s-”

“Dipper’s been tutoring her.  They’ve had a weekly study session online for, like, the last few months now.”

“Huh,” said Robbie, thinking back on the last year and realising that he couldn’t remember the last time she had mentioned arguing with her father about her grades.  “She never told me,” he said quietly. “Do you think she did that ‘cause of the thing with the principal?”

Tambry stopped texting and looked at him.  They thought back to several months before when a bored Wendy, sick and tired of the restraints put on the town and school by the Never Mind All That Act, had decided to play a prank on the humourless principal to bring some joy back into her frustrated life.  She had somehow managed to stuff his office full of balloons unnoticed, most filled with air but others with water or foam, all painstakingly designed to burst at the slightest provocation. She had gathered her friends to the hall leading to his office and waited with great expectation as the too-strict man who had made their lives at school even worse for as long as they had been there opened his door...and broke down in tears and had to be taken to see Professor Passuum straight away as they watched in horror.  

The next day the entire school was summoned to the gym where the vice-principal informed the confused pupils that the principal had retired and would not be returning again.  The only reason given was Never Mind All That. The moment the students were told to go back to their classrooms, Wendy left the line to speak to the vice-principal and didn’t return with the rest of the class.  Looking out the window twenty minutes later, Thompson saw Manly Dan’s jeep outside the school and at lunch they heard others students say that Officer Mendez had been seen in the halls. It was not uncommon for this to happen when Wendy Corduroy was involved, but this would usually end with her appearing at most an hour later with a scowl on her face.  Her friends didn’t see her for the rest of that day.

The next morning, Wendy was back in class and refused to talk about what had happened, only stating that she wouldn’t play a prank at school again and that their former principal deserved to be left alone.  She had been true to her word. Sure, she still received her fair share of detentions do to her attitude and the occasional fight, and she was still happy to engage in pranks outside of the school, but now she choose her targets with much more care.

“Did she ever tell you what happened that day?” asked Robbie.  “What they said in the office?”

“Yeah,” said Tambry, nodding slowly.  “And the next day she made me promise not to tell anyone else.  And I’m going to keep that promise.”

“Yeah, that’s fair,” said Robbie.  “I’m glad she told someone at least.  She’s right you know. About the whole town keeping everything bottled up.  Even with the Prof, that’s gonna cause some major issues down the line. Hey, did she ever explain why they cancelled that party last week?  All I got was your message, nobody else seems to know anything about why.”

“No,” said Tambry with a worried frown.  “All she said was that I should contact everyone in town and tell them the party’s off.  And if they asked why just say Never Mind All That and that we shouldn’t mention it to Mabel at all.  I never thought I’d hear Wendy use that as an excuse. Must have been something important. Or really bad.”

Their thoughts led to other memories, of maniacal high-pitched laughter, a distorted voice mocking them as they were unable to move or scream, a time when the thought of death offered as much relief as it did fear.  

Tambry put her phone away and Robbie put an arm around her as she leaned against him.  “Never mind all that,” he told her gently. “That’s all in the past. What’s important is that we’re here now.  Together. And I’m actually looking forward to seeing Mabel. Without her, we might never of gotten together, remember?  I’m even willing to put up with her brother for that!”

Tambry smiled at him, only for it to fade as they saw a patrol car drive up to the front of the house, a slash on the side and a large dent on the hood and a scowling hispanic woman in a sheriff deputy’s outfit got out to glare at them.

“You!” snapped Officer Gloria Mendez, pointing an accusing finger at Tambry, the two teens flinching at the attention from Gravity Falls’ only competent member of law enforcement.  “Where the hell is Corduroy?” she demanded, getting out of her car and closing the damaged door after some difficulty.

“I don’t know!” snapped Tambry defensively as the officer moved around the car to get closer to them.  “And even if I did, I wouldn’t say!”

“Yeah, thick as thieves, aren’t you?” sneered Mendez.  “Well you’d better tell her to get her pale butt over to the station as soon as she can to answer for what she did to my car and Main Street!”

“Whoah, Wendy did that?” said Robbie as they looked at the damaged vehicle.  “Are you sure? I mean, she usually doesn’t go that far in her pranks and damaging a cop car is a bit-”

“I know what I saw!” Mendez almost screamed at him before she took a deep breath.  She pulled off her hat and scratched at her arm, just below the patch where the word ‘ofisor’ appeared where deputy should have been.  “Look,” she said, lowering her voice. “I get it, you don’t talk to the cops when your friend’s in trouble. Fine. But you should at least tell her that the sooner she turns herself in the easier it’ll be.  I don’t know if it was a ghost or whatever but the sooner she explains herself, the less trouble she’ll be in. Can you do that at least?”

Robbie gave a snort.  “Yeah, and why would we tell Wendy to do that?”

Officer Mendez took a step towards him, the tall teen taking a step back despite the woman barely coming up to her shoulders.  “Because I said so and the sooner I find Corduroy the less stressed I’ll be, and the less stressed I am, the less likely I’ll be to accidentally run over your guitar and bike.  That a good enough reason?”

“Uh,” said Robbie, blinking nervously before he composed himself.  “I mean, whatever, sure, maybe I’ll do that. Or maybe I won’t. Whatever.”  He added, trying to regain his indifferent attitude.

Officer Mendez said nothing, just continuing to glare at the teens for a few seconds more as they started to sweat despite themselves.  Then she returned to her vehicle, struggling again with the door before she drove away.

“What the hell was that about?” wondered Tambry as the car disappeared around a corner.  “And did she say ghost? Man, ghosts are the worst!”

“Yeah, ghosts suck,” agreed Robbie.  “But what did you expect? Those kids always seem to bring trouble with them.  I mean, you heard about the bus that brought them here? I heard it was torn to shreds!”

“Yeah, Wendy said that was the Manotaurs,” said Tambry, pulling out her phone again.  “Said they’d kidnapped Dipper and then they went on a quest to rescue the kid.” She quickly summarised the adventure Wendy had went on the week before.

Robbie’s frown deepened as he listened to her talk.   _She never told me any of that either_ , he thought to himself.

“Wow,” said Robbie when she had finished.  “Told you those kids are like a trouble magnet.  Especially Dipper. I mean, he actually goes looking for the stuff!”  A familiar van stopped just at the gate of the fence and the couple made their way to it.  “One day that’s going to get him seriously hurt!” he continued as he slide the door open, high-fiving Lee and Nate as they took their seats.

“Get who seriously hurt?” asked Thompson nervously from the driver's seat.  “Is it me? Oh man, I hope it’s not me!”

“Relax, Thompson,” scoffed Robbie the van started to move.  “I was talking about Dipper and the way he’s always finding trouble and spooky stuff.”  A thought suddenly came to him. “Hey, you guys ever wonder why it’s only now that people are noticing all these strange monsters and stuff?  I mean, you’d think someone would have noticed that there’s a cave of minotaurs and a bear monster out there.”

“Wendy said that there used to be this, like, secret society or something that went around wiping people’s memories whenever they saw something weird,” said Tambry, looking up from her phone to speak to him again, something that she only rarely did for others.  “But then she stopped it with the help of the twins, the McGucket guy and that Soos guy she works for now.”

“Huh,” said Lee, “I don’t remember seeing anybody who looked like they were in a secret society.”

“That’s ‘cause the would have wiped your memory, doofus!” laughed Nate, punching him in the shoulder.  

“Your mom’s a doofus,” retorted Lee, punching him back.

“Oh yeah, Nate, we still good for that music concert next Friday?” asked Robbie.

Nate groaned in misery.  “Oh man, I dunno. My mom’s pretty p.o.’d at my grades.  Don’t know if she’s willing to drive us to it.”

“Heh, should have gotten Dr Funtimes to help you with your grades, bro,” said Lee.

“So, uh, you guys knew that Dipper was coaching Wendy?” asked Robbie.

“Yeah, of course dude, she talks about him all the time,” said Lee as Nate and Thompson nodded.  “She said Dipper’s actually really good and she’s hoping to talk him into tutoring us too and hopefully convince him to do it for free if we’re nice to her.”

“Heh, she’s got that poor guy wrapped around her little finger,” grinned Nate.

“Wait, he’s still got that thing for her?” asked Thompson.  “I mean it’s been almost a year, shouldn’t he have moved on by now?”

Nate gave a snort.  “Come on Thompson, they’ve been spending so much time online he probably hasn’t had a chance to move on.  And it’s gonna be hitting him full-throttle now that he’s seeing her in person again. Doesn’t help that she’s been spending so much of her time at the Shack and inviting him and his sister everywhere she goes.”

Robbie scratched his chin as he thought about that.  As far as he had been aware, Wendy hadn’t been spending any more time at the Shack than needed, and he hadn’t heard anything about Wendy spending time with the twins.  He glanced at Tambry and saw that this didn’t surprise her any more than it did the others.

“Poor little dude,” sighed Lee.  “We really need to find him some girl his own age.  Don’t wanna see his heart broken, y’know?”

“Wendy already told him she’s not interested,” said Tambry with a shrug.  “But he’s still just a kid, sometimes they struggle to move on. I mean, there was this one time when Wendy and me were five, she became totally obsessed with this cute older boy she met on the street for, like, five minutes.”  Tambry rolled her eyes. “Talked about him for months. It was sickening. He’s probably at college now or something.”

“Yeah, but sometimes it’s not just kids who can’t move on,” said Thompson.  “I mean, look at Robbie! Remember that time we found him moaning in that grave just because he was still upset about-”

“Shut up, Thompson!” snapped Robbie, throwing an empty can at the back of his head and making the van swerve dangerously.  “And watch the road!”

“Sorry!” said Thompson, gulping nervously as he glanced through the rear-view mirror and saw Tambry’s  venomous stare.

Robbie pulled his hood up and glared out the window as Tambry returned to her phone with renewed intensity while Nate and Lee continued their snickering, probably at his expense.

He ignored them, thinking back to that time in his life when, still heartbroken over Wendy dumping him and furious over Dipper’s role in it, he had wallowed in a misery that was excessive even for him.  He glanced over at Tambry and thought of how he felt now compared to when he was dating Wendy. She glanced up from her phone and they exchanged a brief smile that made him happy in a way Wendy never had.  How could he have wasted so much time chasing after Wendy when Tambry had been there the whole time? He’d wasted years on her. Not months, years. He had been attracted to her even on the day they had met, tugging at her hair in a juvenile attempt to draw her attention, only to receive it in the form of a punch that chipped his tooth.  Even when they had become friends, he had still felt that attraction, even before she had grown into her now school-famous looks. And when her newfound beauty had inadvertently brought her all those admirers, he had felt a painful pang as she accepted their attention easily, followed by elation when she had broken up with them all.

Most had just desired her for her looks and in the end had found her untamed nature as alarming as they originally found it appealing.  Some had broken her heart, most she had dumped without a second thought. He had even heard a rumour that she had been ignoring one boyfriend so much that she had only remembered to dump him after Robbie had enjoyed that first date with her at the fair.  

But even when they had finally started to date, he found himself lacking the joy he had been expecting.  There were moments that still mattered to him, even now that he was with Tambry. Dates and conversations that had made him feel truly special.  But as time went on, those moments became fewer. He kept having to put in more time and effort to get the responses he had wanted and became more frustrated with the work he was expected to put in.  His mood would only worsen as Wendy spent more and more time with Dipper, often talking about the kid even when they were alone together and on dates. That frustration had nagged at him, making his success feel more hollow as time went on, constantly making him feel secondary to a child in short-shorts.

He glanced at Tambry again.  Why did it seem so easy with her when it had seemed so hard with Wendy?  Whatever the reason, he was only glad that he had finally found his happiness, even if it wasn’t with Wendy.  If only he’d found it sooner, how different would his life be?

His thought were interrupted when he felt the van come to a halt and the door slid open.

“Wendy!” cried Nate, Lee Thompson and Tambry together as the redhead grinned at them.

“Hey guys, look who it is!” said Wendy, motioning to the Shack.

“Hello fellow teens!” yelled Mabel as she waved at the van from the porch, Dipper sitting on the couch and writing in a thick book with a blue cover and a golden pine tree symbol on the front.

Robbie undid his seatbelt and stepped out to give them better access, considering Dipper in Wendy’s old hat and wearing a pair of boots, worn trousers and a green flannel shirt.  “Dude, he looks like your skinny non-redheaded brother in those clothes,” he muttered to her as the boy put his book into his shirt.

“Oh man, don’t say that!” joked Nate as the twins ran to the van.  “That makes his thing for Wendy even creepier!”

“Hey guys,” said Dipper as they reached the van.  “Long time no see! How’s it going?”

“Super now you’re here!” said Lee, leaning forward to high-five the thirteen-year old.  “Gonna be awesome to roll with Dr Funtimes again!”

“And don’t forget me!” said Mabel.  “Everything fun becomes even funner with a little Mabel thrown in!  Hey, you okay Nate?”

“He’s fine,” said Wendy as Nate clutched at his stomach painfully.  “Just got a stomach ache. Better watch what you do in case you make it worse, huh Nate?” she asked, Nate nodding in agreement as Lee laughed.

“Hey Robbie, hey Tambry,” said Mabel, reviewing the two.  “I see you two are still an item, no small thanks to me. I can sense the love here, I did good.  Not snadger good, but I’ll get there.”

“I’ve no idea what a snadger is, but yeah, we’re pretty good,” confirmed Robbie, glancing at Wendy and Tambry who gave a confused shrug and a smile respectively.

“Whoah, Robbie!” said Mabel, taking a step back to consider him.  “You’ve shrunk! Did you come across some weird crystals while we were gone?”

“I have not shrunk!” snapped Robbie.  “It’s just you guys are way taller!”

“No, that’s not it,” said Mabel frowning as she considered the gothic teen.  “I know!” she said snapping her fingers. “You used to be taller than Wendy! Now you’re not.  What’s up with that?”

“Lumberjack genes,” sighed Wendy as Robbie suddenly became very self-conscious standing next to her.  “I’m still a growing girl. At this rate I’ll be catching up to Lee soon.”

“Wow, do you think you’ll be as big as your dad?” asked Mabel excitedly.

“I hope not,” said Wendy with a frown.  “I don’t mind being tall but I don’t want to be that tall.  Hopefully I’ll stop soon and then Marcus will overtake me.”

“Who?”

“Oldest brother,” whispered Dipper to his sister as she climbed into the van.  

“Oh wait, your little bro!” said Mabel cheerfully.  “Your oldest little bro, I knew that! Anyway, forget the gigantor genes, is everybody ready to go to the mall?  We need to start Operation: Get My Smelly Brother Some Decent Clothes! I named it myself.”

“My clothes are fine!” snapped Dipper.  “And washing them is a waste of time if they’re only going to get dirty again!”

“Seriously?” asked Thompson, turning to face the boy.  “You do know how unsanitary that is, right? Your hormones are way out of whack, you’re gonna be sweating everywhere due to everything and you’re not even bothering to wash the clothes Wendy loaned you from her brother?  That’s just rude, dude.”

“Whoah, check out Thompson!” said Nate with a grin.  “He just schooled Dr Funtimes! And that’s totally not cool,” he added as Wendy gave him a look.

“No way, that’s totally cool!” said Mabel with a grin.  “I’ve been trying to improve my brother for years. Let’s see if peer pressure and humiliation can do it.  Go Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!”

“At long last, I’m no longer at the bottom of the totem pole!” gasped Thompson, feeling overwhelmed by their support.

“Nah, you’re still at the bottom,” corrected Mabel, leaning into the front of the van while the others continued the chant.  “We’re just supporting you this one instance to save our noses from suffering later.”

“You know, Dip,” said Wendy to the glaring thirteen-year old as Thompson’s expression changed to one of forlorn, “Most people think that washing or using aftershaves makes it easier for wild animals to find you.  When really, they’ve had millions of years of evolution training them to detect sweat and other natural human scents. So while it’s good not go overboard, making sure you have plenty of clean clothes and antiperspirant to hide your smell really helps when it comes to avoiding wild animals or monsters.”

“Huh,” said Dipper.  “Grunkle Ford said the same thing last night.  Right before he listed off all the monsters he knew that could track through scent.  I guess if both of you are warning me it’s more common than I thought.” He climbed into the van as Mabel gave Wendy an approving look.  

“Oh yeah,” said Tambry turning to Wendy as the redhead jumped in and closed the door.  “What did you do to Officer Mendez’s car? She’s totally gunning for you after whatever you did on Main Street.”

“Woah, that was you?” asked Lee, as Thompson and Nate looked at her in amazement.  “Dude, you wrecked the place!”

“Wait, what?” asked Wendy, looking at her friends.  “I haven’t been near Main Street. I was in the Shack all day!”

“Yeah, we’re witnesses,” said Dipper as Mabel nodded.  “She’s been here the whole time.”

“Well she was pretty sure it was you,” said Robbie.  “Said she saw you with a ghost or something.”

“I’d remember something like that,” said Wendy with a frown as Thompson began the drive to the mall.  “And like I said, I’ve been at the Shack with these two dorks all day. Unless I have a doppelganger or whatever.”  She turned to Dipper. “Wait, is that a thing?”

“Not that I’ve heard,” said Dipper thinking hard.  “Wait. You, er, haven’t used that beaten up photocopier lately have you?”

“Do we still have that thing?  Soos just heads to the copier store whenever we need something.  He really likes that place. Why?”

“Uh, no reason,” said Dipper.  “Hang on, I’ve been wondering this for a while now, but why is it Officer Mendez?  It’s a sheriff's department. Shouldn’t it be Deputy Mendez?”

“Oh, blame Durland for that one,” said Nate with a snicker.  “When she started working here they didn’t have any spare uniforms since Durland’s been the only deputy for years and they had to order some for her. Except Durland made the order and since she used to be a cop in the city, when he ordered the patches he put the word officer instead of Deputy.”

“And spelled it O F I S O R.” added Lee with a grin.

“Man, if the guy can’t read, why’d they let him make the order?” asked Robbie with a shake of his head.

“It makes him happy so Blubs lets him do it.” Explained Dipper, who had learned a bit more about the two after he had helped them chase a giant bat away from the town one night.  “He spoils him like that. And he can read, he just forgets.”

“He forgets how to read?” asked Tambry.  “That must take forever to teach again.”

“No,” corrected Dipper.  “I mean he forgets he knows how to read.  He’ll pick up a book and complain that he wishes he could read, but then Blubs will gently remind him that he can read and he’ll just slap his head, say ‘silly me!’ and start reading.  I mean, he’s not a great reader by any stretch and his spelling’s atrocious...but yeah, he just needs a reminder now and then. Actually, that sounds even worse than forgetting how to read now that I’ve said it out loud.”

“But, wouldn’t they just get the patches fixed and then make her a deputy?” asked Mabel.

“Durland again,” explained Wendy.  “Apparently he kicked up quite the fuss when they tried to fix his mistake.  Went all huffy that someone else would be the deputy to ‘his Blubs.’” She had lifter her fingers in quotation marks.  “Said that he was the sheriff's deputy and that he wouldn’t share his Blubs with anyone else. They tried to explain it to him that that’s not how it worked but he must have really put his foot down.  In the end they just gave up and made her Gravity Falls’ first and only Sheriff's Officer. Best not to think about it too hard.”

“That makes absolutely no sense,” said Dipper, who had a recurring problem of thinking too much about most things.

Mabel nudged him sharply.  “Dipper! It’s love! It doesn’t have to make sense!  I think it’s adorable.”

“Well, Mendez wasn’t too happy with it,” said Tambry with a smirk.  “Half her uniforms still have officer misspelled on the patch. But she used it to her advantage in the end.  Started to make people do some really embarrassing community services instead of throwing them in the jail for a day or two.”

“I miss the jail,” sighed Thompson sadly, and Dipper and Mabel were surprised to see that all of the other teens clearly agreed with him.

“Is she even allowed to hand out community service?” asked Dipper.  “Isn’t that only something a judge or maybe a sheriff can do?”

“Yeah, we tried to complain about that once,” said Wendy miserably.  “Just told us that she’s a Sheriff’s Officer and not a deputy so there wasn’t a law against it.  And I think Blubs was just happy to let her do it if she handled all the paperwork.”

“Yeah and like we were saying, she seemed super mad at you, Wendy,” warned Robbie.  “Ain’t that right Tambry?...Tambry?”

Robbie looked at his girlfriend in confusion, noticing the way she stared unblinkingly at her phone, her fingers uncharacteristically still as they hovered above the screen.  Wendy nudged him with her boot to draw his attention and nodded to Lee and Nate, both as still as pictures.

“Are we playing Red Light, Green Light?” asked Mabel.  “‘Cause if we are I am very impressed.”

“Uh, guys?” said Dipper, pointing out the window.  Robbie, Wendy and Mabel followed his finger and saw two birds still in the air, despite their unmoving wings.

“Now I’m even more impressed!”

“What’s happening?” asked Wendy as Robbie worriedly waved his hand in front of Tambry’s face to no reaction.

“Time’s frozen,” muttered Dipper, still staring at the birds.  “Except for us. Either that or the four of us are moving so fast that the rest of the world seems to be at a stand-still.”

The door to the van slid open and the four still-mobile teens found themselves facing three tall, armoured figures.

“Hey, right the first time!” said Mabel, recognising Lolph and Dundgren immediately as the TPAES operatives scowled at the group.  “Go Dipper! You’re getting good at this.”

 

* * *

 

_Author’s note: I had originally planned to introduce Mendez and explain why she was called Officer, and not Deputy, in my previous work but couldn’t find a place to do it without interrupting the flow of that story.  I think giving her the title of Officer separates her from her colleagues and emphasises that she’s actually a competent member of law enforcement, unlike Blubs and Durland. At least they mean well._

_And if I’m honest, I think that Durland not allowing anyone else to be Blubs’ deputy is kinda cute.  Who needs Dipcifica or Wendip when you have a couple as adorable as they are? And I can use it to explain why we only ever see one deputy for the whole town.  (I assume that’s small for somewhere the size of Gravity Falls.) I don’t know much about American law enforcement or American laws in general so any errors or discrepancies from this point on I’ll either correct sometime down the line or just pass off as a weird Gravity Falls law.  They have some weird laws, man._

_Or this could just be me trying to ram a quick correction into my story because I’m deeply insecure and every time I see an error in my work I get all defensive and have to explain that I meant it all along and I’m not a bad writer and JUST STOP JUDGING ME OKAY!?_

_I’ll let you folks decide.  Personally, I’d go with insecurity as the reason.  It’s funnier._

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“You don’t seem very surprised to see us,” Dundgren commented to the twins as Lolph glared at Mabel and Commander Axel glared at everyone.

“Yeah, well,” said Dipper with a shrug.  “Time froze so it was either you guys or Blendin.”

“Blendin Blandin is a wanted fugitive for his role in the then temporary death of Time Baby and the temporal whiplash received by several of our operatives when their holo-projections were destroyed,” snapped Axel, focusing her gaze on Dipper.  “If you know when he is you should tell us immediately or sooner.”

“That whiplash really was intense,” grunted Lolph, rubbing his temples as Dundgren nodded in agreement.  “I was thinking backwards for a week.”

“Temporary death?” muttered Wendy.  “Dipper, who are these guys?”

“These guys are Lolph and Dundgren,” explained Mabel.  “They’re time police. No idea who this is, though,” she said nodding to the scarred, glowering woman who stood between them.  

“I am Commander Axel,” said Commander Axel.  “And we’re here to warn you of a serious threat from the future that seeks to destroy you.”  

“Destroy us?” asked Mabel, motioning to herself and her brother.  “Why, what did we do? If we haven’t done it yet, I demand a lawyer and that that lawyer be Waddles!  He looks so cute in a suit that the jury will have to support us.”

“I have no idea who Waddles is but I think I hate him,” said Axel, evoking a gasp from Mabel.  “And no, this threat is not just to you, Mabel and Dipper Pines, but to many other individuals of this time period and location.  Including you, Wendy Corduroy,” she said, looking the tall redhead up and down and giving the impression that she approved of what she saw.  Axel then turned to Robbie and that approval disappeared immediately. “And to you too - er, hang on.” Axel slid the door closed and the teens heard brief whisperings from the other side before she slid it open again.  “And to you too, Fred.”

“It’s Robbie!”

“I just said that,” whispered Axel in a tone that suggested he should never correct her again.

“The zodiac,” said Dipper, thinking about what the four of them had in common.  “This is a threat to everyone in the zodiac.”

“Wait, you mean that weird circle thing?” asked Robbie as Axel nodded and Lolph and Dundgren looked slightly impressed that he had realised it so quickly.

“Grunkles!” gasped Mabel in concern.  “Soos and our friends!”

“Yes, they are also in danger,” Said Axel.  “Step out of the van.”

“Do we need to come with you if we want to live?” asked Dipper his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

“No, I just think it’s awkward talking to you all while you’re inside of a vehicle,” said Axel, stepping aside to let them out.  “Also, it’s quite nice out and you look like you could use more sun, you pasty, pasty child.”

Dipper frowned but followed the others out of the van.  They looked at the frozen world around them, strangely silent now that there was no movement to create sound.  Dipper in particular marvelled at what he saw. As a photographer, he admired the beauty of the still image, enjoying the vision of a world that had been captured in an instant that could last forever.  He briefly considered taking out his camera and taking shots that most photographer could only manage with great patience and preparation with the fastest of high-tech cameras. He looked back at the three from the future and decided against it.  Something told him they wouldn’t approve of any pictures he took while they were on a mission.

“So what is this threat from the future?” Wendy asked.  “And why have you come to us? Wouldn’t it be better to freeze time when all the zodiac people are together and tell us all at once or something?”

“That would have been ideal,” said Lolph, finally turning his attention away from Mabel to address her.  “However, the damage that Bill Cipher did to the flow of time during Weirdmageddon has still not fully healed, creating a temporal storm that makes it hard for us to observe you and even harder for us to time-travel in.  Luckily, we found this brief time period that was stable enough for us to enter. We’re not sure how long this last, could be seconds or hours, so we have taken the precaution of freezing time to make the most of it and deliver our warning.”

“Wait, I thought Time Baby was the master of time or whatevs,” said Mabel, turning her head to the side quizzically.  “Couldn’t Time Baby just wave his cute giant fist and fix the timestream? By the way, how is that big ol’ Time Baby doing?”

“He’s dead.” grunted Axel, making Dipper and Mabel gasp.  “For now, anyway”

“Wait, you mean that giant baby that Bill zapped?” asked Robbie.  “Well, yeah, no duh he’s dead.”

“But-” Dipper hesitated as he considered his words and how to avoid revealing that Blendin Blandin had escaped to the Wild West and sent them a secret message about Time Baby’s eventual return.  “But Blendin told us - right before he disappeared, I mean - he said that Time Baby would come back after a thousand years!”

“And boy was he cranky,” agreed Dundgren.  “Yes, Time Baby did come back a thousand years in your future.  But when he reconstituted his molecules he went on a rampage that awoke the giant robots of Mt. Rushmore and in the ensuing battle they destroyed the rampaging Time Baby and the world.”

“Huh,” said Dipper, as a memory resurfaced.  “That mailbox was right all along.”

“Wait,” said Wendy, who was beginning to have a headache from the thoughts of time-travel and suspected it would only get worse.  “So how come you guys are still from the future if the planet was destroyed?”

“Well, during the war, the massive flames from the burning continents finally caused Time Baby’s glacier to melt,” continued Dundgren.  “Ironically, the robots that had been designed to destroy him in the first place actually helped cause his release and were so badly damaged from destroying the future Time Baby from the past that they were unable to put up any resistance against younger Time Baby from the present.  So he destroyed them all and used their parts to create his hover-pen. Then he restored the world and all of its people using his time-manipulation powers and began his supreme rule of all future time...until he was destroyed all those thousands of years ago last year and then was killed a thousand years later, perhaps for good that time, which led to his awakening and thus the start of his rule of the future that lasted until last year.  Understand?”

“No,” said Wendy rubbing her head as Robbie started to go cross-eyed.

“Stable time-loop,” explained Dipper.  “Right now, there is a giant time-manipulating baby trapped in an Antarctic glacier and there are four giant robots in Mt. Rushmore that were designed to destroy him.  But in a thousand years, Time Baby wakes up and takes over the planet. Eventually, Time Baby will go back in time to fight Bill and stop Weirdmageddon since Bill would have destroyed the future too, but then Bill zaps him.  Time Baby goes into a, well, we’ll call it a coma. Wakes up in 3012 and goes crazy, destroying the world. The giant robots that were built to stop Time Baby switch on and defeat him, but also burn the planet or whatever. But since Time Baby is still in the glaciers, he wakes up now that the planet is hot enough and destroys the robots that just killed him, meaning there’s no one who can stop his rule until thousands of years down the line when he travels backwards to fight Bill.”  Seeing the confusion that was still on Wendy and Robbie’s face he sighed and thought for a moment. “It’s like Terminator,” he said eventually. “The first two I mean,” he added hastily.

“Oh, now I get!” said Robbie.  He turned to the time police. “Why couldn’t you just lead with that?”

Wendy punched Dipper on the shoulder.  “See? Told you you’re a good tutor!”

“Are they mocking our time-profession?” asked Axel, furrowing her brow.

“I can’t tell,” said Lolph, honestly.  “Remember, these people were born during the nineties and thus are the worst generation ever.”

“Hey, as someone technically born in the nineties, I resent that, Lolphy!” Mabel said defensively.

The tall man turned to her, his face a mask of resentment.  “Don’t you dare call me that after you used me, Gam Gam!” he cried.  “What would Gamps Gamps say?” His lip trembled and he turned away from her as Dundgren put a sympathetic hand on his friend’s shoulder.  “What would Gamps Gamps say?” he whispered again, his voice shaky with the pain of betrayal.

“Uh, is he okay?” asked Robbie as the others stared.

“Wait, should you be telling us about the future?” Dipper asked Axel.  “Isn’t that illegal or something?”

The Commander gave a dismissive snort.  “As if anything any of you do will matter in the grand scheme of things!  Besides, this unstable time zone we’re in only extends to the area of Gravity Falls.  If anyone tries to disrupt the events that lead to the beginning/end of Time Baby’s rule outside of that, we will come down on them with the full force of the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron.”  Axel leaned close to Dipper, the boy sweating even more than usual as she got too close for comfort. “Why?” she asked suspiciously. “Were you planning something?”

“Uh-no,” said Dipper honestly but swallowing nervously at the look in her eyes.  “So, uh, you were here to warn us about something?” he asked.

“There is a dangerous criminal after you,” said Axel, standing up straight and regarding them all again, much to Dipper’s relief.  “We locked him the  Infinetentiary - our super time-prison - for all of eternity.  However, he escaped and broke into our headquarters where he stole several pieces of equipment and then travelled back in time.  We have no idea when, as we said before time is difficult to navigate through when it comes to this area and period. We came back as early as we could to warn you all.”  She reached into one of the pockets of her belt and pulled out several pieces of paper, handing several to each of the teens. “We have created wanted posters to help you identify him,” she explained.  “Phillip Pink is extremely dangerous and-”

“His last name is Pink?” snorted Robbie as the others looked at the mugshot of a handsome man with stylised ginger hair, Mabel lingering on the picture longer than the rest.

“Yes, I just said that,” hissed Axel angrily.  “Are you deaf or are you just stupid? Either way, I will now yell at you because that is the best solution.  HIS NAME IS PHILLIP PINK! I DO NOT LIKE YOU! IF YOU ARE DEAF, THAT IS NOT WHY I DO NOT LIKE YOU!” 

“I think Pink's a nice name,” commented Mabel.  “And should you really judge others if your middle name’s Stacey?” 

Robbie glared at her then moved the glare to Dipper and Wendy who were sniggering.  “At least it's better than Blerble!” he snapped, but Wendy and Dipper both gave dismissive snorts at this, turning his sour mood even worse.  

“Anyway, forget the name, check out that face!” said Mabel, her eyebrows jumping up and down.  “Mabel like! He’s got pretty nice hair too!” She showed it to Dipper. “Why don’t you get something like this?  Help you out with the ladies!”

Dipper pushed the poster out of his face and glared at her.  “Mabel, have you read this thing? He’s a terrorist! And there’s nothing wrong with my hair.”

“Yes, there is,” said Axel as Lolph and Dundgren nodded.  “It needs a wash. One day someone will invent something called a shower.  When they do, you should use it.”

“Preaching to the choir here, lady,” said Mabel, folding several of the wanted posters and putting them in her pocket.  “I’m gonna keep these for later. Maybe add one to my wall.”

“Mabel, he’s a grown man,” said Wendy as Dipper and Robbie groaned.  “He’s old enough to be your dad!”

“Incorrect,” said Lolph, “He’s technically not been born yet and as such is too young to be your dad. But he does have his own kid.  She’s what? Seventeen? Eighteen?”

“Something like that,” said Dundgren, shaking his head sadly.  “Pink was devoted to his wife and kid. They meant the universe to him.  Some of us think that’s why he went bad: hoped that he could change the timeline so his wife wouldn’t divorce him.  Desperation can make good men do stupid things.”

“Regardless of why he did it, while this man is on the loose you are all in grave danger,” said Axel.  “And by grave danger, I mean that he wants to kill you and put you in your graves.” 

“Yeah, we guessed that,” said Robbie with a roll of his eyes.  

“Oh, you think you’re so smart, is that it?” snapped Axel, taking several steps towards him until Lolph and Dundgren both took hold of her and pulled her back.  “You think you’re some tough guy? Huh? When I’m from you’re already dead! DEAD!”

“Woah, that lady has issues,” said Mabel as Robbie took an alarmed step back and Wendy pushed the younger girl and her brother away from the enraged woman.  “Are we sure she’s not the one we should watch out for?”

Commander Axel shook her colleagues off and brushed at her armour in frustration.  “I’m fine!” she snapped. “I’m fine!” She cleared her throat and took several deep breaths.  “Sorry,” she said eventually, the word seeming to give her pain. “Look, Pink is a serious threat.  He used to be one of us - one of TPAES before we found the evidence that put him away.  But somehow, don’t ask me how, he escaped and then broke into our headquarters and stole a bunch of equipment from the armoury.  That means he’s got access to time-travel equipment and future weapons as well training that is literally thousands of years ahead of what you have today.”

“I can figure out what most of what his equipment is,” said Wendy who had skim-read the poster, knowing that Dipper would read it more thoroughly for her, “But what’s a chrono-flage suit?”

“It’s like camouflage, except it can work way better,” explained DIpper.  “Blendin had one and used it to, well, blend in. Except he could never get it to work right and it never hid his face and hands anyway.”

“So if you see any hands or a hot guy’s face floating around, just hit them with your axe or guitar,” Mabel suggested to Wendy and Robbie.

“That won’t work,” snapped Lolph.  “Blendin was an idiot and terrible at everything, especially his job.  Pink was actually good at his job and knows how to use all of the equipment listed there.”

“Okay,” said Wendy slowly.  “So he broke out of super future jail and then broke into the police station to steal your guns and junk.  That sounds pretty risky, even for someone as tough as you’re making him out to be. Why go to all this trouble to kill us?  What did we do?”

“It’s not what you did, it’s what they believe you could do,” said Dundgren, pressing a button on his wrist gauntlet to bring up a holographic display that made the teens step back.  They gazed the familiar symbol of the zodiac, the circle of ten symbols surrounding the image of Bill Cipher, but this image showed each of the symbols crossed out. As they watched, the image appeared again and again, each one on a different background.  With each change, the order of the symbols differed, sometimes the symbols were neater or messier, some showed Cipher with hands aflame or with an eye narrowed in rage, but each with the zodiac symbols vandalised in some way. They quickly realised that they were looking at images of paintings or graffiti left at several places.  “This is the symbol of the Cipher Cult,” explained Dundgren as Lolph and Axel glared at the images.

“Cipher Cult?” repeated Mabel in a horrified whisper.

“Somebody made a religion based around that maniac?” said Wendy incredulously.  “Who’d be crazy enough to worship him? He almost destroyed the universe!”

“You’ve answered your own question,” said Lolph.  “There are plenty of crazy people out there.”

“They aren’t all crazy,” corrected Axel quietly.  “They had plenty of members who were decent people but were just desperate and got in too deep.”

“So what does this cult want?” asked Dipper.  “The zodiac didn’t do anything! Bill burned it before we could even figure out what it could do.”

“The Cipher Cult believe that if they kill the members of the zodiac then it will bring Bill Cipher back,” said Axel.

“What!?” cried the teens together.

“Why the hell would they want to him back?”

“They’re wrong!  If that were true he’d already have returned in the future!”

“All he wanted was to destroy everything!  Who’s insane enough to want that?”

“Listen,” said Lolph putting his hands up to settle them.  “You’re right, if any of your deaths would bring Bill Cipher back then his return would have happened thousands of years ago by our time.  And as for why - well that’s a bit more complicated.”

“Future society has changed now that Time Baby is no longer the ruler of Earth,” explained Dundgren.  “Earth has never been a key player in the galaxy. But now that Time Baby has gone, we’ve lost our greatest asset.”

“Like if Japan lost Godzilla!” said Mabel helpfully.

“That’s...a surprisingly good comparison,” said Dundgren.

“Wait, you know about Godzilla in the future?” asked Wendy.

“Some things will never die,” stated Lolph.  “Monster-Mon. Godzilla. Disney. The great, unflinching force that destroys anything that dares challenge it.”

“Godzilla or Disney?”

“Don’t answer that!” hissed Axel.  “Do you want to get sued? Look, after Time Baby was defeated we had no idea of telling when he’d be back or how long it would take him to reassemble himself or if he’s even coming back at all.  It’s a very complicated thing that even our greatest scientists are still working on. The only reason Earth hasn’t been conquered yet is because nobody really thinks we’re worth it and the few that do won’t dare in case Time Baby does return and finds out someone’s been playing with his toys.  But we couldn’t just sit back and wait for something that might never happen. We had to move on. Go back to having votes and a democracy.” Axel sighed. “Honestly, do you know how hard it is to teach people how to vote? Most people are idiots! So of course people started to wish that there was another big, all-powerful being in charge again.  And then people started to think about the one who had beaten our previous supreme ruler in the first place.”

“You cannot be serious,” said Wendy as the others stared in disbelief.

“I am always serious!” declared Axel.  Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “ _ Always _ .”

“As Commander Axel just said,” continued Dundgren, “Some people believed that Bill would be better than Time Baby since some thought that Cipher would be more...fun.  We spread the news on just how dangerous Cipher was and what a terrible ruler he would be, that he would break reality itself and even shared our time-recording of what transpired during Weirdmageddon.  We thought this would let the people see just how dangerous he was.”

“We were wrong.” Lolph said miserably.  “Most people realised exactly the kind of monster that Cipher was, the cruelty he glorified in, the deaths and-”

“We know what Bill Cipher is capable of,” cut off Dipper, wrapping an arm around a clearly upset Mabel.  “We get it. He was always a manipulator and a monster.” 

Wendy reached over and put a comforting hand on each twin’s shoulder.  “What does the cult have to do with us?”

Lolph and Dundgren considered the young siblings and the looks on all their faces before they continued.  “Some people remained unconvinced. Some thought that he was misunderstood, that as a being from a universe so far outside of our own reality, that we shouldn’t be putting our own sense of morality on him.”

“Try telling that to the people in town,” muttered Robbie darkly, recalling the look on Tambry’s face as she was turned to stone.

“There were others too, some who didn’t care about that.  We don’t know who started it, but a theory was put out there that, since Bill had rewarded some other monsters from other dimensions with a sample of his reality warping powers, that if a person or group were to bring him back from the dead, then he would make them one of his Henchmaniacs.”

“Yeah, he offered Grunkle Ford something similar,” said Mabel quietly.  “Ford said he was insulted that Bill had even considered him for a position.”

“Well, there were plenty who were tempted by that idea,” said Dundgren.  “Any sane person knows that killing any of you wouldn’t bring Cipher back.  We’re still debating what the zodiac could have accomplished and know it was really the quick thinking and sacrifice of Stanley Pines that brought about Cipher’s defeat.  But that’s the problem with cults - they appeal to the insane or the desperate. Reason and truth are dismissed if it opposes what they believe.”

“When the cult first appeared, we all thought that it was just another crazy movement that would either fade away or never amount to anything,” said Lolph.  “And at first it looked like that was the case. But then all of these little club meetings and occasional rants suddenly became more serious. The symbol was left at the scenes of murders.  Some very high-tech companies had their equipment stolen that was then used in attacks by people demanding the death of the zodiac or that we give them access to time time-tapes. We came down hard on them but they always seemed to be one step ahead of us, as if they knew our plans just as we were deciding them.  It became clear that someone had started to lead them, make them organised and dangerous. Someone with a knowledge of TPAES.”

“So that’s what this Pink guy was doing?” asked Wendy.  “You think he was the leader of the cult and was leaking the information so that he could maybe bring Bill back and then - what?  Make his wife take him back?”

“That’s so romantic,” breathed Mabel.  “I mean, yeah, that’s also evil but you’ve got to give the guy credit for his commitment!”  She looked at Dipper and then at Wendy, who both noticed this and didn’t like the connections she was making, Dipper turning red while Wendy frowned at her.

“Wait, hold on,” said Robbie, scratching his head.  “He was a time cop, right? What stopped him from just going back and being a better husband or whatever?  Why’d he have to join this crazy cult?”

The time cops stared at him.  “Are you kidding me?” demanded Axel.  “Changing something that’s already been witnessed creates a paradox.  We’re the damn Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squad! It’s in our damn name!  Do you have any idea how hard it would be to create a paradox when you’re one of us and surrounded by officers?  It’s like trying to rob a police station!”

“Yeah, well, sounds like this guy did rob a police station!” snapped Robbie defensively, Lolph and Dundgren looking at each other in surprise as Axel glared at him.  “So if he’s crazy and smart enough to do that, why not just try stopping his break-up?”

“Listen to me, you little creep,” hissed Axel with such venom that the angsty teen wisely decided to put away the sarcasm for as long as he could.  “I don’t need to explain anything this man does to you, alright? We’re the cops and we’re dealing with someone who’s had training literally thousands of years ahead of your time!  We’re trying to warn you and you had better listen. Here, I’ll tell you everything you need to know about Pink - what he’s capable of.”

Commander Axel tapped at the display on her wrist and it began to show a holographic projection of two separate images of the man from the wanted poster: one, a smiling cop with a news article about a decorated and brave officer, the other showing a scowling convict with a separate news article branding him a terrorist and monster, indirectly responsible for several deaths.  “This scumbag used to be one of the best,” began Commander Axel, glaring at both images. “Hero cop, brave man, husband and father, yada-yadda. Then his wife divorces him. They get shared custody which still means less time with his kid. Starts to act out, gets angrier, more arguments in the office and out. Erratic behaviour and aggressive outbursts. You guys remember just how much of a pain he could be with his honest opinions.”  Lolph and Dundgren both nodded in agreement. 

“That’s how it starts, but he’s still bringing in more bad guys than most of us so we let that slide.”  Commander Axel bared her teeth. “Even me. Then, we complete a successful raid on one branch of the Cipher Cults.  They’d been one step ahead of us for so long we were starting to get pretty desperate in finding the mole, accusations and suspicions were everywhere.  Then, lo and behold, we finally find them thanks to a lucky tip and guess what we find? Codes. Access code to the TPAES database, letting them find out everything they needed to know.  And whose codes were they? None other than Phillip Pink.”

“But why would he do that?” asked Dipper.  “Betray the other cops?”

Commander Axel shrugged.  “I can’t tell ya that, kid.  The Cipher Cult are nut jobs.  Crazy with a capital H. But as we said, they were popular for a while among the crazies and sometimes just the desperate.  Maybe Dungdren’s right and losing his family was something he couldn't handle. Plenty of people out there who’d risk it all for even for the slightest chance of Cipher granting wishes to whoever brought him back.  He could make them a being capable of altering reality itself, powerful enough to conquer a galaxy, rule their own empire for eternity.”  Axel let out a deep breath. “Immorality and godhood. People have killed for far less and  would do a lot of dumb things to get something like that without having to go through the challenges of Globnar.”

“Globnar?” asked Robbie.

“Crazy future gladiator test challenge thing,” explained Wendy.  “These two maniacs went through it once and came out on top.” She grinned at them proudly, ruffling Mabel’s hair and pulling Dipper’s hat down over his eyes.

“But there must have been plenty of people in this cult,” said Dipper, pushing his hat back up.  “They couldn’t think that Bill would reward them all.”

“They wouldn’t need to,” said Lolph.  “Even if they thought only one in every thousand would be rewarded, that’s still a better shot that they think they have in the real world.”

“We’ve told you as much as we can,” Axel said.  “Pass those posters around and make copies if you need to.  Warn the other members of the zodiac and anyone else that you think should be warned.  I wouldn’t put it past Pink to threaten anyone else in town if it meant he could get to you.  And be wary - we have no idea when Pink’s landed. He could already have been here for months or he might not appear for years or he could have arrived five minutes ago.  There’s no way to tell. So take this.” Axel reached into another pocket and pulled out a small, black box with a large red button on top which she handed to Dipper. “Think of this as a temporal flare or beacon.  If Pink arrives just press that button and it will alert us to when he is. It should also let us navigate the time-stream long enough to help you.”

She nodded to her colleagues and Lolph and Dundgren moved to stand closer to her.  “Pink is dangerous so press that the moment you see him. We have the technology and training to put him away and stop anyone else like him from hurting you.”  The three TPAES operatives reached for the time tapes held at their belts and activated them as one. “Stay safe and be alert. That’s an order!” snapped Axel just before they vanished.

“Huh,” said Wendy as Dipper and Mabel looked at the unassuming box and button.  “I guess we’d better put the shopping trip on hold until we warn the town or whatever.”

“Aw, that means I have to put up with Dipper’s stink for even longer,” complained Mabel, taking one of the wanted posters from her pile and glaring at it.  “I don’t care how hot you are, that’s not cool!”

“Look, let’s just go, alright?” muttered Dipper, growing frustrated with the constant jabs at his hygiene.  “We’d better just head back to the Shack. Warn Ford and Stan first, then they can contact McGucket and the others - maybe make a device that can scan for time travellers or something.  And yes, I will shower when they get there!” he snapped, correctly guessing what Mabel was about to say as she opened her mouth.

“It’s for your own good,” said Mabel, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder.  “But more importantly, it’s good for us too.”

“Wait, how are we going to get there?” asked Robbie, motioning towards the still frozen van.  “I mean, when does time unfreeze?”

“Maybe just give it a minute and - yep, there we go,” said Mabel as time resumed without warning, the sound of the animals, wind and van engine all roaring to life suddenly.  Robbie called out towards the van, waving at it as it continued to travel without them for a few seconds before it swerved and screeched to a halt. Then it slowly reversed back to the waiting group, the door sliding open and Lee, Nate, Tambry and Thompson all staring at them in confusion.

“Uh, what just happened?” asked Tambry as the four resumed their previous sitting positions.

“Time-travel,” said Wendy with a nonchalant shrug.  “Yo, Thompson! Turn this van around, we need to get back to the Shack.”

“And make it snappy!” declared Mabel, passing each of them a wanted poster.  “There’s a criminal on the loose and we’ve no time to lose!” She nudged Dipper.  “Huh? Huh? See what-”

“I see what you did there,” sighed Dipper.  “Wendy’s right, we’d better get back to the Shack as soon as possible.  We’ve just been told some pretty bad news."

He quickly informed them of their meetings with the time-travellers as a nervous Thompson awkwardly turned the van around, his driving made much worse by the stressful story of a possible invisible time-terrorist in town and Mabel standing at his shoulder, urging him to go faster and questioning everything that he did.

“So, what does the wanted poster say about him?” asked Thompson, glancing in the rear-view mirror and hoping that the change of conversation would get Mabel to stop.  “I can’t read and drive so if one of you could-?”

“Yeah man, no problem,” said Dipper pulling out one of the posters and clearing his throat.  “Uh, let’s see here. ‘Wanted: dead or alive. Phillip Pink, former operative of TPAES-’”

“Teepee what?”

“It stand for Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squad,” clarified Dipper.

“They’re like cops!” explained Mabel.  “Time cops! With ray beams and time freezers and teleporters and crotches that thank you for kicking them!”

“Not exactly right,” said Dipper slowly as the other teens stared at the happy girl.  “But not exactly wrong either. Look, never mind the talking codpiece. Mabel and I have been to the future so he must really be something if even they’re worried about him being loose.  Anyway, there’s more written here. ‘Pink is two-hundred and five centimetres,’ that’s about six-foot seven guys, ‘has a muscular build, red hair - usually stylised, blue eyes - one cybernetic, pale skin with faint freckles on his cheeks, shoulders, arms and buttocks.’  Wait, seriously? They mention his butt? The future is weird, man.”

“So he’s tall, muscular and ginger,” said Nate, considering the boy’s words.  “That could be any of Wendy’s cousins or uncles! Does he have any cool scars that make him stand out?”

Dipper scrolled down the poster again.  “Here’s something: ‘Pink is originally from New Belfast and still speaks with an Irish accent-'”

“Oooh, a foreigner!” said Mabel shaking with delight.  “He just keeps getting better and better! Tall, muscles a-plenty, loving father and now - he’s got an accent!  Shame he’s a criminal.” Mabel sighed. “Oh fate,” she breathed wistfully. “Why must you taunt me with the bad boys?  How can I remain pure and innocent when you tease me so?”

Dipper made a face of disgust, then thought back to what he had read.  “Irish accent…I wonder if that’s hard for him to hide? If he’s in disguise, maybe we can look up some Irish slang and see if anybody with his height and build reacts to it?”

“Hey Wendy, your family’s Irish right?” asked Robbie.  “You know any Irish words that might help us out?”

“First of all, I’ve no idea whether we’re Scottish or Irish,” said Wendy.  “Secondly, why would I know any? We’re like twentieth generation or whatever.  I mean, I could ask Dad in case we are Irish and he knows some slang, but I doubt that would really help at this stage.  This guy has a suit that turns him invisible, I don’t think he’d need a disguise.” She turned back to Dipper. “Does it say anything else about him?  Like, could I handle him with my axe or should we talk to Ford about ray guns? Does he have any weaknesses we can exploit?”

Dipper quickly scanned the poster.  “Let’s see…severely dangerous...armed with an armoured chrono-flage suit, a scanner wand, memory wipes, medi-gel, several time tapes, a shock-baton, a plasma pistol keyed to his chrono-signature...do not approach...has received extensive TPAES training’ - oh! Listen to this!  ‘Phillip Pink has been augmented with some of the most advanced cybernetic enhancements of known time. These include an cybernetic eye that allows superior natural vision, night vision,  omnispectrascopic vision and infrared.  He also has time-tanium alloy legs, arm, spine, ribcage and skull, giving him enhanced strength and endurance.  While the remainder of his body is organic humanoid, it is advised not to engage in close combat under any circumstances as Pink has survived unarmed combat with a cyclocks and nothing short of a vehicular collision is likely to harm him.”

“Wow.” Thompson swallowed loudly as the others considered this.  “I don’t know about you guys, but I sure don’t want to make that guy mad!”  He laughed nervously. “Heck, I wouldn’t even want to meet him!” he said.

Right before he hit him with his van.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

“Yep, pretty desperate,” replied Phillip Pink as he let go of the strip and shot backwards in time.  

Right away he noticed the difference in the jump, screaming in pain as he felt himself being flung through the timestream, his limbs, organs and muscles were all affected as they were forced to age backwards or forwards, to evolve and devolve at different rates.  He choked as he felt gills grow and flap hopelessly as infantile lungs worked to keep oxygen flowing to an ancient heart that was struggling to support a massive ape arm, a claw where a hand should have been.

In a second that felt like a month and might actually have been years, he finally arrived and collapsed on the road, gasping for air with fifty-year old human lungs and heart.  He blinked rapidly, his cybernetic eye flashing through its multiple setting and making his headache even worse. When his brain had finally regained control of his remaining biological parts he reached into his belt and pulled out a large tube with a bright red cross on the body, resembling a common tube of toothpaste or external rub.  Pink twisted the cap off with a shaky hand, squeezing out a pea-sized drop of liquid onto his fingertip and then inserted that finger into his mouth, pushing it against the roof.

He gasped again as the medi-gel worked it’s medical techno-magic and eased the agony of his nerves, his heart-rate slowing and allowing his mind to think of things other than the pain and how to make it stop or share that pain with others.

He dragged himself to his knees and looked at his hands, one relatively still while the other was still shaking unhealthily.  He glanced at the chronometer on his wrist and a near-hysterical giggle broke through his lips.

He had made it.

He took several deep breaths to try and steady himself and settle his biological parts.  He had been damn lucky to make it in such good shape. No organs or limbs that were at a different age or evolutionary stage than the rest of his body.  He picked up a small stone with a now steady hand and heard it crack under the pressure. He was in no doubt that the time-tanium that made up most of his skeleton had been crucial in his survival, stopping the temporal storm from damaging most of his body.  He removed his helmet and tapped his head, making a metal ringing noise that re-ignited his headache and made him wince. Most importantly, his time-tanium skull had protected his brain. Having a hand that had devolved to that of an early mammal would have been alarming and agonizing.  Having the brain of one would have been terminal.

Pink shook his head to avoid any thoughts like that.  He had survived, there was no point in worrying about what could have been. Instead, he took in his surroundings and saw that he was kneeling on a rural road.  He pulled out his tablet and it showed him that the road could take him directly to Gravity Falls.

Pink gave a sigh of relief that he wasn’t too far outside of his intended target and put his helmet back on (taking care not to mess his hair up too much when he did so) before he activated his chrono-flage, turning invisible to most animals and any person without omnispectrascopic goggles.  Which they were unlikely to have in this time period but it wasn’t outside the realms of possibility, especially since one of his targets had actually been the inventor of the original devices.  

Pink scrolled through the information his tablet held on the members of the zodiac as he debated on who he should find first.  His eyes narrowed when they fell on the information gathered on the redheaded member of the group and he scowled at her list of friends and allies.  

In the end he decided that the Mystery Shack would be the best place to start.  He put the tablet away and picked up the satchel that he had brought with him, opening it to count the number of items it held and became so focussed on his task that, mixed with the residual pain and disorientation from his blind jump into a temporal storm, he was unaware of a growing sound behind him.

It was only when he finished counting and slung the satchel over his shoulder that he looked up in confusion at the sound and then spun around to see what it was.

The teenagers inside the van all screamed as they felt the impacts and saw a large hole appear in the windshield, a man in a light-grey jumpsuit appearing to jump in and out of existence before them.  The flickering man shook his head and looked at the large, sweaty teen in front of him with a dazed look.

“Oh crap, I just hit the time-terrorist!” yelled Thompson, putting his foot down on the accelerator as the face in front of him blinked at him in confusion.

“Thompson, why the hell are you going faster?” demanded Wendy, a protective arm in front of Dipper and Mabel as the other reached for her axe.

“I don’t know, I don’t handle stressful situations well!” wailed Thompson as Pink started to appear less dazed and more furious.

“Shake him off, you idiot!” snapped Robbie, pushing Tambry as far from the front as he could.

Pink’s head shot towards him and the sight of the panicking goth seemed to shake the last of the cobwebs.  Then his eyes moved slightly and he caught sight of the tall redhead at the back, brandishing an axe. “You!” snarled Pink, drawing back a fist that easily tore another hole through the windscreen.  

The teens all screamed again and Thompson pressed his foot down harder.  “I keep hitting the wrong one!” he screamed as Pink tore off the windshield and tossed it to the side.

“THEN HIT THE OTHER ONE!” screamed Robbie as Pink pulled his legs free from the dents they had made in the front of the van.

Thompson glanced down and saw the single other pedal that stood out from the floor.  “Oh, right,” he said simply before he lifted his foot from the gas and slammed on the brakes.

Pink realised what they were saying a second too late and didn’t have time to grab more than a windshield wiper, which came with him as he soared through the air when the van screeched to a stop, the momentum sending him rolling for several metres until he finally skidded to a halt at a crossroads.

Pink coughed as pain racked his body for the second time in just a few minutes.  He tasted blood and saw a blurry darkness at the edges of his vision as his human brain throbbed inside his metal skull.  He reached for the medi-gel again and unscrewed the lid with his teeth as his human arm felt too broken to even risk moving it.  He squeezed a small amount of the advanced medicine directly into his mouth and stared at the sky. _You’re okay,_ he thought to himself as he re-applied the lid and slid the tube back into a pocket.   _You took the medi-gel in time.  As long as you don’t take any big hits you’ll be back on your feet in seconds.  Then you can murder those teenagers!_ He smiled at that thought as his vision slowly started to return and the bones in his arm mended.

Then five wheels of a loaded logger truck ran over his head.

“What was that, a deer?” asked one of the loggers, glancing in the truck’s mirror.

“Dunno, I was asleep,” muttered his friend, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“But you’re driving!”

“Oh yeah,” said the driver glancing down at the unheld steering wheel before both men started screaming.

In the van the teens stared at the prone body of their fallen foe.  Robbie broke the silence by leaning over and slapping Thompson on the back of the head.  “ _Keep hitting the wrong one_ ,” he sneered as Thompson the rubbed spot where Robbie had hit him.  

“Is he still alive?” asked Mabel, lifting Wendy’s hand from her eyes.

“Uh, hold on,” said Wendy, raising her axe above her head and sliding the door open, masking the sound of a crash in the distance.  Dipper and Mabel slid out behind her, Mabel bringing her grappling hook out of her sweater. The older teens looked at each other nervously, torn between staying in the relative safety of the van or being upstaged by two thirteen-year olds until Robbie let out a sigh and also jumped out of the van, taking a tire iron from a toolbox, causing the rest to also make the brave and dangerous choice of following them.

Wendy nudged the ankle of the man with her boot and, seeing no response, crept closer but kept her weapon raised.

“Is he dead?” asked Dipper nervously as his sister kept her weapon focused on the cyborg.

Wendy knelt down and put her fingers to the criminal’s neck.  “He’s alive,” confirmed Wendy, much to the twins' relief.

“Crap, let’s kill him!” said Robbie, raising the tire iron as Lee and Nate also raised a wrench and screwdriver respectively.

“Hey!” snapped Mabel, scowling at Robbie.  “We don’t kill people! We’re the good guys!  Well Dipper and me and Wendy are anyway. You’re more-” She held out her hand and gave it a waggle “-but we’re not gonna let you kill him!  Unless he tries to hurt us, then you can go ahead. I mean, he’s just survived getting run over twice so he’ll probably bite your head off or whatever but we all love a tryer.”  She walked over to Pink’s head and considered the unconscious face. “Huh, he just as good in person,” she commented. “Well except for the blood coming out of his nose and ears.”  She put her grappling hook away and held her hands out to her brother and Wendy. “Up top! We’ve just made a new record for beating the bad guy! Who fancies an ice cream to celebrate?  I’m gonna eat it anyway but it’s nice to have an excuse.”

“I think we should maybe drag him off the road?” suggested Dipper, giving his sister a perfunctory high five .  “I don’t want anyone else running him over and if somebody sees a bunch of armed teens standing over a body they might get the wrong idea.”

“I do not want to get any more community service,” agreed Wendy, also giving Mabel a distracted high five before she slipped the satchel off the man, reached her hands under his armpits and tried dragging him to the side.  “Ugh, this guy is heavy,” she grunted. “Some help here?”

Eventually, with help from everyone, they dragged him to the side of the road, gasping from the exertion of moving the heavy cyborg.  

“Woof,” said Mabel, wiping the sweat from her brow.  “Aren’t future sci-fi robot people meant to be made out of a future metal that’s lighter than this?  I think this guy weighs more than Soos!”

“Wait,” said Lee, walking back to the road and picking up the satchel.  “What’s in here?”

“Tape measures?” asked Nate in confusion as the teen pulled out one of the tools and looked at it.

“Put those back!” said Dipper in alarm, running over and snatching the tool out of Nate’s hand and taking the satchel from Lee.  “Don’t touch these! They’re time tapes. They’re how you travel through time.”

Lee and Nate looked at the boy doubtfully.  “Seriously? What, are they disguised so people won’t take them or something?”

“No, the cord tells you how many minutes or years you want to travel and you just release it  and use the switch on the side to select whether you want to go backwards or forwards.” Dipper shrugged.  “It’s pretty easy to use, honestly. But it’s way too dangerous to risk it - don’t want to mess with the timestream or anything, especially with those time cops on the alert.”  Dipper put the satchel on the ground and zipped it closed, turning back to Wendy and the others as Lee and Nate met each other’s eye and shared a grin as the same thought occurred to both.  “I dropped that time-beacon in the back of the van when Pink attacked us,” said Dipper, unaware of the older boys conspiring quietly behind him. “I’ll grab it and then they’ll take this guy away.”

“And then we can go back to getting you non-smelly clothes!”  said Mabel, joining her brother in his search.

“Oh man!” said Thompson, running over to his van to check the damage now that he was no longer worried about the enraged criminal they had knocked cold.  He clutched his head in panic as he looked at the bent and buckled metal. “My mom’s gonna kill me!” he wailed as Tambry joined him and took several photos.

“Totally posting these,” she said as the twins climbed in to begin their search.

“Hey,” hissed Wendy quietly as she saw Lee and Nate reached for the satchel out the corner of her eye.  “Dipper said not to touch those!”

“Come on, Wendy,” urged Nate as Lee took out one of the time tapes.  “We’ve got a bag full of time machines here! Think of all the possibilities!”

“Nate and I are going to go see dinosaurs,” said Lee, both boys grinning broadly.  “It’s been our dream since we were kids to ride a dino!”

“Dudes,” said Wendy as Robbie also looked at the devices thoughtfully, “Remember we’re dealing with a murderer wanted by the time cops, here.  This is some serious crap. If we don’t get this guy to the cops before he wakes up, I don’t want to think about what he’ll do.”

Robbie picked up one of the devices and considered it for a moment, glancing back at Tambry, still taking pictures of the damage and making comments to Thompson that clearly stressed him out even more.  

“Robbie!” snapped Wendy, drawing his attention back to her.  “Put that down! It’s not a toy! This isn’t a game.”

“C’mon, Wendy,” he said, stretching his arms out.  “What’s the big deal? Those time cops said there’s a time storm in the area and they can’t scan us or whatever they do.  That means we have a bit of free reign for a while.”

“Yeah, but there’s also a half-robot murderer at our feet who’s still alive after two car crashes!”  She pointed at Pink. “That’s not just tough, Robbie, that’s Manotaur tough! And unlike them, he’s been trained in fighting so I honestly don’t think I could take him without a laser axe or exosuit or something.  And I know Dipper wouldn’t be okay with it and I’m not going to just leave him and Mabel alone with this guy while I paint UFOs on a cave wall.”

“Dude, we never thought of that!” said Lee, grinning.

“Oh man, we should teach cave men how to swear!” said Nate.  “That’d be hilarious!”

“Oh, come on Wendy,” said Robbie, ignoring them.  “Isn’t there any place you wish you could go see? Like the Wild West or see knights and kings and stuff?”

“It’s a time-machine, not a teleporter,” said Wendy.  “There’s never been knights or kings in America. And I’m into horror, not westerns.”

“Then hasn’t there been anything you’d want to take back or stop yourself doing?” asked Robbie desperately.

Wendy opened her mouth to retort but stopped.  Lee and Nate looked at her expectantly, seeing she was on the verge of changing her mind.  While there was no official leader to their gang, everyone knew that Wendy was the leader they didn’t have.

Robbie stayed silent.  He watched her closely and tried his best to hide how much he needed her to agree.  He knew that if she decided not to let any of them use the devices then there was nothing they could do to stop her from stopping them.  One night as a joke she had challenged all of them to try and overpower her at once. The boys, wary but fuelled by the confidence of superior numbers and male bravado, had accepted the challenge and were soon in a pile on the floor with Wendy striking a triumphant pose above them as Tambry, too clever to even think of joining them, took photos.  They were all perfectly aware that Wendy had went easy on them that night.

Wendy stared at the satchel and its contents, thinking hard as she thought of what she could change.  Then she glanced back at the van where the twins were still searching, faintly hearing Mabel say something and Dipper’s response.  “No,” she said finally, to the boys’ dismay. “I can’t risk leaving them alone with danger.”

Robbie gave a groan of defeat, only to have it cut off when Nate said: “Actually, you might not need to really leave.”

”Uh, what?” said Robbie.

“Think about it, dude,” said Nate, taking one of the time tapes.  “These are time machines. Me and Nate can go back in time, go triceratops jousting or whatever and then when we get hungry we can just use it again to appear right back to this point in time.  Nobody would even notice!”

“Yeah, we can fulfil our dreams in an afternoon and we wouldn’t be gone long enough for the little dudes to be in any danger,” said Robbie excitedly.

“That way we all win,” agreed Lee, high fiving Nate excitedly and drawing the attention of Tambry and Thompson.  Tambry saw the way Robbie was looking at her and stopped her teasing to see what they were talking about, Thompson following nervously.

Wendy glanced back at the van again.  “Okay,” she said after some deep deliberation, making Lee, Nate and Robbie grin.  “But we’re all coming right back here,” she added firmly as the three nodded.

“Uh, what are you doing?” demanded Tambry as she saw the time tapes in their hands.

“Relax, babe,” said Robbie gently, putting his arm around her and giving her a quick squeeze.  “The four of us are just going for a quick jump back in time.”

“You what?” she demanded, Thompson making a moan of despair.

“Don’t worry,” said Robbie patiently, “We’ve thought it out and we can do it so that we’ll only be gone for a couple of seconds.  Promise,” he added hastily, seeing the look she was giving him.

“Uh, guys, I don’t think this is a good idea,” said Thompson, glancing at the prone cyborg who had wrecked his van only minutes ago.  “And I really don’t think Dipper would be okay with this!”

Robbie scoffed.  “What Dipper doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” he said, taking another time tape and tossing it to Wendy.  He turned to Tambry. “Don’t worry,” he said softly. “We’ll only be gone for, like, five seconds. I promise.”

Tambry didn’t say anything, confused by the look in his eye.

Robbie pulled the cord of his time tape and Lee and Nate both put their hands on it.  “Come on, are we doing this or not?” Robbie asked Wendy, her hand hovering over the device.

Wendy gave one final look back at the van before she put her hand over her friends’.  “I’m sorry, Dipper,” she said quietly just before Robbie let the cord go and their bodies became a pure white light and they all vanished.

“Oh man,” said Thompson, pacing back and forth as Tambry watched the spot where Robbie had stood.  “Oh man, oh man, ohmanohmanohman.” He took a deep breath and stopped his pacing. “They said five seconds, right?” he asked, to which Tambry nodded.  “Okay. So...one...two…”

Tambry swallowed nervously.

“Three...”

Thompson licked his lips.

“Four…”

The two friends stared at the empty spot in front of them.

“F-four and a half…” said Thompson, wiping the sweat from his brow as Tambry dialled Robbie’s number and received an automatic response.

“Four and three quarters…” said Thompson, resuming his pacing as Tambry desperately tried to call Wendy, then Nate, then Lee, then Robbie again, all with the same result.

“Four and, uh, five - five eighths?” said Thompson, his voice rising.  “Four and -oh man I should have hired Dipper - seven tenths? Is that bigger?”

“Is what bigger?” asked Dipper, jumping out of the van with the time-beacon in his hand.  “Sorry it took so long, I had no idea where it went and there was a lot of stuff in there.  You should really clean it out, Thompson.”

“Yeah,” agreed Mabel, stuffing something in her mouth.  “There were all these chips just lying around! Some of them I can’t even tell their original flavour.”

“Hey, where’s Wendy?” asked Dipper in confusion, looking up and down the road.  “And Lee and Nate and-” his eyes fell on the open satchel that lay on the ground by the older teens’ feet.

“Oh come on!” cried Mabel, throwing the remaining chips to the ground in frustration.  “We were gonna set a record for fastest adventure completed!” She crossed her arms and pouted.  “Stupid time travel ruins everything,” she muttered as Thompson stopped counting and put his head in his hands in defeat.

 

* * *

 

****

They felt an electric sensation throughout their bodies, not exactly painful but definitely not pleasant.  Then they felt the breeze change and found themselves at the exact same spot, their friends, foe and van gone.  Also, they were on fire.

Robbie and Lee both gave out shrieks, patting at their hair desperately as they felt the embers burn them, Nate threw his hat off and stomped on it to stop the blaze while Wendy took more care with her own cap, swiping at it quickly.

“Did it work?” asked Lee, looking around as if searching for some sign proudly declaring the exact time they had travelled to.

“Well, I can’t see anybody else so I guess it must have,” said Wendy, looking at the trees.  “It looks like it’s the same season at least. How far did you send us back, Robbie?”

“Five years,” said Robbie, pulling out his phone and seeing that it still showed the same time and date.  He put it away, realising that the phone would be practically useless since no one he knew would have the same numbers in the past and most probably didn’t have a cell to call.  Not that he planned to call anyone, anyway.

“Cool,” said Wendy, nodding to herself.  “Five years is good.”

“Well it’s not what we need so we’ll see you guys in the future,” said Nate with a cheerful wave as he reached for his own time tape.

“Woah, hold on there!” said Wendy, putting her hand on the device to stop him.  “We need to make some ground rules first!”

“What?” cried the others staring at her in shock.

“What rules?”

“Since when do you care about rules?”

“Don’t be such a Dipper, Wendy!”

“Shut up, Robbie.”  She straightened her cap and gave them a determined look.  “Listen guys, I’ve spoken to Dipper enough and seen enough time travel movies to know more about time travel than the rest of you, okay?  There’s rules to this thing. And the time cops take their jobs pretty seriously. They once locked up one of their own for several life sentences just because the twins took his device and then dropped calculators and shoes in the past.  If they find out that we’ve taken one of their time machines after they went through the trouble of warning us about a guy who wants to kill us, they’ll probably turn us into babies again. Going through high school once is already more than I can handle sometimes, do you want go through it all again and wait another sixteen years before we’re allowed to drive?”

They said nothing but judging by the looks on their faces the thought did not appeal to them.

“Okay, so, according to Dipper and Mabel, they keep an eye out for paradoxes,” explained Wendy.  “That means we can’t stop our parents meeting or whatever. We can’t invent anything that doesn’t exist yet.”  She took a deep breath. “We can’t stop Weirdmageddon,” she said quietly. “Doesn’t matter how much we want to, if we try to stop something that important it will bring the cops right to us and we’ll be punished before we can stop anything.  But,” she added, “Dipper thinks some things are okay to change. He told me Mabel invented the high five years before it should have appeared and the cops probably let it slide since all it did was change some movie lines or whatever. That crazy cop lady said it herself, nothing we do is of any importance.  That means little things should be okay, but we can’t drastically change other people’s lives. No saving someone who can’t be saved,” she said miserably.

The boys looked at their feet in silence for a moment.  “Okay,” said Robbie eventually. “Nothing big. No saving people, no warning the town about Gideon or Cipher, no stopping Mendez from coming to town.  I only want to change one thing. Nobody will be hurt or saved. Just one thing. That okay?”

“Yeah,” said Wendy, more to herself than to Robbie.  “One little thing should be okay.”

“Yeah, and we just want to ride a dino,” said Lee as Nate nodded.  “No pranking cave men in case they end up being our great-great-grandads or whatever.”

“Would’ve been fun, though,” Nate muttered disappointedly, earning a quick jab from Lee.

“Right,” said Wendy.  “Good, so now that that’s settled, you guys just go do your thing.  Have fun.”

Lee and Nate grinned, Lee pulling the cord repeatedly and the boys high fived each other just as they vanished.

Robbie looked at Wendy expectantly, but she just started walking towards the town.  “Aren’t you going to go to a different time?” he asked, trying to catch up with her, suddenly aware that her strides were now longer than his and that it would require more effort on his part to keep up with her.

“Nope,” she responded simply, quickening her pace.

“So, uh, what are you doing here then?” he asked, already starting to struggle.

“You first,” she responded, breaking out into a run.

Robbie scowled at her but said nothing, and soon she was far ahead of him.  “I’ll just see you in the future then!” he yelled at her back, clutching his side and wheezing.

She raised her hand over her shoulder in acknowledgment.  

“Oh man,” he gasped as he tried to keep a steady jog.  “Tight jeans are not awesome for running!”

 

* * *

 

****

“What were they thinking?” demanded Dipper angrily.  “I’ve told Wendy about the dangers of messing with time!  How many jokes have we made about people in movies being warned about it and still doing it!”

“Easy, Dipper, easy,” urged Mabel putting her hands on his shoulder to calm him down.  “Look, you know Wendy, she probably just wanted to go back and prank herself or something!”

“Then where are they?” demanded Dipper as Tambry bit her lip anxiously and Thompson rocked back and forth on the ground.  “They said they’d be back in five seconds!”

“Maybe they meant minutes?” suggested Mabel hopefully.

“It’s been _seven minutes!”_ Dipper let out a miserable sigh.  “We’ll have to go after them,” he said, walking towards Pink and taking what looked like a watch from his wrist.

“Woah, Dipper!” said Mabel in alarm.  “Usually I’m okay with wild adventures, but we’ve got a killer at our feet and those TPAES guys watching the time stream and we’ve no idea when they even went!  We can’t just jump through time until we find them, we’re not that lucky!”

“See, I don’t think we need to be lucky,” said Dipper, nodding.  “Remember Blandin had that watch that could do all those things like show flashbacks and stuff?  Maybe that’s what he was using to scan for time anomalies and - aha!” He showed Mabel the watch, pointing to the face.

“‘Miles Industries Chronometer,’” she read.  “‘Miles Industries - We’re Miles Ahead!’”

“Forget the catchy slogan,” said Dipper irritably.  “Look at all the apps - chronometer, time travel tracker, calorie tracker, anomaly detector - we can use this to find Wendy and the others!”

“I don’t know,” said Mabel, looking at Pink.  “Aren’t you the one who’s always saying not to play around with time travel?  Plus there’s this killy guy here-”

“Exactly!  We need to call the TPAES as soon as possible to get this guy, but if they come back to find out the others have been messing with time they might put them in the Infinetentiary!  Who knows what they’re doing?  Remember what happened to us? We almost got eaten by a dinosaur and that other time we accidentally broke the time tape and almost got stuck ten years in the past!”

“Heh, at least Wendy finally thought you were cute!” said Mabel, nudging her brother.

“Waitaminute,” said Tambry, considering the boy and the way he used to dress.

“This is serious, Mabel!” said Dipper, not even reacting to the comment, showing his sister how grave this was.  “We’ve got more experience so either we need to stop them from doing something that could get them arrested - or we something’s gone wrong and we need to help bring them back!”

Mabel looked down at Pink again.  “But what about him?”

“You two stay here,” Dipper told Tambry and Thompson, passing them the time beacon.  “If we aren’t back in five minutes - and I mean five minutes - hit that button. It means we’re in trouble and only the TPAES can save us.  If he wakes up - just run. Okay?”

“We can’t let you go!” cried Thompson.  “Wendy would kill us if we let anything happen to you!”

“There won’t be a Wendy to kill you if we don’t go!” said Mabel.  

Tambry looked from the twins to the time-beacon in her hand.  “You’ll bring them back?” she asked. “You promise?”

“Trust us!” said Mabel, giving her a comforting pat on the arm as Dipper fit the chronometer to his wrist.  “We’ve got experience! And a grappling hook!”

Tambry thought of Robbie.  She thought of Wendy. She thought of Lee and Nate.  She thought of everything Wendy had told her these two had done that first summer.  “Okay,” she said eventually. “You guys can go.”

“Well we were going to go anyway, but thanks for the permission!” said Mabel, picking up one of the time tapes and locking arms with her brother as he activated the machine.

They felt the familiar electric sensation and in an instant were in the exact same spot, with no one else in sight.  Dipper glanced at the device on his wrist and tapped at it, grunting in frustration. Then he pulled the tape again. “Aha!” he cried. “I think we’ve found them!  Looks like they went back five years. I wonder what they wanted to come back for?”

“You know what I wonder?” asked Mabel, her brother looking at her curiously.  “Why didn’t we phone our Grunkles for their help before we started this dangerous journey through time?”

The twins stared at each other for a moment before Dipper slapped his forehead with annoyance, Mabel giving an exasperated groan.  “We should really try to communicate with our guardians more,” she sighed.

“I think we got too used to doing everything ourselves last summer,” said Dipper.  He checked the chronometer. “Come on,” he said as they started to run to the town.  “The sooner we get through this, the sooner I’ll get those new clothes that will help hide my scent from monsters.”

Mabel rolled her eyes.  “Sure, me and Mom pester you to change clothes for a whole year, but Wendy and Ford suggest it once and now you’re all for it!”

 

* * *

****

“Oh man!” said Thompson, trying to force the hands on his watch to move faster as they sat in the van, Thompson in the driver’s seat while Tambry sat at the open door.  “Come on, come on!”

“Stop ranting!” snapped Tambry, not lifting her eyes from her phone in the hope that somehow staring at it could bring about a relieving phone call from Robbie or one of the others.

“I can’t help it!  I’m freaking out! It’s only been two minutes!  Why can’t time go faster?”

Tambry turned around, ready to scream at him to shut up - but froze when she saw the terror in his eyes.  She spun around and felt a gloved hand take her phone from her grasp as Phillip Pink glared at her.

“Where,” he growled, wiping the blood from his nose and holding the phone above their heads, “are Corduroy and Valentino?”

Tambry swallowed.  Then she felt a hand grab her shoulder and pull her away from the threatening figure before Thompson returned to the wheel and slammed on the accelerator.  The van lurched and for a brief moment they felt it dart forward - only to suddenly feel it stop.

Tambry climbed up from the floor and scrambled to the back window, looking out to see Phillip Pink standing in the road, lifting the the back of the van off the ground with one hand as he scrolled through the phone with the other, finally putting it to his ear.

Thompson heard his phone ring in his pocket as he glanced through the rear view mirror and whimpered.  He pulled the phone out of his pocket. “Hello?” he asked nervously.

“Stop the van,” ordered Phillip Pink.  “I can rip this thing apart with my bare hand if I have to.”

Thompson shifted his gaze towards Tambry, trembling as she stared at the cyborg.  He bit his lip and lifted his foot.

“Good boy,” said Pink through Tambry’s phone.  “Now take the keys out and drop them out the window so I know you won’t try any other brave moves.”

Thompson closed his eyes and gave another whimper.  Then he did as he was told. He felt the back of the van gently lower to the ground, then he heard the heavy footsteps approach and finally the jingle as his keys were picked up.

He opened his eyes to find Pink leaning on the window, dried blood still at his ears and nose.  “Where are Corduroy and Valentino?” he asked again, wiping at his bloody nostrils.

“I’m not gonna say,” whispered Thompson, avoiding the fearsome gaze.  “You can kill me or torture me or even eat me but I’ll never rat out my friends.  We swore an oath to never talk to cops - not even murderous ex-time cops.”

Pink pointed a finger at the teen and opened his mouth to issue a warning - but stopped when he noticed something was missing.  He twisted his wrist, completely ignoring a confused Thompson and Tambry, then checked his other hand just to make sure. His eyes widened in horror as he looked desperately for his satchel and saw it down the road, opened.

“Oh no,” he breathed.  He ran towards it and quickly counted the time tapes inside.  “Oh no!” he said again, pulling out his tablet and checking the data.  “Those morons!” he roared, making the teens back in the van jump. “I’ll kill them!”

Pink pointed at the two in the van, giving them the fiercest scowl either had ever seen.  “You two have no idea how lucky you are,” he growled, taking one of the time tapes from the satchel and hooking it to his belt before pulling it and disappearing in a silhouette of white light.

“Oh man!” groaned Thompson, collapsing back into his chair.  “I’m so glad he doesn't think we’re important enough to murder!”  He turned to check on Tambry and saw her desperately searching the van.  “Hey, are you okay? What are you doing?”

“What’s the one thing we swore we’d never do?” asked Tambry, tossing empty cans and wrappers out of the still open door.

Thompson frowned.  “You mean tell Wendy and Robbie about that time at that party where we played spin the bottle and you and I-” He stopped when he saw the look she was giving him and the time-beacon in her hands.

“Oh,” he said.  “Right, call the cops.  Yeah, that makes way more sense.”

 

_Author’s note: I’ll admit that I’m pretty late in joining the Gravity Falls fandom and as such there’s a lot of trivia and comments from the creators that I am only recently discovering that already conflict with some plans for future stories.  As such, I have decided that while I will try to be as accurate to the original show and Journal 3 as possible, I will pick and choose from the universe around it. For example, I’ll just say that everybody except Ford has ten fingers and toes from birth.  I’m trying to keep a level of realism to my stories. Another example I remember hearing about (can’t remember where) is that in Gravity Falls the moon is fake and is actually some alien observation device or something. I’m just gonna say it’s a big ol’ chunk of rock floating in space and affecting the tide and werewolves._

_If anyone notices that I’ve made a mistake such as saying Mabel wore a blue sweater during an episode when it was really green or I’ve forgotten something that the show or journal mentioned, please feel free to comment and I will amend it.  If, however, I write that Wendy broke her arm as a kid and there is a tweet revealing that she’s only ever broken her foot, I’ll probably just leave it. I’ll try to stay as close to these other facts as possible, but I can’t promise I’ll be completely accurate, especially not if they conflict with where I want my stories to go - I have a few paths planned that I doubt most people would agree with for these characters.  My AU, my rules._

_I’ll try to stay in character and also have a degree of realism but, at the end of the day, these stories aren’t really any more or less believable than any other fanfic.  I just think of this as one AU in a multiverse, each with a different past, present, future and cast._

_Which is the whole point really, if every fanfic were the same we’d lose out in so much joy and fascinating interpretations of the same episodes or characters.  At the end of the day, this is my own little fiction of the adventures I imagined the characters having after the show and I wanted to share these in the hopes that others like them._

 


	4. Chapter 4

Several million years earlier, Lee and Nate had not enjoyed themselves as much as they thought they would.  When they had first arrived, things had seemed to be looking good, and even the torrential rain and intense heat hadn’t dampened their spirits at first.  They had just marvelled at how far back they had gone, even if it had taken several tries to accomplish. When they saw the flying creatures they high-fived each other in celebration at finally arriving at their intended time and immediately set out to find a dinosaur to ride.

This took much longer than they had expected as most creatures they came across were closer to the sizes of chickens and would usually flee when they approached.  Only a few hadn’t, in which case Lee and Nate had to flee from _them_.

After two hours their stomachs started to growl and they debated whether they should try to catch one of the smaller creatures and become the first humans to ever eat a dinosaur, but quickly decided against it.  For one thing, they didn’t have Wendy’s survival training and were unsure how to actually catch one, let alone create a fire and cook them. For another, they had no idea if it was safe to eat roast dinosaur or if it would even taste good.

They were considering just petting and taking several selfies with some of the smaller dinosaurs and returning to an era with humans and relatively safe food when they heard  heavy footfalls and turned to see a group of triceratops, young and old, moving slowly towards the forest. The boys grinned and punched each other in the shoulder, eager to live out their childhood dream.

A minute later they were running for their lives as a stampede of triceratops tried to gore or crush them to death.

Turns out dinosaurs don’t like it when people just randomly jump on their backs, dig their heels into their sides and yell: “Charge!”

Luck saved their lives.  Nate tripped trying to jump over a log just before a decline, tumbling for a short distance until he hit a large stone.  Lee, just behind him, saw this and maneuvered to help his friend, dragging him behind the rock just in time for the dinosaurs to lose sight as the mighty creatures reached the decline.

“Oh man,” gasped Nate, clutching his chest as Lee panted beside him.  “That was close! I am so glad we aren’t dead.”

“Not yet,” grunted a voice behind them, making them jump.  They both turned and saw the large form of Phillip Pink glaring at them.  “You boys were beyond moronic to come here,” he said, wiping away the last flecks of dried blood on his nostrils as their eyes widened and their jaws dropped.  “There’s literally no person alive to help you. You die here and the dinosaurs will eat you till there’s nothing left-” He paused when he saw that their horrified stares were now aiming higher than even his tall stature.  “What are you lookin-” he almost asked before a set of powerful jaws clamped down on him and lifted his heavy form into the air.

Lee and Nate screamed as the strange dinosaur shook the wanted criminal in its jaw.  It was a tall dinosaur, not as bulky as some in the movies. It’s back, tail and head were adorned with many dangerous looking spikes while its mouth was long enough but barely wide enough to hold the struggling cyborg.  They watched with a fascinated horror as Pink used his cybernetic arm to pry open the creature’s mouth and then sit upright, eventually managing to stand despite the beast desperately shaking its head to remove the intrusion from its maw.

Pink grunted as a wave of warm breath that stank of decay washed over him.  Then someone threw a rock at his head. He blinked in surprise as his mind tried to register that last part.  He looked down and saw the teenage boys picking up stones from the ground and launching them at the dinosaur’s resisting meal.  The boys promptly stopped their throwing when they saw the look he gave them.

“I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU!” roared Pink, his biological hand pointing at the screaming teenage boys as his cybernetic arm and legs stopped the large carnivore from devouring him.  “I’M GOING TO GRAB YOU BY THE ANKLES AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH EACH OTHER!”

“Run!” cried Lee, dodging the dripping saliva and running between the great beast’s legs, Nate just behind him.  “We’ll escape while that T-Rex is eating him!”

“IT’S A RADDAWGCERATOPS, YOU EEJITS!  LEARN YOUR BLOODY DINOSAURS!”

The teen boys sprinted to the tree line and jumped behind the first impressive trunk they could find.  “Don’t worry,” managed Lee. “That rawdog-whatever’s got him! I think we’re safe.”

They jumped as Pink came flying through the air past them and into what appeared to be a chasm in the ground, the RadDawgCeraTops having finally managed to shake him loose.  Lee peered round the tree to check that the strange creature wouldn’t try to follow them, but he relaxed when he saw it make a frustrated roar and walk away, apparently deciding that these strange creatures were too chewy.  Meanwhile, Nate carefully approached the hole and peered over the edge to see a groaning Pink, struggling to his feet.

“Come one,” Nate hissed to Lee as they ran through the woods to get as far away from the cyborg as they could.  “It’ll probably take him a few minutes to climb out of that place!” he said, right before they walked into a thoroughly annoyed and dirty Phillip Pink.

Pink dashed forward and in one quick move grabbed them both by the front of their shirts and lifted them into the air.  Then, he moved his cyborg arm so that it was holding onto both their shirts, allowing his biological hand to release Lee and take the time tapes from both of them.

“How did you manage to get out of that pit so quick?” asked Nate in horror.

Pink gave him a disbelieving look.  “Time travel!”

“Oh, right,” grunted Nate as Lee tried to kick at the muscular redhead holding them hostage.

Pink just shook his head at their stupidity as he put the time tapes back in his satchel along with the others.  Then he noticed the papers that were falling out of Lee’s pockets as he tried to kick him. Pink caught one of the wanted posters and gave it a kick scan, considering the information it held.  He looked at the teenagers he was holding aloft.

“Where did you get this?” he demanded.

“We’re not telling you anything,” grunted Nate, spitting at the redhead.

Pink ignored the spit on his shoulder, thinking hard.  “Before you hit me,” he muttered to himself, his mind racing.  “They must have sent someone who told you I was coming. They gave you these posters.  You have too many to have just picked them up, that means that they were delivered to you and asked you to spread them around.  That’s why you didn’t stop when you hit me - you were warned about me. Corduroy and Valentino were in the van so they would have been one of the first ones to warn.”  Pink frowned, considering that last piece of information. “Wait. They’d want to try and warn as many of the zodiac as they could. They couldn’t risk warning all of them, the temporal storm would make it too risky for more than one time jump.  So they’d try to find as many as possible in one place. Why not the Shack? Three of them live there, that’d be much better for them. Why would they alert the two in the van? Unless there were more? But who else would be in the van with Corduroy and -” Pink’s eyes bulged with realisation.  He glared at the other two teens struggling in his grasp and they shuddered at the look he gave them. “When,” he demanded, “Are Mabel and Dipper Pines?”

****

* * *

 

 

“So where are they?” asked Mabel, breathing heavily from the mixture of running and brisk walking that had finally led them to outskirts of town.  

“I see two blips on this thing,” gasped Dipper, in far worse shape than his twin and trying to read the chronometer display.  “I guess they must have split up? I can’t tell who’s who.”

“Splitting up,” said Mabel with a shake of her head.  “Rookie move. Thought Wendy would have been smarter than that.”

“I just don’t get what she was thinking,” muttered Dipper.  

Mabel heard something unfamiliar in his tone and gave her brother a sideways glance and noticed his scowl.  “Dipper?” she asked in slight puzzlement. “Are you - are you actually mad at Wendy?”

Dipper said nothing.  

“Wow, you actually are!” said Mabel in shock.  “I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen you mad at her before!”

“I get mad at her!”

“No, sometimes you get annoyed at her,” corrected Mabel.  “You get mad at me, Stan, sometimes even Soos. Never Ford and never Wendy.  Which is kinda unfair really, she can tease you as much as me sometimes but I never catch you giving her that adorable scowl-face.”

“I am not adorable!”

“There it is!” cried Mabel, pointing with glee.  “Aww. So cute! Seriously, though, what’s brought this sudden emotional upheaval?  Hormones?”

“She’s messed with time, Mabel!” snapped Dipper angrily.  “She should know better! This could endanger all of us! Who cares about something that happened years ago when it can risk what you’ve got now!”  Dipper looked away, embarrassed by his outburst, increasing his pace as he focused on the future watch.

Mabel cocked her head to the side as she considered her brother and was suddenly reminded of their mother before a memory jumped to the surface.

_Sometimes, Mabel, your Mom might get angry at you,_ their father had said to her one night, months ago after an argument had made her run to her room and to Sweater Town.   _But that’s just because she’s frightened, Mabel.  She worries about you and your brother. You two get into all these adventures and she’s scared that one day it could go badly for one of you.  So when she gets mad at you, she does it because she loves you, Mabel. Because she doesn’t want you to get hurt and sometimes when people get scared they get angry.  Even at people they love._

“You’re scared she’ll get hurt,” said Mabel.  Dipper said nothing but she could tell he had heard her from the flinch in his shoulders.  “Okay, fine, be mad at her. But we both know as soon as you see her, you’ll just forgive her with nothing more than a snarky reply at most.”  Dipper remained silent, so she shrugged and decided to leave that topic alone for now. “Okay then, where is she and what would she want to change?”

“Wait, why are you asking me?” asked Dipper anxiously, breaking his silence.

“Come on, Dipper!  You two are like best friends!  If anyone would know what she was doing, it’d be you!  I mean, I’ve no idea what Robbie could be doing so we might as well focus on Wendy.”

“Wendy’s a lot more private than you think,” said Dipper.  “There’s some things she doesn’t like to talk about and I don’t like to press her and I’ve only known her for one year-”

“Blah blah blah!” said Mabel, straightening her fingers and moving them up and down against her thumb to mimic a flapping mouth.  “Come on, you and her spent half the summer together, you talk to her online more than anyone except Ford, you two talk during your movie nights - spill it!”

Dipper said nothing for a moment, considering what he should say and what he could say, what he felt comfortable discussing.  “I’ll tell you if I think you need to know,” he said eventually. “Wendy has her secrets and our friendship is based on trust.”

“Oh fine,” said Mabel with an irritable, yet understanding tone.  “I get that. So then. Where, without divulging too much of Wendy’s mysterious past, would she head to?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed.  “Look, how would I know where she was five years ago?  Either one of these blips could be Wendy. We’ll just head to whichever’s closest to us.”  Dipper put his hand out and stopped his sister. “We also need to be extra careful,” he added firmly.  “We’ve got those TPAES agents monitoring the timestream so we can’t risk any little alerts that might draw their attention.  That means we have to go the extra mile and hide our identities. It’s way easier to remember meeting someone from five years ago than it is from ten years ago and we don’t want any of our friends or Stan to make any connections between us and the pair of twins that they’ll meet later.”  Dipper looked at his sister, frowning. “I think you need to lose the sweater.”

Mabel gasped.  “What? Never! How dare you suggest such a thing!  My sweaters define everything about me, I wear them to symbolise my personality, mood, hobbies or whatever I happen to feel like wearing on that particular day!  Why would you deny me my symbolism, Dipper?”

“Mabel, you’re sweater has your name on it.”

“Yeah, fair enough,” said Mabel, taking it off and tying it around her waist.  

Dipper glanced at the chronometer.  “Alright, looks like they’re both near Circle Park.  I think, don't know if I’m reading this right.” He led the way away from the town and into the woods.  “Come on, it’ll be faster if we head this way and there’ll also be less chance of us bumping into someone.”

Mabel followed her brother and took her hair band out, plucking a pretty flower from the ground and tucking it behind her ear.  “Can’t do much about the curls or the colour but I guess this will do. What about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” said Dipper, with a shrug.  “I’m wearing completely different clothes and hat from our first summer.  I doubt anyone could make a connection. Hmm. Almost there. One blip seems to be staying still.  The other keeps wobbling, I guess that means they're moving? Let's go for whoever's staying still.  We’ll just run up to them, grab them and time jump to 2013 and then do the same to the others. Then we call the cops to pick up Pink and we go to the mall and have fun just like we planned, just us, Wendy, Lee, Nate, Thompson and Tambry!”

“And Robbie,” added Mabel.

“Yeah, him too.”

Mabel rolled her eyes.  “Geez, Dipper, learn to stop holding a grudge.  There’s no need to have a stupid rivalry anymore!  Wendy isn’t interested in either of you.”

“Yes, I’m aware, thanks,” said Dipper, dryly.

“Dipper!  Robbie’s moved on to Tambry so you should just move on too!  Perhaps to a certain blonde…”

“Oh, here we go,” Dipper sighed.  “Are we seriously having this conversation again?  Right now?”

“Yes, and we’re going to keep having it until you take the hint!”  Mabel shook her head in frustration. “Look, just try it! Pacifica’s willing!  And didn’t you write that you two had a vibe?”

“Stop reading my journal!  And stop pushing me! Remember what happened when you tried to push me before?  In the bunker? And then again with Candy?”

Mabel hesitated.  “Yeah, you’re right,” she reluctantly conceded.  “I’m sorry Dipper, I just don’t want you to spend all summer worrying about Wendy again.  You said it yourself, you had way more fun with her when you weren’t worrying about how she made you feel.”

“Yeah, I did say that,” he agreed, grudgingly.  “And I meant it. My friendship with Wendy is too important to let a stupid crush ruin it.  Besides, it’s not like last summer, okay? I’m not obsessing over her, or whispering under my breath or constantly trying to impress her anymore.   I just...think about her every now and then. I want to spend time with her, but I want to spend time with everybody now that we’re back. Look, Mabel, I get you’re trying to help but my feelings towards them both are awkward and embarrassing and I think I need to sort it out myself.  Okay?”

“Yeah, I guess,” said Mabel.  “Wait. Did you just say you have feelings for both?”

“Uh!” said Dipper, floundering.  “Let’s - let’s just hurry up and-”

“So you do have feelings for Pacifica!” said Mabel happily.

“No!  I mean - yes.  Maybe? I don’t know!  Look, I said it was complicated, and I really don’t want to talk about it right now-”

“That’s okay,” said Mabel, patting her brother on the shoulder as they finally spotted the park through the dense woodlands.  “It’s a start! Now we just have to work on squeezing out all those lingering Wendy feelings and recycle them into Pacifica feelings!  I’ll help!”

“Didn’t you just agree to let me deal with it myself?” demanded Dipper.  “Mabel, please, just let me deal with it in my own way, I need to - oh.” Dipper stopped in his tracks.  “Oh, Mabel, I can see Wendy,” he whispered, no trace of anger in his voice.

“Where?” Asked Mabel, searching for their friend, worried at her brother’s tone. Then she saw her, sitting at one of the benches and watching the children play.  A far as she could see, there didn’t seem to be any clear danger to the timeline. “Okay, I see her,” she said, peering through the branches of the bushes and trees that hid them.  “Weird, she’s just sitting there. But I think we’ve found her before she can change anything.”

“No, Mabel,” said Dipper, pointing deeper into the woods.  “I can see Wendy.”

Mabel followed her brother’s finger and saw a tall redheaded girl with pigtails, sitting under a tree away from the park and hidden from everyone but them.  Even at a distance and with her head in her hands, they could see that she was crying.

“Oh,” said Mabel.  “She - she doesn’t look happy.”  Mabel cleared her throat and rubbed her now bare arms uncomfortably.  “Come on, Dipper,” she said, miserably. “We can’t help her, we can’t risk messing with the timeline.”  She pushed away branches and stepped into the park. She looked back towards where the crying preteen was and saw that she was now hidden from view.  Then she noticed her brother hadn’t followed her. “Dipper?”

He stood on the same spot, looking back and forth between the two redheads, the hesitation clear on his face.

“Dipper!” urged Mabel.  “What are you doing! We can’t mess with the timeline!”

“I know but look at her, Mabel!” said Dipper, pointing to their crying friend.  “I can’t just leave her there!”

“Dipper,” Mabel stepped back into the woods to confront her brother, “Use your head!  You’re the brain twin and I’m the heart twin! I’m meant to make the irrational, emotional decisions based on my feelings, you’re meant to make the practical, sensible solutions based on reason and facts!  We have a yin yang system, don’t disrupt the system, that’s my job!”

“I won’t tell her anything!” protested Dipper.  “I’m in completely different clothes, I’ll use a fake name, I won’t mention I have a twin-”

“Well that’s just rude,” muttered Mabel.

“And I won’t spoil the future!  You know me, Mabel, I’m too paranoid to give anything away!  You go talk to the other Wendy, make sure she doesn’t go anywhere or meet her past self, I’ll be there in a minute!”  He started making his way to the younger girl.

“It’s things like this that make me ship you with Pacifica!” she called out before he heard her move back into the park.

He ignored her, slowly approaching the redhead at the base of the tree, not sure what he would say.  He was still thinking when a branch snapped loudly under his foot. The crying girl gave a start and looked in surprise at the teenage boy.

“Uh,” said Dipper, freezing on the spot as the girl stood up and angrily wiped at her eyes and cheeks, glaring at the awkward teen.  “Hi! I’m - I’m Tyrone!” He winced as his voice cracked uncomfortably.

“What the hell do you want?” demanded the angry redhead.

“I - I was just-” stuttered Dipper, unused to being the focus of Wendy’s anger.  “I’m not from around here - I was walking through the woods-” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly under her wrathful gaze.  “Are you okay?” he managed eventually, moving closer to her.

She took a wary step back as he neared, her fists clenching.  Dipper held up his hands in an attempt to show he meant no harm but she didn’t let her guard down for a second.  Dipper stopped while still out of arm's reach, noticing the redness in her eyes and considering how different she was from the Wendy he knew.  She wore a tucked in blue t-shirt, without her more common shirts, but he had seen her in other clothes, rare though that was. To see her in sneakers was unusual, he couldn’t remember seeing her wear anything other than boots.  The red hair he had thought about so often was in pigtails and he could tell it was much shorter now, probably ending just past her shoulders while his Wendy’s hair extended past her waist. She was also thinner and her skin wasn’t as clear as in the future, and she was noticeably shorter, but that wasn’t saying much considering the teen’s impressive height.  Even at eleven years old, she was still taller than the teen boy.

“What do you care?” she snapped, not taking her eyes off him.

“I care,” said Dipper immediately.  “I mean, er, I saw you crying and-”

“I wasn’t crying!” she spat at him.  “You don’t know what you’re talking about!  Idiot!” she added in a whisper she made sure he heard.

“Yeah,” agreed Dipper.  “Yeah, I can be an idiot.”  He sat down on the ground, at the base of the tree next to where she had been sitting.  “But I know what it’s like to want to be alone when things get too much,” he said miserably.  He scratched his neck again. “People can suck, huh?” he asked.

Her stare turned from one of open hostility to suspicion.  “What the hell do you know about it?” she asked, her tone matching her gaze.

Dipper shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant way.  “Like, I said, I know what it’s like to want to avoid people when you’re at your lowest.  About not letting people see you when you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset,” she hissed at him, baring her braces.  

“Okay, okay,” said Dipper, raising his again hands to pacify her.  “My bad. I just meant that...you look like you needed someone to talk to.”

“If I wanted someone to talk to I’d go see my friends!  I have friends I can talk to! Bet you don’t have any,” she muttered, again making sure he could hear.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said.  “I don’t have any friends.” She blinked, suddenly uncomfortable with herself.  “At least, I didn’t,” he explained. “Not until last year. Before that I was just the weird kid that nobody talked to.  They’d call me names, laugh at me, make fun of everything I did. Whenever it came to picking groups for class or in gym I’d always be the last one.  Smartest guy in class but people still thought I was too weird to want in their homework group.” He gave a short, hollow laugh. “One time, in gym, the last two people to be picked for teams were me and another guy who sprained his ankle and had it in a cast.  They still picked him! If it wasn’t for my sister…” Dipper faltered, not sure what his life would have been like without Mabel.

“Sorry,” muttered Wendy, biting her lip in regret.

“That’s okay,” said Dipper, waving her apology away.  “That was then. Like I said, I made friends last summer.  My first real friends. There was one guy, an older guy but he treated us like that didn’t matter.  We’d blow up food in microwaves, play video games, invent things, stupid, childish things that nobody else would do with me back home.”  He chuckled. “Great guy. We’re bros now.”

Dipper pulled off his hat and pulled at his bangs to better hide his birthmark.  “Then there was this girl. The coolest person I’ve ever met. Way too cool to hang out with someone like me, but she did.”  He gazed at the hat in his hands. “That other guy I mentioned, he’s friends with everyone. But she was a bit, I guess you’d say, more selective with her friends.  And she still picked me, despite how weird I was with her, my awkwardness, all of that...she’s the first person outside my family to make me feel really special.”

“You like her,” said Wendy softly.

Dipper coughed into his fist, frustrated that his feelings were still so obvious.  Then he nodded, glaring at the grass as he put his hat back.

Wendy hesitated for a moment but sat down at the tree next to him.  “Does she know how you feel?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed.  “She knows. I kinda blurted it out once and...we had a talk.  She’s too old for me and just wants to be friends. And I’m - I’m fine with that.  Really,” he said, catching her disbelieving look. “She’s...she’s my best friend. And that’s more important to me than having a girlfriend.”

“Well how much older is she?” asked Wendy.  “I mean, maybe in a few years-”

“I don’t want to think like that,” said Dipper quickly, rubbing his arms.  “I mean, I keep thinking stuff like that. But I don’t want to. I’m smart enough to know that...that I should stop worrying about what I want to have and just enjoy what I do have.  And my friendship with her is what’s really important to me. I just wish moving on was was that easy,” he muttered. “My sister keeps trying to get me to ask out this other friend but...but I don’t want to ask her out if I still have feelings for this other girl.  I tried something like that before and a friend got hurt. And I don’t want to hurt anyone just to make myself feel better.”

“That’s pretty cool of you,” she said.  She scratched her chin thoughtfully. “There’s a boy I like,” admitted Wendy.  “Russ Durham. But he doesn’t even know I exist.”

“I find that hard to believe,” admitted Dipper.  “You seem pretty special to me.”

“Freaky, you mean,” she grunted, pulling at her pigtails.

“You know, W- er, wh- what’s your name?”

“Wendy.”

“Wendy, right.  Anyway, I’m a freak, just ask anyone.  My sister’s a freak, so are pretty much all of our friends and family.  And that friend I told you about? The cool one? Well, she once boasted to me that she was a freak.  And that made me feel really special. She showed me a picture of when she was younger and she really stood out from the crowd.”  Dipper reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Wendy frowned at the hand but didn’t remove it. “There’s nothing wrong with being a freak,” said Dipper with conviction.  “It’s normal people who are really weird.”

Wendy grinned.  “Oh man, you’re right about that!  There’s this dude in town called Tad Strange-”

“Yeah, I think I know him,” Dipper grinned back.  “If that’s what normal looks like, count me out!”

Wendy giggled.  Then her smile faltered.  “But look at me,” she said, standing up.  “I’m too tall, I’ve got braces, kids make fun of the way I look-”

“There’s nothing wrong with being tall,” said Dipper.  “It makes you look older so you can get into movies you shouldn’t be allowed to go see.  And my sister has braces but everybody says she's got a super bright smile. If you're still not happy, well, maybe you can try something a bit different?” suggested Dipper, seeing that she still looked doubtful and getting to his own feet.  “I mean, that sounds super weird coming from me,” he grunted. “Last year I just wore lots of the same clothes for the whole summer. Same jacket, shirt and shorts. Sometimes they were so similar I’d end up wearing the same clothes for a week without noticing!”

“Yeah, you do stink,” commented Wendy.

“The point is,” said Dipper through gritted teeth.  “I’m trying to change. Me and my friends were actually going to get me new clothes to wear before we got sidetracked.  So, yeah, I’m trying to do better this year. Look, I hate picking clothes. I’m super indecisive about everything, the idea of which pants match which shoes, that just confuses me.  But I’m willing to give it a shot. For my friends and my sister.”

“Yeah, picking clothes suck,” agreed Wendy.  “I like what I wear, why can’t people leave me alone?”

“Because people suck,” said Dipper.  “But I really don’t have a sense of style.  Maybe I should just listen to my sister more.  Her sense of style is...actually, never mind, her style’s pretty weird.  But now I’ve got a group of older friends so I can get their advice. I think I’ve picked up one or two things from them.  Well, some of them dress like dead people, but that’s a whole other story.”

“Well what would you suggest I wear, Mister Hangs-Out-With-The-Cool-Kids?” said Wendy sarcastically.

Dipper frowned at her tone but thought back to the Wendy he knew.  “Well, how about a hat? I like hats. Plus, they can hide your hair if it’s really bad and you can hide snacks in them.”

“Keep going,” said Wendy, nodding as the boy in front of her suddenly started to appeal to her gluttony.

“Er, maybe try a shirt to go over your t-shirt?” suggested Dipper, trying to make the ideas as casual as he could.  “And wear jeans, jeans can go with everything. What’s your favourite colour?”

“Flannel.”

“Flann-” Dipper stopped himself from saying flannel was not a colour.  He remembered many times when Wendy had tried to defend it as such but suspected that this younger Wendy wouldn’t treat Dipper’s protests with the same light-hearted amusement as her future-self.  “Okay. Flannel. Fine. How about green flannel? Sometimes red could look good too, but overall I think green to match your eyes.”

“Mm-hm,” said Wendy thoughtfully.  “Go on.”

“Well, why don’t you try boots instead of sneakers?  That’s better for the woods. Also you can kick people harder with them,” he added, thinking of what Wendy had told him when she had given him her younger brother’s spare pair.

“Right,” said Wendy, “so what you’re saying, Mister People-Say-I-Have-No-Sense-Of-Style, is that I should dress just like you?”

Dipper looked down at the green flannel shirt, worn jeans and old boots that had belonged to Wendy’s younger brother.  “Huh,” he said, thinking that this was pretty convenient. “Um, I guess? Actually, my own clothes were ruined by, er, that’s not important.  I’m just getting a loan of these. That’s why we were going shopping. Do, er, do you like them?”

Wendy considered the boy, looking him up and down.  “Actually, yeah. Yeah I do.” She hesitated. “Do you think I could pull that look off?”

Dipper smiled.  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you could.  Do you want to try on my shirt? See how it looks?”

Wendy gave him a look.  “Do I look like the kinda girl that carries a mirror?”

“That’s okay, I can use the selfie feature in my phone.”  He brought out his phone to show it to her before he started on the buttons.  

“Don’t think I’ve seen that type of phone before,” she commented as she took the shirt and, after a disgusted sniff that almost changed her mind, slid her arms through the sleeves.

“I, er, have a friend of the family who’s an inventor,” said Dipper quickly, cursing himself for showing off his technology.  “He made some upgrades.” It wasn’t a lie, McGucket and Ford had worked together to come up with ideas for the cell phone they had given Dipper for Christmas.  They had created a power source that would likely outlive him, made it extremely durable, and added several features for recording, photographing and scanning, as well as several upgrades that would no doubt help him in recording the strangeness of Gravity Falls.

“Okay, how do I look?” she asked as she finished the last button.

“Uh,” he said, comparing her to the Wendy he knew.  “Maybe, maybe fix your hair?”

“What’s wrong with my hair?” demanded Wendy.  “Got a problem with redheads?”

“What?  No! Redheads are beautiful!  I-I-I mean-” he stammered as Wendy turned a bright red, making him feel suddenly self conscious at having brought out such a reaction in a girl.  “I meant, maybe, wear it straight! Not pigtails! Make you look older!” He cleared his throat, trying to settle his nerves. “I meant what I said,” he managed, after a moment.  “Red hair is - it’s very nice. But I didn’t mean it like that. I’m- I’m not into younger girls.”

“Wait, how old are you?” asked Wendy as she reached up and removed her scrunchies.

“Thirteen.  Well, almost four-”

“Wow, you’re short,” said Wendy, shaking her hair loose.  “So, how do I look?”

“Not that short,” grunted Dipper, but he took a step back to look at her better.  “Yeah,” he said. “That looks more like it. Want to see?”

“I’m not done yet,” she said, holding out her hand.  “Let me try your hat.”

Dipper hesitated.  “You, er, you want to wear my hat?” he asked nervously.

Wendy blinked at his sudden reluctance.  “Yeah, you said a hat would look good on me.  I want to try yours. See if you’re right. Why are you so nervous?  It’s just a hat.”

Dipper removed the hat and looked at it nervously.  Then he swallowed and passed it to her. “Take care of it,” he pleaded, fully aware of the irony of his request.  “It was a gift,” he explained as he let go.

Wendy raised an eyebrow but took it gently, giving it a quick sniff just as she had with the shirt and was surprised to find that it seemed to be pretty clean and in good condition.  Catching the way Dipper was looking at it, she guessed who the hat was from and couldn’t decide if his concern for it was cute or creepy.

“Okay,” she said, positioning it carefully.  “Now let me see.”

Dipper fiddled with his phone and passed it to her.  She took it and looked at the image in front of her. She looked...good.  Stronger. Older. More confident. But there was still a hesitation in her eyes.  “I...don’t know if it’s me,” she admitted, looking down as she passed the phone back to him.  

“Maybe not,” agreed Dipper.  “But it could be. You look more confident like that.  That cool friend I mention, she’s told me that she only pretends to be cool on the outside.  That on the inside she’s actually super stressed. About lots of things. She’s got a temper and her family really drive her nuts.  She’s had - she’s had family trouble in the past and I know that‘s hurt her more than she likes to let on,” he explained, causing her to lift her eyes.  “She’s the only girl in her family and sometimes that makes her feel left out. But she acts confident because she thinks that helps. Because she doesn’t want people to know how hurt she was.  But even despite all that, I’ve seen her do amazing things. There was a time when I felt all alone in the world, when I was lost and seperated from my family, the worst I’d ever felt. And then she found me, protected me, and helped me find them again.  I couldn’t have done that without her.” He held the phone out to her again. “And I think you’re capable of being just like her.”

“She sounds pretty cool,” agreed Wendy, taking the phone and taking another look at the flannel-clad girl it showed her.  “And I do look good…”

“Yeah, you do,” said Dipper with a grin, making her blush again, which in turn made him feel even more awkward than usual.  He cleared his throat in a poor attempt to hide his embarrassment as Wendy returned his phone. “Sorry,” he said as she handed him his hat.  “Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“That’s okay,” she shrugged, unbuttoning the shirt and handing it over.  “Just never had a guy compliment my looks before. But I know there’s nothing between us.”

“Yeah,” agreed Dipper regretfully, recalling a five-year old who thought he was cute and a fifteen-year old who gently told him she was too old for him.  “You’ve got that guy you like, I’m still trying to sort out my feelings-”

“No, it’s not that,” said Wendy, considering her scrunchies but determinedly putting them back in her pocket.  “I just couldn’t go out with a guy who’s shorter than me.”

“Gee,” said Dipper, scowling.  “Thanks.”

Wendy giggled.  “You scowl cute!” she said, then laughed again as his scowl deepened.  “But, seriously, thanks,” she said with sincerity. “You’ve given me some good advice.  And you’ve made me feel better. I had some...stuff that I was struggling with. And you made me feel special.  No guy’s ever done that before.”

“No problem,” said Dipper with a smile.  “Um, listen...if you want to talk about what was really bothering you then I’m right here.  Or you should talk to your friends. Just - just talk to someone, okay? My sister went through some serious stuff.  Some things that she couldn’t tell anyone about and recently she’s been to see a psychiatrist and...and that’s really helped her.  So, yeah, talk to someone. And if you don’t have anyone, maybe make a journal or diary.” He rubbed the back of his head. “There are some things I couldn’t talk to anyone about until I made friends.  And even then there are some things I don’t want to talk to them about, so I have a journal and that really helps. Helps me just...not bottle it all up, you know?”

Wendy struggled to reply, her automatic response to insult him, dismiss his advice since she was a Corduroy, tougher than tough...but she heard something in his voice, the way he held himself, the honest concern and even fear in his eyes and knew that this boy knew what he was talking about.  “Okay,” she finally said. “I’ll talk to Tambry. She’s my best friend. And if I can’t talk to her, I’ll make a diary.”

“Good,” said Dipper, breathing a sigh of relief.  “Good. But, honestly, I think you’re gonna be okay.  Things might get tougher for you, maybe even real soon...but you strike me as the type of girl who doesn’t back down from a challenge.”

“Damn right!” she declared proudly.  “I’m a flippin’ Corduroy!”

“That’s the spirit!” cried Dipper, grinning as he gave her a friendly punch on the shoulder.

Wendy looked at the spot where he had punched her, then glared at him and returned the blow with much greater force than he had ever received from the older Wendy.

“Ow!  Seriously?”  Dipper rubbed his shoulder painfully.  “Ow! That was just a friendly punch! Geez, kid, get a sense of humour!”

“Well maybe you should either learn to take a punch or stop hitting people,” snapped Wendy.

The two glared at each other for a moment.  Then Dipper chuckled as he suddenly realised the strangeness of the whole situation, grinning as the preteen became confused at his reaction.  “You’re gonna do great, Wendy Corduroy,” he promised with a confidence that caught her off guard. “You’re gonna be cool, a heart-breaker, and an amazing friend.  And most of all, one day you’re gonna be the type of person who’ll see someone you care about in pain and do whatever it takes to help them.”

“Why are so sure about me?” she asked quietly, genuinely confused by the incredibly awkward teen’s obvious confidence in her.

“You remind me of someone very important to me,” he admitted.  “And, you even remind me a little bit of myself when I was your age.  And, thanks to some good people, I turned out okay. And you’re clearly stronger than I am,” he added, indicating his still sore shoulder.  “So, yeah, I’m sure you’ll turn out okay.” He looked past her, remembering his sister and his friend as he knew her. “I have to go,” he said, straightening his hat.  “I have to go find my friends and sister before they get in trouble.”

“Always looking to help people, aren’t you?” asked Wendy with an approving smirk.  She stood a little bit straighter, pulling her t-shirt out of her pants and brushed at her hair, unused to having it in her new style.  “Well good luck with finding them,” she said. “Will I see you around or-?” she let the question hang.

“I doubt it,” said Dipper, considering his words.  “We’re only dropping by, didn’t plan on even staying this long.  But, who knows, maybe in a few years we’ll meet again.”

“I’d like that,” she said with a grin.  She stepped forward and gave him a much softer punch to his other shoulder.  “Thanks for the advice, kid!” she said, “Good luck with that girl and your friends!”  Then she ran deeper into the woods, agile as a cat, a skip in her step.

Dipper chuckled.  Then he frowned. “Hey!” he called after her.  “Don’t call me kid, I’m older than you!”

“Yeah, but you're still shorter!” she called back, spinning on her feet and marching backwards as she waved at him, a grin on her face.

Dipper shook his head, but waved back, also smiling.  When she vanished from sight, he stopped waving and made his way to back to the park.  He stepped out of the way as a small group of kids chased each other, screaming and laughing.  He shook his head at them, wondering if he’d seen any of them around town in the future.

_Mabel was right.  Time travel is complicated._

He looked to where he had seen Wendy, fearing that she wouldn’t be there anymore.  He relaxed when he saw them, his sister waving at him as Wendy stared at the cap in her hands.  He was about to join them when he saw a familiar figure out of the corner of his eye.

Robbie Valentino, easily recognisable in his hoodie, was quickly heading towards the exit of the park, the hood pulled up in what Dipper assumed was his attempt to hide himself.

Further ahead was a much smaller boy, with dark hair and wearing the exact same hoodie, a portable gaming console inches from his face.

Dipper saw that both Robbies were moments away from exiting the park and vanishing from sight.  He turned to Mabel, desperately pointing towards the retreating teen and preteen, unwilling to yell in case it drew the younger Robbie’s attention and he saw his older self standing metres behind him.

Mabel cocked her head quizzically.

Dipper groaned then pulled his shirt over his head and hat, stuck both hands deep in his pockets, hunched his shoulders and pouted miserably.  Then he pointed towards the boys.

Mabel blinked, then nodded rapidly in understanding.  She tapped Wendy on the shoulder and made to stand up but paused when Dipper held up us hands and shook his head quickly.

_Stay there,_ he mouthed.  He pointed to himself, then at Robbie, then made the motion of running with his fingers and finally pointed to the girls again and motioned for them to stay seated.   _I’ll get him then come back!_

He waited just long enough to see Mabel nod at him before he ran to catch up to the gothic teen, unaware of the invisible figure that was approaching his sister and friend.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Mabel shook her head and she left her brother to deal with his crush, instead heading to his crush.  “Hi, Wendy,” she said, sliding onto the bench beside her.

“Hi, Mabel,” said Wendy distractedly, watching a corner of the playground.  She blinked and turned to her in surprise. “Mabel! What are you doing here?”

“You guys were gone for a few minutes so Dipper and I came after you,” said Mabel with a shrug.  “Dipper’s over there, talking to younger Wendy and probably awkwardly trying to make you feel better while keeping his own thought and feelings for you hidden.  You know, classic Dipper.”

“Hmm,” said Wendy looking to where Mabel had gestured.  Then, suddenly out of nowhere, a memory hit her, a time when she felt tired and alone despite her friends and family, until a small, stinky teen came over and gave her some advice.  “Hey! I remember that! He helped me out! I remember going home that day and asking dad for a pair of boots and one of his old hats. He’s the one who made me change what I was wearing and start my diary.”  She laughed. “Russ Durham asked me out the next week! Then I dumped him when he went all moody ‘cause I beat him at arm wrestling.”

“I thought you said your dad gave you that hat for a winter camping trip and you just kept it to hide snacks in?” asked Mabel.

Wendy looked at her, wondering what she was talking about, but suddenly she could recall two memories that struggled for dominance, her mind the unfortunate battleground.  “Ow!” she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as the migraine struck. “What the hell? Why do I have two memories?”

Mabel groaned  “Stupid time travel!  And stupid Dipper!  He warns me not to mess with time, then goes ahead and does it ‘cause of his stupid crush.”  She looked at the older teen. “I think you should have another talk with him,” she advised as Wendy blinked painfully.  “Tell him that Pacipper is better than Dippendy.”

“What?” asked Wendy as her migraine slowly started to fade and the memories of that winter camping trip started to...change?  She tried to focus on those memories and was rewarded with another flash of pain.

“Yeah, don’t think about it, makes the headaches worse,” advised Mabel.  “Trust me, I speak from experience. But as I was saying, tell Dipper to move on.  To Pacifica.”

Wendy groaned.  “Mabel! Let Dipper deal with it himself!  Help him but don’t force him! I thought you were past this!”

“And I thought he was past doing stupid things for the sake of his going-nowhere crush!” countered Mabel.  “But now look at him! Messing up your timeline.” Mabel kicked at the ground beneath the bench. “It’s not healthy.  I’m worried about him,” she admitted. “I know he’s not as creepy as he was last year-”

“He wasn’t creepy!” snapped Wendy.  “Gideon was creepy ‘cause he wouldn’t take no for an answer!  Robbie was creepy when decided he’d rather live in a grave than move on!  Dipper didn’t try to push me or wallow in misery, when I said I didn’t see him that way he still wanted to be friends!  Okay, yes, I thought he would have moved on by now, but that’s not our problem to fix! If he wants our help we should give it, but I’m not gonna push him onto Pacifica if he doesn’t want to!  Okay?”

“Okay, okay!” said Mabel, scooting away from the angry older girl.  “Sorry,” she muttered, looking away. “Just thought you’d want him to stop being weird around you.”

Wendy took a deep breath.  “No, Mabel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get mad.  I’m - I’m just a bit emotional right now. And I know Dipper probably doesn’t want these feelings.  Look, Dipper’s different from us. We can like someone and then move on a week later. There’s nothing wrong with that.  But Dipper’s obviously not like us. And there’s nothing wrong with that either. He isn’t pushy or doing a Robbie so just be glad about that.  I know you want him to be happy but life just doesn’t work like that.” She hesitated. “Sometimes people just struggle to let go.”

“Yeah,” sighed Mabel, kicking her legs over the edge of the bench.  “I know I’m pushy. And I don’t want to be. Professor Passuum thinks I’m just so eager to make people happy that I’m struggling to accept that happiness can’t just be handed out.  That I’m so used to moving on and finding immediate gratification through food or romanticised thoughts of what lies beyond the horizon that I’m struggling to take into account that some people, like Dipper, struggle with positivity since they don’t consider themselves deserving of happiness in the first place, thus limiting and even tainting any potential happiness that they might come across through their own self-doubt and negative thoughts.”

“Uh,” said Wendy.

“She’s also said that I should communicate with Dipper and others more and while I should maintain my positive attitude, it’s healthier overall if I try to empathise with others who aren’t as carefree.  She said two likely outcomes are that either I’ll make them feel better or, even if I don’t, I’ll get a better understanding of their point of view. She’s actually said that the second outcome could be more useful in the long run as I have an unhealthy tendency to run or hide from personal problems when they overwhelm me and that I can’t expect someone else (usually Dipper) to solve these problems for me when I do so, since that’s too often led to people (namely Bill and Gideon) using my emotionally vulnerable state to their own advantage and causing me even more distress.”

“Er,” said Wendy.

“She also said that since I know a couple of pessimists I can help them and learn how they manage their constant struggles with negative thoughts, which can help me learn their different coping mechanisms and then discover whatever works for me.  Even if none of them do work, I can always say that I’ve found what doesn’t work or, even better, say I’ve at least tried something, which is already putting a positive spin to it.”

“Um...Okay?” said Wendy, caught off-guard by the girl’s long speech about something that had nothing to do with glitter, animals, food or hot boys.

“Basically, the Professor said Sweater Town isn’t the place to go since my problems will still be there when I come out,” said Mabel.  “That even if I rely on Dipper for a lot, I shouldn’t depend on him for everything, talk it out, he’s got his own problems, we should help each other, yin and yang, be a good sister and a better friend, yadda yadda.”

“Sound like she’s given you a lot of advice,” said Wendy quietly.

Mabel watched a line of ants on the ground.  “I’ve been to see her every day,” she whispered.  “She’s really helped. She says I’m clever and I’m smart enough to know what she thinks.  That I’m still young enough to enjoy my failings. Old enough to make up my own mind about what I want to change about myself and what I want to stay the same.  Old enough to know the truth and to decide how to make it right.” Mabel took a deep breath. “I know why you asked Dipper to tutor you, Wendy. And I know he swore you to secrecy just so I wouldn’t hear about it.  She told me about the Principal’s son,” she said.

“She shouldn’t have done that!” said Wendy, clenching her fists.

“I asked her,” said Mabel, shaking her head, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.  “I had to know Wendy, I knew Dipper and our Grunkles wouldn’t want to tell me and I couldn’t stand the look in their eyes if I asked them-”

“Nobody blames you, Mabel!” said Wendy, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“They should,” Mabel whispered.  “Fifteen people, Wendy. I had to know who they were.  Every person who came into the Shack, I kept wondering if it was someone they knew.”  Mabel swallowed. “I couldn’t stand it, I had to know who died. But it wasn’t just them I hurt, was it, Wendy?” she asked.  “Like your Principal. He got away, dodged the weirdness bubbles, but his son wasn’t so lucky was he? I was stupid, I didn’t think I’d be responsible for taking anyone’s children away and-” She gasped and Wendy wrapped her arms around her, a hug that she didn’t react to.

“You’re not stupid,” Wendy whispered, squeezing the trembling girl.  “You were tricked. But that doesn’t make you stupid.  Bill tricked so many people, it was just worse for you.  I’m going to keep telling you that, because it’s true. We all are.” Wendy rested her head on top of the girl’s.  “I’m the idiot,” said Wendy, recalling the meeting in the principal’s office with her father, the vice-principal and Officer Mendez, expecting yelling and shouting but only finding hushed voices that had ended up being so much worse.  “I played that stupid prank on him. I didn’t know about his son but that doesn’t excuse it. No one should be reminded of something like that. I should have checked. I was just so angry at the Act and I wanted to make someone else suffer a bit.”  Wendy squeezed her tighter. “And I can’t take back what I did to him - he’s left town and Professor Passuum told Mendez that it’s best if I don’t contact him. I can’t say sorry either, Mabel, no matter how much I want to. But I can at least try to be better, play less stupid pranks, actually work at my grades.  Stop making school even harder for people when they just want to get over what happened, stop being selfish and-”

Wendy stopped when she realised what she said.  She stopped the hug, falling back onto the bench.  “Stop being selfish,” she muttered. “I really am stupid.”

Mabel turned to her in concern, her friend’s tone drawing her attention away from her own troubled thoughts.  “Wendy? You okay?”

“No, Mabel, I’m not,” said Wendy, staring at the sky.  “I just said I promised that I wouldn’t be selfish. But look at me.  Look at what I’m doing. How selfish am I?”

“I don’t understand.”

Wendy leaned forward and put her head in her hands.  “I left you and your brother with a murderer,” she said.  “I’m endangering time, risking the time police arresting us all, just for my own stupid wish.”  She pointed to the corner of the park and Mabel followed her finger to see two ginger boys wrestling as a woman with brown hair sat near them, a third redheaded child on her knee.  “Meet my Mom,” said Wendy bitterly.

“Oh!” said Mabel.  “So, that’s your...I don’t...I never,” she hesitated, unsure how to continue.  “You never told me about your Mom,” she managed eventually.

Wendy peeked through her fingers at her in surprise.  “Dipper never told you?”

“Um,” said Mabel.  “No? I mean, I didn’t even know you’d said anything to him, I just assumed she was-”

“Dead?”  Wendy gave a short, humourless laugh.  “I wish,” she said, shocking her friend.  Wendy winced when she saw the look on her face.  “Sorry,” she said. “That was extreme. No, Mom’s alive.  At least, as far as I know. She left. Left Dad. Left us.  Her own kids.” Wendy glared at the woman with the children. “Dad and her argued all my life.  I just assumed it was normal, we were always a rowdy family. But it got worse as time went on. Their arguments got more personal.”  Wendy slammed a fist against the bench, startling Mabel. “In three months she’s going to have a massive shouting match with Dad. We’ll all hear it.  Hear her say she could have done so much more, ask why the hell she married him if this is the best he can do for her.” Wendy gritted her teeth. “We’re gonna hear our Mom tell our Dad that we’ve ruined her life and that she wishes she’d never had any of us.”  Wendy stared at the woman with hate. “And then she jumps on her damn motorbike and we never hear from her again. I know I can’t make her stay. I honestly don’t think I’d want her to, even if I could. I’ve thought for so long about what I’d do if I saw her, Mabel.  Tell her exactly what I think of her, make her feel even a bit of the pain she gave us. But I’ve been here for a hour and I still can’t bring myself to go near her.”

“I...Don’t know what to say,” admitted Mabel.

“That’s a first,” Wendy said, then winced.  “I’m sorry, Mabel. I didn’t mean it like that.  I meant it as a joke but…” Wendy sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she repeated quietly.  

Mabel put a hand on hers, still clenched in a fist.  “It’s okay,” she promised. “I’m not upset. You tried to make a joke even when you’re struggling.  I’ve done the same.” Mabel rubbed her head. “I never knew. Dipper never said a word. Even when we came here, he figured it out straight away but never said a thing to me.  I think...I think he thought it wasn’t his place to tell me.”

“I wouldn’t have minded if he had told you,” Wendy said.  “I trust you, Mabel, it’s just-”

“It’s just you’re closer to Dipper,” said Mabel.  “I get that. I just don’t get why he’d send me here if he knew why you’d come back.”

Wendy thought about that.  “I think I know,” she said after a while.  “During one of our lessons, Dipper said I was almost unstoppable when I set my mind to something.  When I asked him what he thought could stop me he just smiled. And I don’t think I’ll ever forget what he said. He said, ‘Wendy, you’re the coolest person I know, you’re one of the first people I’d ever rely on.  But my sister is the most powerful force in the universe and even Wendy Corduroy can’t stand up to that.’ And then he went on teaching me as if he hadn’t just said one of the sweetest, most impressive things I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m lucky to have him,” admitted Mabel with a smile.

“Yeah,” agreed Wendy.  “We both are. Dipper was a great help to me, Mabel.  I’m not just talking about the lessons. When I had to talk about Bill or Weirdmageddon, he listened to me when no one else could bare it, not even Tambry or Robbie.”  Wendy shook her head. “After the meeting about the Principal, I talked to him. He just listened to me rant and rave about how stupid and selfish I’d been, how I’d ruined a man’s life, how the principal had the strength to come back to work and spend time around other people’s kids knowing he’d lost his own, the damn courage that must have taken...and then I remind him of it all just for a laugh.  And Dipper listened to me, never interrupted until I was through.” She removed her hat and gazed at the Pine Tree symbol. “When I was finally done, you know what he did? He told me about all of the stupid mistakes he’d made. He reminded me about that time he almost got us killed by the Shape Shifter just because he was too scared to reveal his crush and even that time I’d yelled at him for wanting to hang out after my break-up with Robbie.  He didn’t hold anything back, he told me things I didn’t even know. Like that time he risked your lives when you were shrunk because he was too focused on who was taller. That he’d endangered your lives just to go to that Summerween party with me, summoned that video game guy who attacked him and Robbie, even that time he kept going back in time to win that panda-duck and stop Robbie from asking me out! He told me that he’d made plenty of mistakes too and he wouldn’t blame me for mine.”  Wendy traced her fingers over the blue design. “I never told him how much I appreciated that.”

“Well now’s your chance,” said Mabel standing up to wave as Dipper came out of the woods.

“Yeah, but I don’t like the emotional junk,” said Wendy with a smirk.  “I’m more of a punch you in the shoulder affectionately kinda girl.”

“You did a good job when we said goodbye last year,” Mabel pointed out, turning her head as her brother started to make strange movements.  “Short but sweet. I think what you said was really important to Dipper.”

“Hmm,” said Wendy doubtfully as Mabel started nodding at her brother.

Mabel sat down again as Dipper ran for the exit.  “Look, Wendy, I think you should let Dipper know. I mean, I’m sure he already knows but it’s like Grunkle Stan once said, thinking something’s true is different from hearing that it is.  Dipper doesn’t know many people outside the Falls. And you’re like his best friend.” She shivered as the air turned colder and decided to put her sweater back on, making sure it was back to front so her hair hid her name.  “Should have done this the first time. Anyway, find some way to tell him, even if it isn’t through words. Just, something more than a punch. Like a hug! Okay, not a hug,” she agreed as Wendy raised an eyebrow. “Maybe a gift with a letter that says thanks for tutoring me and everything else?  Like I said, short but sweet.”

“Yeah, maybe I will,” said Wendy, leaning back and putting her cap back on.  “He definitely deserves it. I’ll just have to decide what to get him. Any ideas?”

Mabel didn’t answer.  She was too distracted by their time tapes seeming to disappear.  “What the-” she managed, before invisible hands landed on their shoulders and they felt the electrical sensation of being carried through time.  

To them, the park had changed in a moment.  Gone was the fading daylight, now the sky was darker but the heavy snow made the park shine as the cold from the air and the light snowfall bit at them.

The snow hit the chrono-flage suit and Phillip Pink appeared, a hand on both their shoulders.  Both girls cried out in surprise and tried to pull away, but he refused to let go.  Wendy drew her axe and chopped at the arm holding her but the sharp blade had no effect on the cybernetic limb.  Mabel, meanwhile, bit at the fingers that held her and was pleased to see Pink wince despite the gloves protecting his digits.

Wendy stopped her futile strikes on the arm and took a swipe at his neck, forcing him to release her so that his time-tanium alloy fist could knock the weapon away.

Free from his grasp, Wendy rolled away, bringing her blade in front of her as she circled the bench, trying to trap him between it and her, limiting his possible directions.  “Let her go,” she growled, refusing to take her eyes off him.

Pink winced again as Mabel bit harder.  “No,” he said, watching her warily. He twisted his position, tripping Mabel with a foot and finally making her let go, allowing him to grab the back of her sweater and hold her at arm’s length.  “Put the weapon down and we’ll talk. Otherwise I’ll do to you what I did to those dino-chasing eejits,” he said, as Mabel clawed at his arm.

“You let her go first,” grunted Wendy, not rising to the bait.  She realised that it must be his human arm holding her friend at bay and wondered if one good swipe could pierce the suit enough to force him to release her.

Pink scoffed.  “Fine,” he said, drawing what looked like a short plastic mace from his belt.  “Be that way.” He pointed the mace at her and she saw him thumb a switch on the handle before an arc of lightning struck her and her body burned despite the cold.

It was only a moment, not even a second, but she fell to one knee and gasped as her body begged her to stop, Mabel crying out for her.  “That all you got?” she gasped, using her axe to get back to her feet and take a stance.

Pink stared at her incredulously.  “Bloody hell, kid, what are you made of?” he demanded as Mabel twisted in his grasp, kicking his metal legs despite the neck of her sweater choking her.

“Freaky lumberjack genes,” grunted Wendy.  “Now let my friend go.”

Pink sighed and shook his head at her.  “You know, I really don’t like you,” he told the defiant teen in front of him.  “But I won’t deny that you’re brave,” he said, raising the shock-baton again as Wendy braced herself.

“No!” cried Mabel.  Then she noticed the time tape on the cyborg’s belt and, stretching enough that her sweater dug even deeper into her neck and started to rip, her fingers just reached the cord.

“No!” yelled Pink and Wendy together, turning to her when they heard the click of the time tape, Pink reaching out to stop her as Wendy leapt at them, both too slow.  

Wendy landed in the snow, all alone in the cold night.  “Mabel!” she called, as if her cries could be heard through time.  “Mabel!” She stumbled and scanned the park as if hoping the girl would suddenly appear, safe and sound.  “Oh God!” She fell to her knees, clutching her head. “Mabel! I’m so sorry!”

She heard the sound of someone approaching in the snow and out of the corner of her eye saw a futuristic boot take a step towards her.  Gritting her teeth in rage, Wendy took hold of her axe with both hands and swung it as hard as she could. One hand caught the axe while another slammed into her face, knocking her back into the snow.  Wendy spat and the snow turned red. She heard the crunch of snow again and looked up at her attacker.

“You’re a failure,” grunted Commander Axel, glaring at the stunned teen.

“Wha-”

Axel growled and reached down, dragging Wendy to her knees.  “Get the hell up!” she barked. “Look at what you’ve done!” She pointed to the place where Pink and Mabel had been.  “I gave you that damn beacon so I could stop Pink! And now he’s gone and he’s got the girl! What, you think you’re the only person in the world with mommy issues?  Grow up! Those kids trusted you and now look what’s happened! And it’s all your fault!” she screamed at her, the words making her feel colder than the winter ever could.

“Please,” Wendy begged for the first time in her life.  She reached up and grasped the furious woman. “You have to help!  Take me to jail! I don’t care! I’ll do anything! Just - just don’t let him hurt her!”  

Axel slapped her hands away.  “I came back to stop him from carrying out his plan and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some stupid teenagers stop me,” she hissed, relief washing over Wendy despite the fury in the woman’s stare.  “You might actually be able to help,” added Axel reluctantly, considering her. “You held your own against Pink’s shock-baton better than you should have. We can use that.” Axel continued her glare as Wendy got to her feet.  “But this isn’t a stupid game. This man is dangerous. We might only get one chance-”

“I’ll do whatever you need me to do,” promised Wendy.  Then she hesitated. “Do - do you think he’s hurt her?”

“Maybe,” said Axel quietly, making Wendy turn even paler.  “She’s a troublemaker and they don’t make good hostages. He might need to quieten her down.  But I don’t think he’s killed her,” she added. “She’s more useful alive for now.”

Wendy feared the worst but shook those thoughts away.   _Don’t worry about what he could do, focus on stopping him from doing it._ “So, how are we going to get my friend back?” she asked, a determination in her eyes that even Axel found admirable.

 

* * *

  


Robbie reached the town much later than he was sure Wendy had.  He made a quick stop to buy a bottle of water to rehydrate before he began his search for his younger self.

It took him five seconds to realise finding his twelve-year old self would be a lot harder than he had first thought.

In most forms of fiction, going back in time and encountering your past selves, friends or relatives is almost a guarantee within the first few minutes.  Robbie was beginning to realise that it was just a common situation used by writers to bring about interesting and unique dialogue or situations that would never normally occur and create a scene of character development or humour.  

Either that or just lazy writing.  

Realistically, happening to come across anyone important to you was pretty unlikely, even in a small town.  Unless that person had a very specific place that they liked to be for long periods of time, people tended to wander and go to any number of local places and finding even someone you knew well would be down to dumb luck.

He had tried his house but couldn’t see himself when he peeked through the windows.  He had briefly considered trying to climb into his own window but even if he could manage it, he was sure his parents would hear him and a strange teenager breaking into your child’s bedroom could bring out violent tendencies in most parents, never mind those who had a disturbingly cheerful attitude to death and owned several guns.

He tried the arcade, Greasy’s, Main Street, all without any sign.  He was debating whether he should try the mall or just camp out by the funeral home until his younger self eventually came home when he spotted the teenage Wendy heading into Circle Park.  Deciding he might as well check if she had any more luck in doing whatever she had wanted to do, he ran into the park and scanned for either red hair or her now trademark cap.

When he found her he was confused by what he saw.  She seemed to just be sitting at a bench, watching some kids playing.  He followed her gaze to see where exactly she was looking and saw-

_Oh._ Robbie ran his fingers through his hair.   _That explains it._  He watched his friend and former girlfriend, wondering if he should go over to her, say something, say anything.  But then he remembered the conversations from that morning, the reminders that they had grown apart in the last year, and something told him that even if she wanted to talk to someone it wouldn’t be him.

He turned away from her, considering his own reason for returning and looked around the park at the younger kids, scoffing at the enjoyment they were experiencing, reflecting back on how much happier he had been when he was young, before high school, puberty, peer pressure and society’s expectations.  He had complained about his life even back then, but now he knew how much he should have enjoyed what he had. But if there was one thing he’d change…

He was watching the kids playing when he gave a start.  His younger self was talking to a younger Nate and Lee by the swings, each holding a games console. Robbie grinned at finally having found his target and took a deep breath to tell his younger self that he was from the future and had come back to warn him that-

The grin vanished.   _Oh crap, I was so focused on finding him I didn’t figure out how I would convince myself!_

Robbie groaned and put his head in his hands.  Why hadn’t he thought of that! He should of known it wouldn’t be as simple as walking up to him and telling him he was from the future!  There was no way he’d believe him! He’d just assume it was a teenager trying to pull a fast one, call him a jerk, kick him in the shins and run away!  Robbie sat on one of the many logs around the park, trying to think of how to start the conversation, unaware of the teen girl stepping out of the woods behind him and making her way towards their redheaded friend.

He just watched his younger self for a while, going through several different scenarios but each one led to his past self not taking his warnings seriously. 

He took out his phone and scrolled through several pictures for motivation and realised that he could use the pictures to help him.  Yes! He could show his former self the images, use them to show him the ways his life had changed - that could work!

He smirked at his own cleverness.  He had a plan! Easy! The only problem now was Lee and Nate.  He frowned at the other boys. He didn’t want to give the message when there was any chance someone could overhear or interrupt.  This was too important to risk anyone messing it up. He would have to wait until he was alone.

Robbie checked the large clock that was visible from anywhere in the park.  Soon his former self would be heading home for dinner. He knew he’d make his way back home through the town, taking several shortcuts that would offer plenty of opportunities for a private conversation.  Robbie scrolled through his phone again, trying to find the best pictures to show. When minutes had passed he saw the preteen friends walk away from the swings, Nate and Lee heading towards one park exit, while the younger Robbie went to another, all of them still glued to their games.

Robbie pulled his hood up to better hide his face in case anyone made any connections between the two and followed the boy out of the park and across the road.  He was glad when Younger Robbie walked into an alley and offered the perfect opportunity.

He reached a hand out to his younger self but was suddenly grabbed from behind, a sweaty hand clamping over his mouth and silencing him.  Robbie panicked and struggled but his assailant was tricky and had the advantage of surprise. Robbie felt his elbow connect and a familiar voice cried out in pain, finally ending the hold.

Robbie spun round and saw Dipper clutching his eye painfully.  “You!” cried Robbie in surprise and outrage. “What are you doing here?”  Then, recalling his goal, he turned and saw that his younger self, too focused on his game to notice the scuffle, had left the alley to join the crowd on the streets.  “You idiot!” snapped Robbie as Dipper glared at him. “You’ve ruined everything!”

“Me?” Dipper snapped back, “I’m the one trying to stop you from messing up the timeline and getting arrested!”

“I didn’t need your help and I definitely wouldn’t have asked for it if I did!”

“What, you think I wanted to come here?  You guys said you’d be back in five seconds and were gone for almost ten minutes!  We had to come find you to make sure you hadn’t wiped yourselves from existence!”

“Wait, what?  Wait, does that mean you left Tambry alone with that maniac?  Why would you do something like that!”

“Why would you?” Dipper demanded.  “You’re her boyfriend!”

Robbie blinked.  “I - I don’t have to explain myself to you!”

Dipper gave an exasperated yell and kicked at the dumpster with his boot.  “For God’s sake, Robbie! This isn’t a game! What were you doing trying to talk to yourself?”  Dipper glared at the older teen who was avoiding his gaze. “I thought you were happy with Tambry!  Why would you risk that when-”

“I am happy with Tambry!” snapped Robbie, “That’s what I was trying to tell myself!”

“What?”

Robbie sighed and looked around the alley to check that no one would suddenly appear out of thin air or overhear him.  “Look, kid,” he said, “I was interested in Wendy for a long time, alright? I’m talking years, here. And even when I finally got the nerve to ask her out and she said yes, I still wasn’t happy.  For a little while I was but it wasn’t enough. I wanted more and she couldn’t give it. But Tambry’s different. It’s just easier with her for some reason. So that’s what I wanted to tell myself.  Convince him to stop chasing after a girl that wasn’t really right for him and instead go for the one who was.”

Dipper stared at him.  It had never occurred to him that this would be the reason.  He’d been too worried about the consequences and dangers of time travel to really think about what Robbie could have wanted, but what little thought he had put into it had been assumptions of childish pranks, revenge on some bullies or maybe some way of leaving his family some financial advice to make him a millionaire when he returned to the future.  He hadn’t expected this.

Dipper sighed.  “Look, Robbie, I get wishing you could take back a crush that led nowhere. Really, I do.  But time travel’s no laughing matter. It’s too dangerous to fool around with just to take back a crush.”

“That wasn’t the only reason,” admitted Robbie.  He looked at the boy. “Wendy and I have been friends for years.  She means a lot to me. When we broke up, I didn’t just lose my girlfriend, I lost a friend.  When she stopped talking to me, man, you can’t imagine what that did to me.”

“Yes I can.  I remember the ringtone and the grave and-”

“Shut up!  Look, that was my bad.  Doing that to Wendy was wrong.  I admit it. I was a bad boyfriend and treating her like that, that was the worst thing I’ve ever done.  And I’m not a nice guy. Wendy and me, we haven’t been as close as we used to be, not since then. I thought we were okay but all this year I’ve been the last person she’ll talk to about personal stuff.  I have to hear half of it from one of the others. She doesn’t ignore me or anything, it’s more that I’ve gone from being her close friend to just a friend. If that.” Robbie stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and kicked at the ground.  “I miss our friendship,” he admitted. “I was hoping I could take back my mistake and find happiness at the same time. Help make me, Tambry and Wendy happier all in one go. But now I’ve probably jumped on the bus home.” Robbie gave a grunt.  “It was a stupid plan anyway. Like I’d really believe whatever some random teenager would say about giving up on Wendy.”

Dipper watched as Robbie scowled at the ground, feeling more sympathy to him than he could ever remember.  “You know, Robbie,” he said slowly. “I can relate. I’m...I’m having trouble moving on. I mean, I’ve tried.  Really. I don't want to feel these things anymore. I know she doesn’t feel the same and that I don’t have a chance.  But I can’t switch these feelings off. I’ve tried but it’s a stupid, stupid crush on an impossible girl that won’t go away.”  Dipper sighed. “If I’m honest, Robbie, I’m kinda scared. Our friendship means the world to me but I’m worried that these stupid feelings will ruin that.  I mean, it’s been a whole year since she turned me down but I still like her!” Dipper took a step backwards and slumped against the wall. “How weird is that?” he asked.  “The only other guy I know like that is Gideon! And Wendy doesn’t deserve a creep like that hanging around her.”

Robbie looked at the poor boy, obviously in despair over his emotions and struggling with hormones and rejection.  This time last year we would have loved to see him in his current state. But that was then. Robbie cleared his throat, feeling the strange urge to help his former rival.  “Listen, dude...you’re right. You don’t have a chance,” he said, completely failing at helping his former rival and earning a disgruntled look. “But you’re way wrong about her thinking you’re a creep.  I mean, I always knew you liked her and so did she. But she wasn’t creeped out by your feelings.” Dipper blinked in surprise. “You gave her space, you didn’t try to pressure her into dating you like that weirdo Gideon did with your sister.  You were happy just being friends. See, I was always jealous of you, kid. I spent years trying to make Wendy notice me and then this twelve-year old came along and suddenly you’re all she can talk about. Even when we dated, she’d always let me know if she thought I was out of line with you.  When you and Mabel left, it was always you she’d talk about and miss the most” Dipper looked at the older boy, surprised by the intention behind his remarks. “And, look, dude, I liked Wendy for a long time. She’s a really special girl. So yeah, I can get why you aren’t over her yet. I mean, you’re handling it way better than I did-”

“Yeah, that was super creepy the way you were just lying in that grave with her picture-”

“The point is,” growled Robbie, “She broke both our hearts.  But at least she still wanted to be friends with you. And you do mean a lot to her.  I mean, she’s still not interested. At all. ‘Cause you’re still too young for her and even if you weren’t, you’re still short and skinny and have a weird-sized head and those clothes really stink-”

“I get the picture,” grunted Dipper.

“Look, I only moved on from Wendy when I found Tambry.  And I’m way happier now. So I think you have a shot at happiness too, whenever you decide it’s the right time.  I know it won’t be easy, obviously. But if a jerk like me can find someone as amazing as Tambry...a cool dude like you can find someone out there too.”

Dipper stared at him.  “Did you just call me cool?”

“What?  No! Get over yourself!”  Then he relented, considering the boy before him and remembering himself at that age, interested in a friend who just didn’t see him that way.  “Can we be honest, man? I still don’t like you.”

“Gee, thanks,” said Dipper, rolling his eyes.

“I _mean_ ,” grunted Robbie in annoyance, “I wouldn’t call us friends.  But I don’t hate you anymore. Definitely not enough to put your face on a dart board anymore-”

“Wait, you did that?”

“But I wouldn’t say we’re enemies or rivals either,” continued Robbie. “Associates maybe?  I don’t mind hanging out if it’s with the gang but I wouldn’t like it to be just us, you know?  I mean, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, and I owe your sister, but you’re still you and I’m still me.  Maybe one day? But not right now. That cool with you?”

“You mean like a neutral relationship?”  Dipper thought about that. “Yeah, I’m okay with that,” he said eventually.

“Cool,” said Robbie and smiled despite himself.

“Cool,” agreed Dipper, smiling back.  “Alright, let’s go get Wendy and Mabel then head back to our own time.”

“Wait, you left Mabel with Wendy?” asked Robbie, a worried look on his face.  “Dude, Wendy’s seen her Mom!”

Dipper let out a slow breath.  “Yeah,” he grunted, rubbing his neck awkwardly.  “But I don’t think she’ll do anything,” he added, surprising the older teen.  “When I saw her she was at the park bench just watching her brothers playing with a woman I figured was her Mom,” explained Dipper.  “I knew that if she hadn’t done anything yet then we’d be safe. Or if I was wrong then Mabel would have found some way to stop her.”

“You seem pretty sure about that,” Robbie said doubtfully.

Dipper shrugged.  “I like to think I know Wendy enough to know she doesn’t really like waiting.  And I know Wendy’s pretty stubborn when she sets her mind on something, but my if there’s anyone who can stop her then it’s my sister,” he said proudly.  “Now let’s go. We still need to find Lee and Nate before they get hurt or before that Pink guy wakes up.”

“Aye, well,” said Phillip Pink appearing down the alleyway, his hand resting on Mabel’s shoulder, her eyes red from crying, “I’m afraid you’re a wee bit late in stopping either.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

It was night again, whenever they were, but closer to dusk than when they had stood in the snow.  Now the air was warm and the ground was dry. Phillip Pink groaned in frustration as he took the time tape from his belt and put it in his satchel with the others.  Mabel gave a triumphant smile and blew a raspberry at him. He rolled his eyes. He kept a firm grip on her sweater but gave her some slack so that she wouldn’t need to tiptoe to breathe properly.  “Okay, kid,” he told her, taking a knee so that they were eye-level, “let’s talk.”

Mabel eyed the shock-baton the criminal had returned to his belt.

“Don’t even think about it,” he warned her.  “I’m faster than you and I’m more cybernetic than organic.  Even if you knew how to work that thing I’d be able to resist it.  There’s more metal than bone in my body so I doubt anything you do can really hurt me.”

“Challenge accepted,” said Mabel, reaching into her pocket.  “Glitter attack!” she yelled, blowing the sparkling material into his face.

Pink cried out in pain as his eye stung, pressing his hand against it.  He kept a firm grip on the girl but automatically closed both eyes as the pain half-blinded him.  It was all Mabel needed as she slipped out of the sweater she had already stretched in her struggles.  

“Hey!” cried Pink as he felt the clothing slacken and opened both eyes to locate her, despite the pain.

“Surprise glue attack!” retorted Mabel, taking a stick of glue out of another pocket and ramming it against the clear cybernetic eye, the eyelids instinctively closing to protect or clear his vision and inadvertently becoming stuck as the adhesive took affect.  He recoiled and tried to pull the lids apart but only received pain for his efforts. He gave up and glared at the teen just in time to receive a second gust of glitter in his remaining eye.

“Surprise second glitter attack!” cried Mabel as the cyborg rolled on the ground in blind pain.

Pink wrapped his arms around the satchel to stop her from taking any of the time tapes and escaping to a different time, getting to his feet to keep his eyes out of range of a third attack.  He blinked rapidly and barely saw a blurry figure run into the woods. He groaned and stumbled after her, packing the empty sweater into his satchel. “Come on, kid!” he called after her. “I’ve got all the time tapes, you need me to take you back!  You’re smarter than this, think about it!”

He tripped and landed hard in the dirt, still trying to blink his vision clear and giving up on trying to pry the lids open on his bionic eye.  He groaned in frustration at this since its different settings would have made finding the girl much easier. Unfortunately, those settings were activated by winking and that was no longer an option for him.  He briefly considered using more medi-gel but quickly dismissed that idea. For one thing, he had already used it to recover from the time jump and the collision with the van and too much too soon was risky. For another, the glued eyelids were annoying but not technically hazardous or even painful so he doubted that the medi-gel would do anything for him anyway.  He’d likely have better luck if he just found a source of water and splashed his face.

The thought of water reminded Pink just how thirsty he was, not having had a drink in almost twelve hours and no food in over twenty-four.  He licked his lips and shook his head to ignore his dry mouth and grumbling stomach and focus on the mission.

Pink got to his feet and marched into the woods, taking out his tablet to find any traces of the girl.  He attached his scanner wand to the tablet and adjusted the settings to scan for anything that could be the girl, sweeping it all around him in case she had changed direction.  It picked up a young humanoid female in the distance so Pink detached the scanner wand and followed the dot on his tablet.

Things had gone wrong in ways he hadn’t expected.  He should have arrived at the Shack, found at least most of the zodiac and had a meal by now.  Instead, he was chasing people through time and trying to avoid or stop any paradoxes. Just like what he used to do before he became a criminal. Pink set his mouth in a thin line and his thirst and hunger were forgotten in his determination to find each member of the zodiac and complete his mission.

He had been walking deep into the woods for several minutes now, surprised that she had made it so far out so quickly since his robotic legs allowed him to maintain a quick pace without the fear of tiring.  He saw a large, thick tree and, according to the tablet, there was someone behind it. He approached cautiously, surprised that she had stopped but guessing that she must be catching her breath, not having cybernetic limbs of her own.  Pink considered how to approach her. He could try the chrono-flage suit and sneaking up on her but the suit had been damaged in the struggle with the dinosaur, making it unreliable after a few seconds. There was also the problem of noise.  His heavy metallic legs were useful for many things but silent approaches were not on that list. Besides, he had already managed to surprise her that way once, he doubted she would fall for it again. So he went for the direct approach.

Pink charged at the tree, jumping out from behind it, his hands ready to grab at the teen and stop her from escaping again, his one eye ready to be closed in a moment.

The young girl jumped as a large, one-eyed man in a strange jumpsuit and helmet leapt out from behind the tree at her and she gave out a surprised cry of alarm, which Pink answered with his own at seeing she wasn’t his target.

“Sorry!” he quickly said as the girl scrambled away from him.  She was young, just a child, with long blonde hair and a dark purple dress that was stained with mud.  In her hands was a small shoebox which she cradled protectively. “Sorry! I thought you were someone else!”  He cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. “My bad. Have you seen - are you alright?” he asked, seeing the way she held the box away from him.

“I’m not going back,” she said definitely, getting to her feet and backing away from him.  “I don’t want to go back!”

“Okay, okay,” said Pink, raising his hands and taking a few steps away from her.  “Look, I’m not here to hurt you.” He looked around the woods for any adults and then remembered that the tablet had only detected the girl in front of him.  “You, er, you all alone out here?” he asked, knowing the answer.

The girl didn’t say anything, glancing at the dark woods around them.

Pink sighed and dropped to a knee.  “Look, sweetheart,” he said gently. “I’m not going to hurt you.  I just don’t think you should be out here alone. There could be bears or worse out here.”  The girl glanced at the woods again. “So, listen. If you don’t want to go anywhere that’s fine.  I’m just going to sit here.” Pink settled onto grass so he was cross legged and facing her.

The girl looked at him suspiciously.  “You’re not going to try and take me back?”

“Nope,” Pink answered simply.  “You don’t want to go anywhere, I won’t make you.  I just think you should stay here, where I can protect you.  If a monster comes out here, I can fight it while you run. But if you want to leave and go into those dark woods all alone and face those terrible creatures, then you go ahead.”  Pink shrugged. “Up to you. Personally, I hope you stay here. It was scary out there so I’m glad I found you. But who knows, maybe if the monsters find you they’ll leave me alone long enough for morning to come and chase them away.”

“There - there’s no such things as monsters,” said the girl, looking nervously at the forest around them.

Pink looked at her.  “I wish that were true,” he told her quietly.  “I really do.”

The girl swallowed and glanced between the darkness of the woods and the man sitting a little way away from her.  She sat down at the tree, keeping her back to it and making sure she was several metres away from him.

There was silence between them for a minute or two, interrupted only by the sounds of nature that could be found in any woods, nothing that spoke of the uniqueness of Gravity Falls, but the girl still flinched and twisted her head at some of the animal cries. 

“So,” Pink said after a while, drawing her attention back to him.  “What should we talk about?”

“Wouldn’t talking draw attention to us?” whispered the girl.

Pink shrugged.  “Maybe. Or maybe it could chase them away.  Who knows? But really, I think it’s too quiet.  Gives me the creeps. So if we talk it would really help me feel better.  Make me feel braver. Do you want to help me not feel scared?”

The girl thought for a moment and then nodded.  “What do you want to talk about?” she asked.

“Me?  I’m just a boring old man.  Who cares what I want to talk about.  What do you want to talk about? What do you like?  Do you have any hobbies? What’s your favourite colour?”

“Pink,” said the girl automatically.

He smiled at that.  “Good choice! I’m fond of that colour too.”

“But you’re a boy!”

“So?  Just because I’m a boy doesn’t mean I can’t have good taste.  But I think my favourite colour is brown.”

“That’s a boring colour!”

“I just told you, I’m a boring old man!  See why I wanted to talk about you instead?”

The girl considered him for a moment.  “Why are you being so nice to me?” she demanded.

“Because I have a little girl,” he answered.  “And I would be very upset if I ever found out that someone left her alone in the woods.”

“How old is she?”

“She just turned eighteen.”

“That’s not little at all!  That’s old!”

He laughed.  “I suppose she is getting old, huh?  More of a woman than a girl. But it doesn’t matter how old she is, to me she’ll always be my little girl.”

“Oh,” she said, thinking hard.  “Do you love her?”

“More than anything,” he said honestly.  “I’d do anything for her.”

“Do you like her?”

He blinked in surprise at the hesitation in her voice.  “Yes. She’s moody and sometimes she’s too honest and she complains a lot, just like me.  I like her very much.”

“Oh,” she said again.  She glanced down at the box in her lap.  “I don't think my Daddy likes me,” she admitted quietly.  “He yells at me. He keeps saying that I need to be better.  That I shouldn’t care what other people want. That I should listen more and just do what he says.”

“Yeah, parents can say all those things,” agreed Pink.  “I remember my Da saying stuff like that to me too. I remember being angry at him when he did.  And I’ve said those things to my daughter too when I’ve been mad at her. But you know what? I still love them.”  He glanced at the box. “You know, I used to be a police officer. I helped a lot of people. Sometimes I’d find girls and boys who’d ran away from home.  Sometimes it was because they got into trouble or had a fight with their parents or broke something and were too scared to go home in case they got in trouble.  If my little girl ever did something that made her too scared to come home I would be very sad. And scared. More scared than I was alone in those woods. More scared than if all the monsters of the world were chasing me.  Because I love her and the thought of never seeing her again is the scariest thing I can think of, sweetheart.”

She looked down at the box, opening it just enough to peek at the contents.  “You helped people?” she asked. When he nodded she stood up and warily approached him.  “Can you help me?” she asked him. “I don’t want Dad to get angry again. I don’t want him to hurt them,” she said, holding the box out and showing him what was inside.

Pink saw the tiny pink bodies that were trying to suckle at the white form of their mother, blissfully unaware of her rapid breathing, the twisted angle of her leg, the gash on her side and the blood she was leaking over her children.

Pink winced at the struggling life in the box as the girl watched them with concern.  “She didn’t mean it,” she whispered. “She was just getting food for her babies. I know that rats are dirty but I couldn’t let Dad hurt her babies.  And babies need their mommy! When he threw the book at her I had to get her because I knew he’d kill her and if he killed her they’d die and I know there’s going to be a party and we have guests and that we can’t-”

“Listen, kid-” Pink began, before she interrupted.

“Pacifica,” she said, tears in her eyes.  “My name is Pacifica. Please help me. Help them.”

Pink inhaled sharply.  He stood up as she gazed at him, frail and helpless and alone in the forest as his tall frame towered over her.  He reached his cybernetic limb towards her.

“Hi Pacifica,” said the one-eyed man with the sad smile as he gently wiped the tears from her eyes.  “My name is Phillip. And I’m going to try and help your little friends. If you’ll let me?”

Pacifica nodded and wiped her nose as she carefully handed him the shoebox.

“Okay,” Phil said with that same little smile.  “Let me see here,” he said, turning away from her slightly so she wouldn’t see him pull the medi-gel out from his belt and added the smallest drop he could onto his finger, rubbing it into the rat’s open wound.  He watched the rodent carefully, hoping he wasn’t getting the little girl’s hopes up for nothing, when he saw it take effect, the leg straightening and the gash on the side closing, leaving only a bald line on her skin.  “There we go,” said Phil releasing the breath he had been holding as he returned the box. “Good as new!”

Pacifica gasped and grinned at the mother rat, now looking around in confusion.  “She looks so happy!” she cried, too happy to care how the wounds had miraculously healed in only a few seconds.  

“And that’s all thanks to you,” Phil said proudly.  “If you hadn’t saved her then those babies wouldn’t have their Ma and they’d be all alone.  And they’re too wee to be alone.”

“You talk funny,” said Pacifica, frowning at the redhead despite her praise mere moments ago.

Phil chuckled.  “A little,” he said.  “But believe it or not, I’m from a place where everyone talks like I do.”

“Are you Scottish?”

“Sure, why not?” sighed the Irishman with a shrug.

“Like Scrooge McDuck!” said Pacifica with a grin.  “I like him! He’s richer than everyone else which makes him better than them!”

“Yeah, Scrooge is pretty nice,” Pink agreed slowly.  “Not the reason I’d pick but, sure, whatever you want.”

“Do you miss Scotland?  Why did you leave?”

“Sometimes I miss my home country,” he admitted.  “There’s a big part of me that will always belong there.  But I left for lots of reasons and I’ve been in America for a long time now.  My daughter and her mother are from here so I don’t regret leaving the old country.  What about you?” he asked her. “Do you want to go home yet? Because it sounds like you’re running out of time to decide.”

It was only then that she heard the people calling her name in the distance.  She could see flashlights cutting through the dark, slowly getting closer. Pacifica looked at the box, still fearful as she heard her mother’s voice, a nervous edge to it that none of the others had.  An edge that she doubted her father was capable of.

“That your Ma?” asked Phil, cocking his head to the sound of her voice.  “Sounds like she’s really worried about you,” he said when she nodded. “Which means you might have one parent you can rely on.  So why don’t-”

“Pacifica Elise Northwest!” barked Preston Northwest as he rounded a tree with flashlight in hand and saw his daughter in her filthy, torn dress in the middle of the woods with a disheveled commoner with a bad eye.  “What are you doing? Look at the state of your dress! How dare you disobey me like that!” He stepped towards her and saw the box in her hands as she flinched. “What the devil do you think you are still doing with those horrid vermin?” he demanded.  “Give them to me at once!”

“No Daddy, please!” she begged, putting an arm around the box.  She ran to him hoping she could make him see sense. “Don’t hurt them, they’re only babies!”  

He answered her pleas with a backhand that sent her to the ground.

“When I tell you to do something you had better do it!” he snapped as she cried, one hand over shoebox to keep the lid closed and stop the animals from falling out, the other to her cheek where the ring had cut her.  “Now give me those damn rodents or I will-”

The rest of his sentence was cut off as a fist rammed into his gut with enough force to briefly lift him from the ground, just long enough for a second hand to push his chest with a strength that sent him flying into the trunk of a nearby tree.

Phil paused just long enough to be sure that the billionaire wouldn’t be getting back up again too soon before he turned to Pacifica, trembling despite the warmth.  “Let me see,” he urged her quietly, taking her hand away from the bruised cheek. “Please, sweetheart, let me see.”

“Will it scar?” she asked, the tears streaming and her pitch rising.  “Please, don’t let it scar! If I get a scar I’ll be ugly and if I’m ugly no one will ever love me and I need someone to love me and now I’ll always be alone and-”

“That’s not true, “ said Phil forcibly as he took out the medi-gel and applied a drop to her wound.  “You’re not ugly and you’ll find someone who will love you! There, see? No more blood, you won’t scar, you won’t even bruise, I promise you, sweetheart, I promise you!  You run to your Ma, tell her you’re sorry and you just want to go home, okay?”

“But-” her eyes fell on the box.

“I’ll look after your friends,” said Phil, taking the box from the ground.  “I promise, just go to your Ma and I’ll deal with it, okay? Now run, go!”

Pacifica gave one last glance at the box, then her father who was struggling to his feet and finally at Phil before she ran towards her mother’s voice.

“Do you have any idea who I am?” hissed Preston as he tried to get to his feet, glaring at the tall man who took great care to pick the shoebox from the ground.  “How powerful I am? What I can do to you?”

“Preston Northwest, one of the richest men on the planet with several companies and perfectly willing to pay someone as much money as you feel like to get rid of whatever problem you don’t want around,” Phil answered, checking the occupants of the box weren’t hurt before he marched towards the downed capitalist.  Preston drew his pistol but a metal fist grabbed his hand, forcing him to his knees again as he squeezed, Preston groaning in pain from the pressure.

“And you’re a nobody!” gasped Preston, glaring at the one-eyed man.  

“Better a nobody than a scumbag like you,” countered Phil, making Preston cry out as he crushed more than just his gun and forced him down.  When his back was on the ground, Phil put a leg on the prone man, applying just enough pressure to make his ribs creak. “But I know more than just your name, Northwest,” Phil hissed.  “I know who the true founder of Gravity Falls was. I know the truth about all those deals your ancestors made to make you rich.” Phil leaned forward and felt satisfaction at the panic in the other man’s eyes.  “And if you ever lay another hand on that girl, I will ruin your life,” he promised before he raised his leg, letting the man breath properly again.

Preston coughed and gasped, ready to call his men over and teach the interloper a lesson in respect, only to see him vanish before he could get a word out.  “We’ll be watching, Northwest,” promised a disembodied voice, sending shivers down his spine. “We know the promise your family broke all those years ago.” An invisible hand clapped Preston across the face, sending him to the dirt.  “Every misplaced object, every shadow at the edge of your sight, every second face in the mirror, that will be us reminding you, Northwest,” promised the voice as it started to fade. “So behave. We will be watching…” Then the voice was gone, just like the body it belonged to.  And in the dark of the woods, alone and hurt, Preston Northwest remembered a story his father had once told him, a story of ghosts and curses and a broken promise and for the first time since he was a child he felt truly afraid.

Further in the woods, Phil sighed as the chrono-flage suit flickered again, relieved that it had lasted as long as it had.  He thought back to what he had said, of what he new about the Northwests. Vague promises and threats, just enough to manipulate him.  Hopefully there would be no damage to the timestream, time was more malleable here than in other places after all. If he had caused some damage then he would have to deal with it then.  He glanced down at the shoebox in his hand, opening it to check on the animals inside. “Now what am I going to do with you?” he asked them miserably, wondering how he could keep his promise to protect them when he could barely keep himself in check.

“I’ll take them,” offered Mabel, appearing at his elbow.

Phil jumped with a cry of alarm, slamming the lid shut.  Then, remembering his mission, he grabbed her by the bicep. “Where did you come from?” he demanded, keeping both eyes shut in case she held any more glitter.  

“The trees,” Mabel answered simply.

“How the hell did you get up there?”

“Grappling hook.”

“Grappling hook,” he sighed.  “Should have thought of that and scanned the branches.  Anyway, don’t try and run away again!” he warned her.

“I won’t,” said Mabel.

“You won’t?” repeated Phil, obviously confused.

“Nope.”

“...Why not?” he asked, cracking his eye open just enough to see her.

She was looking at him strangely.  “Because I saw how you were with Pacifica,” she answered.  “I saw you being kind and gentle, even when you found out who she was.  I saw how angry you were when Preston hurt her, the way you helped her rats.  And then I thought back to all the things you’ve done earlier, Mister Pink.” He fully opened his eye, watching her carefully.  “Sure, you trashed Thompson’s van but if someone tried to run me over I’d probably do the same. And then when you grabbed Wendy and me, you asked her to put the axe away before you tazed her and didn’t just your ray gun.”

“It’s a plasma pistol,” Pink corrected automatically.

“And when I took us to this time, you didn’t beat me or anything,” continued Mabel.  “You just wanted to talk to me and didn’t hurt me, even though looking back I think you could have.  Do you remember when I threw glitter in your eye and glued the other one shut?”

Pink glared at her with one still bloodshot eye, the other glued shut.  “Yes,” he said. “I remember that.”

“Well, even though I know that must have hurt (I’ve done it to myself multiple times) you’re still not hurting me,” she said, making them both glance at the hand that held her arm, a firm grip but not tight enough to leave even a bruise.  “I don’t think those posters are right about you, Mister Pink,” she told him. “You wanted to talk and now I’m ready to listen.”

Phil hesitated.  “That’s a pretty big risk you’re taking,” he said, loosening his hold on her.

Mabel was silent for a moment.  “I’ve done some pretty bad things,” she told him.  “I’ve made mistakes and people have been hurt because of me.  I didn’t mean it but it happened anyway. That’s my fault. I like to believe there’s a bit of good in everybody and that means I’ve trusted the wrong people sometimes.  One time there was this grumpy old man that the whole world accused of being a bad guy. But they didn’t see the way he treated us, how kind he was to us even when he was complaining about it.  And he needed someone to trust him. I’ve got a whole lot of regrets but trusting him when no one else did isn’t one of them.” She looked into his eye, the sadness and desperation there reminding her of someone else long ago.  “I don’t think you’re a bad guy,” she told him.

Phil felt the air leave his lungs as he let her go.  “Thank you,” he told her when he could breathe again.  “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

“I might have an idea,” she said with a sad smile.  “I know how important it is to have someone believe in you.”  She took his hand as she led him back to town. “Come on. Let’s go find my friends and then we can go to the Shack.  There are people there who can help you.”

He told her all about it as they walked, about how their final raid on the Cipher Cult had been a success and how he had known about the rumours of their being a spy in TPAES but that he had been hesitant to believe it.  That his codes had been found and then he had been captured, too shocked to even resist, believing it was all a mistake that would be cleared up any minute, but then those minutes had become hours and then days and suddenly he was in prison, called scum by the men and women he had worked with for years, hailed as a hero by some of the monsters he had helped put away.

“The worst part was not being able to see my girl again,” he told her sadly as they reached the town and stopped by a vending machine to buy water and some much appreciated food for Phil.  “She believed me. She and her mother were the only ones who did. The divorce hit me hard and I’d never made many friends but I thought some of them would defend me. But more and more evidence kept appearing against me.”  He finished the last of the chocolate bars with a sigh. “It became clear that there really was someone in TPAES working with the Cipher Cult. Someone still working for them. And if they thought they’d caught them then the real traitor could escape or maybe even start the cult again.”  He leaned his head back on the bench so that Mabel could pour some water from a bottle over his eye and rub at the lids to finally loosen them. “In prison most of the cult honestly thought I was their secret leader and was just trying to trick the guards. Bloody eejits! But then they started revealing some of the other plans they had with me since they thought I already knew about them.”  Pink rubbed at his now free eye and winked rapidly, checking the settings. “Thanks, sweetheart, that’s really helped.”

“No problem,” Mabel said with a shrug.  “It was my fault anyway so sorry about that”

“Hey, don’t apologise,” he told her.  “If I really was a bad guy I’d be in trouble.  It’s good that you can fight clever.” He checked the tablet with both eyes now.  “Looks like your brother and Valentino are physically nearer, think it’s an alley.  We can pick them up before we go get Corduroy.”

Mabel heard the hostility in his voice at the mention of both her older friends and frowned at him, wondering if this was just down to the general distaste that so many old people had for teens or if there was something more to it.  If it was the first, she hoped they wouldn’t be the same to her and Dipper when they got older. She was going to ask if there was a reason when she remembered something. “Hey, when you were fighting Wendy you said you’d done something to Lee and Nate.  What was it?”

“Hit them with the shock-baton and then dragged them to 2013 and tossed their unconscious bodies in a dumpster,” he answered, drinking the last of the water from the bottle Mabel had handed him.  “What?” he asked when he saw the look she was giving him. “Oh come on! They were eejits! They went back to the time of the dinosaurs! Do you know what lives in the time of the dinosaurs? Dinosaurs!  When I arrived they’d just avoided being trampled by some triceratops! Who knows what they’d done to make them that angry. Anyway, they were damn lucky I popped up when I did or else the big beast that tried to eat me would have gone for them and they would have been a much easier snack.  After I rescued them they wouldn’t believe that I was innocent and I couldn’t risk them trying to phone themselves before they went back in time and making a paradox so I had to knock them out and put them somewhere safe.”

“So do you have any idea who the traitor might be?” Mabel asked as they made their way to the alley where Dipper and Robbie would be at sometime.

“I can’t prove anything, obviously, but I have an idea.  I had a Commander, her name was Axel and she would have plenty of opportunities to plant evidence.”  He shook his head. “I just hope I’m wrong. I don’t want to believe she’s capable of helping the Cipher Cults.  The people they’ve murdered, families and children, all just a part in their sick little games and-” he stopped when he noticed the girl was no longer beside him.  

He turned and saw her standing in the street, the hand that wasn’t holding the shoebox clenched in a fist.  “It’s my fault,” she whispered as he approached her. “I made that deal with Bill and he killed people. Because of me a man lost his son.  And that was terrible but at least I thought we’d stopped him from killing anyone else. But now even more people are going to die in the future.  I thought Weirdmageddon was the end but then I found out that people are still suffering, people lost their kids because of me.” She turned her tearful gaze up at him.  “And now there’s going to be even more deaths, more children who will die because of my stupid mistake. All those people are dead and will be dead and Professor Passuum showed me them because I asked and now I keep seeing their faces and-”

“I was twenty-two when I first killed someone,” said Phil, startling her.  “Some petty thug who was threatening to kill a man if he didn’t give her the credits in his safe.  She was going to murder a man over the money he’d earned to support his family and I killed her because I thought if I didn’t then she’d either kill him or me or both and then do the same thing when she needed money again.”  Phil took a seat at the bus stop next to the alley. “That person was a selfish scumbag who hurt innocent people for her own gain,” he said staring into the distance. “And sometimes I’m still haunted by the look in her eyes when I killed her.”

“I…” said Mabel, trying to find the words.

“You can’t say anything to make me feel better, kid,” he told her.  “Anymore than I can do it for you. There’s no one sentence that can stop the flood of guilt.  We’ve both been responsible for people getting hurt. We’ve both taken children from their parents.”

“But-” Mabel hesitated, coming over to join him at the bench as he continued to stare.  “But those were bad people you hurt. You did it to protect others.”

“Tell that to their families,” he sighed.  “Tell that to the parents that lost their child, the spouse who loved them despite what they did, the children who will never have another bedtime story from their parent.  I’ve killed more than fifteen people, Mabel. You haven’t killed anyone.”

“But people died because of me!” she wailed.

“Yes,” he agreed, finally facing her.  “Yes, they did. And that is terrible. And you know what is else is terrible?” he asked her.  “That a creature from another dimension possessed someone you trusted and then manipulated you.  That he killed those people. That he inspired a religion that also killed people. That I have killed some of those people.  That both of us, despite trying to be good people, have struggled with the guilt and pain of these feelings and the knowledge and memories that we are responsible for taking people away from their families.  But you know what is even worse than those terrible feelings? Not feeling them. Because that means that either we are truly terrible people who cannot feel guilt, or that we have reached the lowest point in our lives, where the emptiness takes over.”

Phil looked up at the stars, more now than there were in the future and easier to see away from the constant lighting of the cities.  “My Da was a soldier, Mabel,” he told her. “He was my hero. I never had a Ma, didn’t need one because I had him. He also knew the guilt of being responsible for death.  And he was the kindest, sweetest man I’ve ever met. But he had his demons. He suffered from anxiety and depression. He had everything he needed to make him happy, a decent wage, family, friends, a son who he loved, and despite all that there were days when a deep sadness would cling to him, drain him until there was no happiness or joy left.  The worst weren’t the days he felt sad, Mabel, the worst was those times when he felt nothing. Not even around me. And that tore at him, Mabel, made him feel like he failed me, no matter how many times I told him that I was proud to be his son. That man was my best friend, my hero.”

He wrapped an arm around the still teary-eyed Mabel and pulled her close.  “But you know what, sweetheart?” he asked with a broad grin that confused her.  “I knew that man bloody well and I bet that if he’d known you then you’d be his hero!”

“What?” she asked, wondering how the sad conversation had turned so suddenly.  “Why?”

“Why?” he asked incredulously, staring at her.  “Why? Because you’re Mabel Pines! Just a few minutes ago you were willing to sacrifice yourself to a cyborg you thought was a murderer just to save your friend!  And who helped beat an extra-dimensional demon when they were twelve! You did! Who solved the mystery of the Trembley Presidency when even brainiacs like your brother couldn’t?  Who came up with the idea to use that leaf-blower against those gnomes! Who laughs in the face of danger and tries to bring joy to everyone, even her enemies?” He slid off the bench on to his knee, taking her hands in his and looking into her eyes.  “Who trusted an old man when no one else would, letting him find his brother and prove to the world he wasn’t a bad person?” he asked her quietly. “And who did it again, giving another grumpy old man the chance to clear his name and see his daughter again?”

“But I’ve been selfish!”

Phil gave a snort.  “Who hasn’t? That’s why Da would have loved you, Mabel.  Because he failed and he never forgave himself. But you fail and you try to do better.  And then you fail at trying to do better, just like everyone else! You don’t expect perfection from others, you constantly try to make people happy, hell you tried to make that Gleeful boy happy even when it made you miserable, something Da did all the time.  They say you should never meet your heroes but I bet Da would have loved to meet you! ‘Cause, despite that dangerously high level of sugar in your bloodstream, you’re still human. Just like he was. And if someone who can fight Bill Cipher can still mess things up and try to do better and then fail at that too...well maybe it would have helped remind him that you don’t need to be perfect to be somebody’s hero.”

She gave a sad smile.  “Thank you, Mister Pink.”

“Phil,” he said.  “My friends call me Phil.  And I could really use a friend right now.”

“Okay then, Phil,” she said, her smile becoming a little less sad.  “Thanks. I get what you’re trying to say. Nobody’s perfect and I shouldn’t expect myself to be and just accept these feelings.  Blah blah blah, my shrink says the same. It’s just - it’s hard.”

“And that is why your friends and family will help you whenever they can.  My Da was a soldier and depression was the hardest war of his life,” he told her.  “I won’t say I know what you’re dealing with. But you’ve helped me and I’ll be damned if I won’t at least try to help you.  So once you’ve dried your eyes and settled down we’ll find your brother and friends. Okay?”

“No,” said Mabel with a determination in her voice despite the tears, sliding off the bench.  “We’ll go now. Don’t know when the tears will stop or start again these days and it’s already been too long since you saw your daughter.  C’mon,” she told him as she entered the alley, ”We’ve delayed long enough.“

Phil followed her with a smile.  “My hero’s hero,” he said under his breath and put a hand on her shoulder as he pulled the time tape, Dipper and Robbie appearing in front of them as the night turned to fading day.

“Now let’s go,” Dipper was saying.  “We still need to find Lee and Nate before that Pink guy wakes up.”

“Aye, well,” Phil said awkwardly, a comforting hand on Mabel’s shoulder as the tears still came, “I’m afraid you’re a wee bit late in stopping either.”

 

* * *

 

 

At a different time and place, Preston Northwest glared at the drink in his bandaged hand as he thought back to the events before the party and how they had ruined his mood.  His eyes fell on his daughter, meek and polite like she should be in the presence of high society, the source of much praise from his guests, all admiring her beauty and impressed by her behaviour.  Preston frowned at her, wondering how long her behaviour would last this time before she acted out again.

The occasional emotional outburst was fine inside the house where only her parents and the servants could witness it.  He would even allow it outside where the townspeople could see it since he honestly couldn’t give a damn about their opinions just as long as they knew who he was and who had the true power in town.

He saw movement in the corner of his eye and turned quickly but only saw the guests and servants milling about.  He breathed a sigh of relief and then felt another gust of fear. It had been the guests, hadn’t it? One of them had moved, it must have been them.  But there was that moment before the party, when he had seen his suit laid out for him. In less time that it took to blink, he could have sworn that it was a man in black lying on his bed.  But surely that was just his mind playing tricks, seeing the legs and body of the suit and filling in the gaps.

He downed his drink despite the doctor’s orders and he glanced at his daughter again as he reached for the summoning bell from his table, ringing it for another drink.  He couldn’t risk any more aggression towards her. It wasn’t that he was afraid, the dead were dead and that was it as far as he was concerned. He winced as his fingers throbbed again.  No, it wasn’t out of fear, he was a Northwest and above any threat. It was about how he would appear to high society. If a child need too many backhands to control then that child had more in common with commoners.  A true child of high society wouldn’t need to be disciplined like that. She would need something more subtle.

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw a woman with long black hair in a dress and a wheelchair talking to a small crowd.  He frowned at her as he tried to remember who she was. Was she a plus one? One of those new self-made millionaires?  Maybe she was one of the guests his wife had mentioned adding to the list, the minor celebrities that would coax one of the famous recluses out of their self made exile.  He smirked. That always impressed the others when he could get them to show up.

He was still trying to figure out who she was when he heard parts of what she was saying, a conversation that had mirrored his own thoughts from minutes ago.  He joined the group, listening intently as she continued, both her and Preston dismissing the belittling looks some of the others were giving her. As she rambled on he lost track of some of the finer points of her thesis but the core of it sounded very promising.  

Preston glanced again at his daughter, then at the guests and servants around him.  Then his eyes fell on the summoning bell in his hand. He smiled to himself as he continued to listen, looking forward to when he would talk to the professor alone, perhaps during dinner, and thinking about just what her work could mean for his family.

 

* * *

 

_Author’s Note:  So, this story has ended up taking longer than anticipated.  I had originally planned several stories that involved time travel but realised that, rather than thinking up excuses to have characters repeatedly go back and meet younger versions of people they know, it just made more sense to have all those interactions happen in one story.  That and time travel is a bloody pain and I’ve probably made a dozen plot holes in every chapter and I’m not even done yet, so I figured I might as well get all those scenes out of the way._

_Oh well, hopefully you guys will enjoy the ride enough to ignore the occasional bump.  Then again, even the time travel rules shown in the show itself seem a bit inconsistent so maybe you’ll just shrug off my no doubt many mistakes.  I’ve learned my lesson, no more time travel for a while!_

 


	7. Chapter 7

“Mabel!” cried Dipper in alarm, seeing his crying sister in the presence of a wanted terrorist.  “Let her go or-” the rest of his threat was cut off as his sister ran and wrapped her arms around him.

“Leave us alone you android freak!” yelled Robbie, picking an empty bottle from the ground and throwing it as hard as he could at the criminal.

Phil caught the bottle with ease and in one fluid movement threw it right back at the teen, catching him between the eyes.

“Phil!” snapped Mabel angrily through her tears, confusing her brother as Robbie stumbled.

“He started it!” Phil said defensively.  “And he called me an android!”

“Uh, what’s happening?” asked Dipper, looking between his sister and the cyborg.  “Why aren’t we running from the terrorist?”

“Phil is not a terrorist!” Mabel corrected him firmly, wiping her eyes as Robbie shook his head clear.  “He’s a good guy! He was framed and now we need to help him clear his name, see his daughter and get his old job back!”

“Um, actually, Mabel,” said Phil, raising his hand, “We can’t really do that last one.  They don’t allow criminals in the TPAES.”

“But you’re innocent,” Mabel said with a frown.  

“Well, not entirely.  I did break out of prison,” Phil pointed out.  “Doesn’t matter if the charges were wrong, breaking out is still illegal.  But at least that’s a crime I actually committed so I’m happy to be arrested for that one.”

“But that’s not fair!”

“No, that’s pretty fair,” Phil reasoned.  “Just because I didn’t do one bad thing doesn’t mean they should ignore the bad things I have done.”

“Wait,” said Robbie, rubbing the red spot on his brow, “so you’re not the bad guy?  Then who is?”

“That crazy commander lady who gave us the button,” explained Mabel.  “Axel.”

“Wait, you’ve met her?” Phil asked.  “When?”

Mabel quickly recounted how they had been stopped by the three agents on their way to the Mall and then told her brother and Robbie Phil’s side of the story and how they had met, leaving out some details that she thought Robbie didn’t need to know, such as her conversation with Wendy, Preston Northwest’s treatment of his daughter and the conversation just before they appeared in front of the boys.

“That was a big risk you took, Mabel!” Dipper said with concern in his voice.  “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I once trusted someone when no one else did and that I was willing to do it again,” Mabel answered.

Dipper hesitated.  “Okay, Mabel,” he said after a moment.  “I’m sorry. I trust you, I was just-”

“You were just worried,” Mabel said gently.  “That’s okay. You always look out for me. And I love you for it,” she added with a smile.

Robbie looked between the two and had the impression he was missing something.  “Wait,” he said, holding up his hands. “How do we know this isn’t a double-bluff?” he asked them, pointing to Phil.  “Like, how do we know he isn’t just lying so he can get us all together and kill us all at the same time?”

“Dude, that sounds paranoid even to me,” said Dipper as Phil scowled at the oldest teen.

“Here, I can prove that Axel is the evil one,” Mabel said.  She turned to Phil. “What do you think of Waddles?” she asked him.

“What, your pig?”  He shrugged. “I’m more of a dog man myself but sure, I guess he’s okay.  Whatever floats your boat.”

“See?” said Mabel proudly, turning to the others.  “Phil likes Waddles but when I asked Axel about him she said she hated him!  What more proof do you need?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need more proof than that to trust him,” Robbie scoffed.  “I mean, I don’t like you pig either and I ain’t evil.”

“That’s debatable,” grunted Phil.  “But here how’s this for proof? See this plasma pistol?” he asked drawing the weapon from the future.  He fired at one of the trashbags and they all watched as it disintegrated before their eyes. Then he put it back in its holster before pointing at Mabel, his hand in the shape of a pistol.  “Pew!” he said, mimicking the sound it had made. He pointed Robbie. “Pew!” He pointed at Dipper. “Pew!” He pointed at Robbie. “Pew!” He patted the pistol in its holster. “If I wanted any of you dead,” he told Robbie, “you’d be dead.”

“Why did you shoot me twice?” asked the moody teen.

“Because you’d be atomised after the second so a third would be pointless.”

“What is your problem with me?” he demanded, turning red.

“You tried to mind control your girlfriend when she broke up with you!” Phil barked.  “What, you think you’re the only person to ever have their heart broken?” He stormed towards the gangly teen, towering over him as Dipper and Mabel stepped out of his way at seeing the fury in his eyes.  “The love of my life left me,” he hissed an inch away from Robbie’s face. “I would have done anything for her. But I never once thought about doing what you did.” Phil narrowed his eyes. “Slavery is still slavery, whatever century you’re from.”

Even Mabel struggled to think of a defence to that.  Which made it all the more surprising that Dipper tried it.  “Uh, not to downplay what Robbie tried to do in any way, but Wendy has forgiven him,” he said awkwardly.  “She, er, she wouldn’t be willing to hang out with him otherwise. We had a talk, he gave me some advice and he admitted he was sorry.”  He cleared his throat. “Look, nobody here cares about Wendy more than me but I believe him when he says he regrets what he did. Besides,” he added miserably, “Robbie wasn’t the only one who hurt Wendy that night.  When I showed her what Robbie was doing, I didn’t do it to help her, I did it to help me. I didn’t really care if the mind control had worked on her, I just didn’t want them to be together anymore. Just so she’d spend more time with me.”  He sighed. “I didn’t really care about Wendy that day, I just cared about what I wanted.”

“You weren’t the only jerk that night, Dipper,” Mabel said quietly, putting her hand on his shoulder.  “While you and Robbie were being selfish and hurting Wendy, I was being selfish and hurting Candy, Grenda and Sev’ral Timez.  The band trusted me to protect them and set them free and I just used and hoarded them like they were toys.” She pulled her brother close.  “We’ve both messed up plenty of times and hurt our friends and even each other,” she told him. “But they’ve forgiven us and I’ll always forgive you and you’ll always forgive me.  We’ll always help pick each other up, even when we’ve deserved to be knocked down.” She turned back to Phil who was still glaring at the miserable goth. “Can you take us to Wendy?” she asked him.

“Sure,” he said, taking out his tablet after one final glare at Robbie.  “I’ll locate Corduroy.”

“Hey!” said Mabel as her brother also reacted to the hostility in his voice.  “I can get not liking Robbie but what’s you beef with Wendy? What’s she done?”

“Here’s a list,” said Phil, reaching into his satchel and passing a wanted poster to her.  She turned it over and saw the heading ‘Why I Hate Wendy Corduroy’ at the top, followed by a long list that stretched all the way to the bottom of the poster.

“Why do you have a list like this?” asked Dipper as Mabel scanned the paper.

Phil shrugged.  “Everybody needs a hobby.  Your sister knits, scumbag over there draws manga-”

“Who told you that?” gasped Robbie.

“-Mine is making lists.  It keeps me calm and I needed to do something while I thought about how I’d convince you all I wasn’t a murderer.  Those eejits I saved from the dinosaurs had a pen and wanted posters so I just made a list.”

“Okay then, why would you make a list about why you don’t like Wendy?” asked Dipper, who made so many lists it might as well have been a hobby while his sister blanched at some of the items she read.

“Because I hate her,” he said.  “And I like making lists. I thought we just covered this?”

“But why do you hate her?” Dipper demanded.

“It’s all on the list!”

Dipper sighed and turned to his sister.  “Okay, fine,” he said, reaching for the poster.  “Let me see what-”

“No!” Mabel cried, ramming it in her mouth and chewing until it was pulp.  “That list was not meant for your eyes!” she declared as she swallowed.

“So,” Robbie said slowly after a moment of silence, Dipper glancing between Mabel and Phil, “We going to get her or what?”

Phil raised his tablet and searched for the moment he had last seen his fellow redhead, just before Mabel had pulled the time tape on his belt in what she thought would be a sacrificial move.  “Here we go,” he said, hitting the sound button so the teenagers could see and hear their friend leap at the bright silhouettes and land in the snow. “Now we just need to head to the park, activate the time tapes and - wait.”  He frowned as he saw someone approach her. “Who’s - oh. Oh.” The teens gasped as they saw Axel block Wendy’s attack and deal one of her own. Phil dropped to his haunches and the tablet fell from his fingers as Axel started screaming at Wendy.  “Damn,” he said as Dipper picked up the tablet to see what happened next . “Damn damn damn,” Phil sighed as he leaned back, rolling onto his rear and staring at the sky.

“Phil?”  Mabel asked, resting her hand on his arm as the conversation from the tablet continued.  “You okay?”

“No, sweetheart, I’m not,” he told her.  “I didn’t want to believe it was her. I didn’t want to believe it was anyone.  But there’s my proof.” He closed his eyes. “She’s the traitor. Why else would she be alone?”

“Maybe she came with Lolph or Dundgren and they split up?” suggested Mabel.  “Maybe they wanted to cover as much time as they could and-”

“No,” said Phil, putting his head in his hands.  “The TPAES doesn’t work like that. They wouldn’t risk splitting up or sending a lone officer when it comes to something as important as the Cipher Cult, not even one as skillful as Axel.”  He sighed. “It’s her. It was always her.”

“But what does she want with Wendy?” Dipper asked, watching with growing despair as he saw Axel put a hand on Wendy’s shoulder and activate her time tape.

“No idea,” grunted Phil, getting to his feet.  “But, whatever it is, it can’t be good. For any of us.”

 

* * *

 

“So what do you need me to do?” Wendy asked Commander Axel as she led her down one of the alleys of the town.

“Pink’s cybernetics make him strong and durable so I might need your help to fight him,” Axel explained as she reached into a dumpster and pulled out a large case.  “You’re tougher than you look since one hit with a shock-baton is enough to knock most grown men out cold,” she said, opening the case to reveal an assortment of equipment, some of them clearly weapons.    “And when you swung that axe at me there was speed and strength behind it.”

“Yeah, I’ve three brothers,” Wendy explained.  “They’re pretty strong but I always beat them. Gotta learn to fight smart when they gang up on you, you know?”

“You’re fighting style’s a bit outdated compared to anything in the future but you’ve got some potential and a punch is still a punch,” Axel continued, ignoring her as she pulled out several devices and considered them one by one.  “You can’t beat him but you can at least be useful to me. Here, try these on,” she said, passing her a pair of gloves.

They looked like blue rubber gloves but were thick as leather and she could hear a faint electrical hum when she put them near her ear.  “Those are displacer gloves,” Axel told her. "I’d tell explain the science to you but I’m not patient enough. Also, I checked your grades and I’m pretty sure your an idiot.”

Wendy gave her a look but said nothing, not even correcting her about the recent improvements in her grades.  She put the gloves on and flexed her fingers, feeling the material tighten around her palm and digits. She did a quick jab and felt an electrical tingle across her skin as a small shockwave issues from her knuckles, denting a trashcan and sending it flying as the mortar on the wall behind it trembled, loose flecks and dust falling free.  “Huh,” said Wendy, peering at the gloves. “Cool.”

Axel clipped her hard over the head.  “Stop being a stupid idiot, you stupid idiot!” she snapped as Wendy glared at her and rubbed the sore spot.  “Here, stay still so I can put this on you,” she said, roughly grabbing Wendy’s arm and attaching a metal arm to her fleshy one with several straps.

“Uh, what’s this?” Wendy asked the older woman, struggling under the weight of the metal limbs as another arm and then legs were added.

“Exosuit,” grunted Axel, attaching the legs and arms to the sockets on the backpiece, finally sending power through the limbs before she started tightening the straps that went under her arms and over her shoulders.  “Those gloves will let you hit Pink hard enough for him to feel it but that’s hardly going to help if you break your bones after the first punch. That’s a thick skull he’s got and this will give you the support you need to keep hitting him.  On the bright side, he’s so used to protecting what little flesh he has, he’s out of practise defending his head or that metal chest of his.” She fixed the buckle across Wendy’s chest and stepped back to make sure everything was correct.

Wendy took her axe from its sheath and looked at her reflection on the blade.  “I look like a poor man’s Ellen Ripley,” she said. She frowned. “A _really_ poor man.  This thing doesn’t cover any of my vitals!  What do I do if he throws a punch?”

“Duck,” Axel suggested.  “He’s still taller than you so bend your knees and throw in an uppercut while you’re at it.  Make yourself useful for once.”

Wendy glared at her but didn’t retort, the guilt of what Pink could be doing to Mabel gnawing at her.  Neither did she say thanks when Axel handed her a new axe, though she was pleasantly surprised that the woman had a futuristic version of her favourite weapon.  It was larger and longer than her own, too heavy for some of her more nimble grapples or maneuvers but she had seen how her standard weapon held up against Pink and knew this one would fare much better.  She took a few practise swing to test its weight, reach and balance. The exosuit and new weapon took a little getting used to but an axe was still an axe and she knew how to hack and slash with it in one hand and grapple and punch with the other at the same time.  Besides, if it became too difficult for her to use properly she could always just throw it and use her fists and legs as a last resort.

“And finally we have this,” Axel was saying, pulling out a strange helmet with goggles and headset.  “Take off your hat and put this on.”

“What is it?” Wendy asked, removing her cap and awkwardly tucking it into the back of her belt where it would receive the most protection from the exosuit.

Axel rolled her eyes.  “You’re too stupid to understand so just clamp it over that empty head of yours and shut up.”

“Oh come on, lady!” Wendy snapped.  “I get it, I messed up! But I just want to know what it is so I can - what are you doing?” Wendy drew her arm back as Axel tucked the helmet into her armpit and started unfastening the straps on Wendy’s arm.

“I’m taking the damn thing off,” Axel barked, trying to grab the teen’s arm.  “We’ve got one chance to stop Pink and if you can’t even put a damn suit on without questioning me then I can’t trust you in the field.  Stay still so I can take that off!”

“What?” Wendy took a step back, dodging the older woman’s surprisingly slow swipes.  “But - but you said I could help rescue Mabel!”

“Clearly I was wrong.”  Axel sighed. “You won’t listen to me, you question everything I say, I can’t trust you to help rescue the kid, I’ll have to risk facing Pink on my own.”  She looked away. “Who knows what he’s done to that poor girl while we’ve been arguing,” she said, chilling Wendy’s blood. “You proved I couldn’t trust you to keep her safe and now I can’t even trust you to help save her.  I’m wasting my time with you and now the girl’s suffering just because you’re-”

“No!”  Wendy took the helmet from her, ramming it on her head.  “Look! I’m sorry, you’re right, I did fail her! But I can help get her back, I don’t care what happens to me, I don’t care if I get hurt, I just need...to…”

Axel considered her, standing there, her mouth agape.  Then she leaned over and buckled the chinstrap, adjusting it so the helmet wouldn’t fall off.  “Corduroy?” she asked as a trail of drool escaped the teen’s mouth.

“Yeah?” Wendy asked distractedly.

“Remember the girl you were with?  Mabel?”

Wendy gave the smallest of nods.

“Do you care about that girl?”

Wendy nodded again.  “I love her,” Wendy said.  “She’s like a little sister.”

“Right, well, I’ve got bad news.  She’s dead.” Axel watched carefully as the information slowly made its way through the fog of Wendy’s brain.  The redhead didn’t react for several moments but then Axel saw her chest rise and fall faster as she took it in, biting her lower lip.  “How does that make you feel?”

“Sad,” said Wendy as two tiny streams trickled out of the goggles.

“And what if I told you she was murdered?  How would that make you feel?”

The breathing changed from short and rapid to long and heavy as her fists clenched.  “Angry,” Wendy said as her cheeks flushed.

“Angry enough to kill?”

“Yes,” Wendy hissed through gritted teeth.

“Okay then,” Axel said.  “Let’s not waste anyone else’s time then, huh?”

 

* * *

 

“So what do we do now?” Dipper asked, handing over the tablet and the chronometer he had taken when the cyborg was unconscious.  “How do we find Wendy?”

“I don’t know,” Phil said, putting the tablet away and returning the other device to his wrist.  “Regroup? I left those two morons in an alley near here. It was actually the same day I found all of you, just earlier.  We might as well go back, wake them up and then decide what we want to do.”

“Wait,” said Dipper.  “I’ve been wondering about this but why is it still so easy for us to keep traveling through time if that temporal storm is there?  You said it almost killed you before, why haven’t we been affected?”

“Couple of reasons,” Phil said.  “That first jump I made to get here was from thousands of years in the future.  It’s much easier to take a single step in a hurricane than walk a mile in it. Honestly, I only survived due to a mixture of luck and my time-tanium since that’s resistant to the flow of time.  Later, my tablet also picked up that there were some times earlier in that day where I could safely jump to but that scan ran while I was unconscious, which was plenty more time than Lolph and Dundgren had.  Besides, they’d frozen time so they couldn’t do that and scan at the same time. I bet your friends activated that time beacon and Axel rigged it so only she would be alerted and that’s how she made it here safely.  As for why you guys have been travelling through time without any ill-effects, that’s because you were lucky enough to be in a lull in the temporal storm when you travelled. If you had been a few minutes later or earlier then the trip could have killed you in any number of ways.  I’ve experienced that temporal storm and know what can happen so every one of you dodged a nasty bullet. Finally, we’ve been travelling backwards in time and the temporal storm was made when Cipher took out Time Baby which hasn’t happened yet, hence no temporal storm. If any of you had tried going into the future then I doubt you’d be able to talk.”

“So if the time police have machines that can scan for time travel safe zones,” Mabel said thoughtfully, “why not just send someone here and try to scan for them?  Then they can, I don’t know, send a time-message in a time-bottle for future time-people to read, let them know what points in time are safe in case they ever need to go to Gravity Falls again.”

“Smart plan,” Phil agreed.  “We’ve thought about doing that sort of thing but it’s difficult.  The storm was seen as being too risky to travel through so it would be a one-way trip until it passes.  Which we reckon might be another decade from your time.”

“Can’t you just check your records or send probes out to see which dates were safe to travel from?” asked Dipper.

“Sadly, no.  It won’t work like that.  Without Time Baby, we no longer have infinite resources and the Cipher Cult and the re-introduction of democracy has stretched us a bit thin.  We can’t afford to just send things out to see when it’s safe again. Anyway, most of the world’s records were lost when Time Baby took over. Tabula rasa.  But, because we now had access to time travel it meant that we could uncover the truth about historical and scientific mysteries. We’ve seen how life first appeared on Earth.  We have videos of the speeches great leaders made during revolutions. We know that Ben Franklin was a woman. History is less speculative when you can go back in time and actually see what happened for yourself.  To you, the whole Weirdmageddon thing happened last year. For us, it was both thousands of years ago and only three years ago since Time Baby vanished. We’d never even heard of Gravity Falls before then, the only person we knew about was McGucket since his inventions helped lead to some major scientific breakthroughs.  Well, him and your sister since she abolished the electoral college.”

“What a crazy afternoon that was!” commented Mabel.  Her eyes narrowed. “Stupid unicorns.”

“After Time Baby’s defeat we took an interest in the area,” Phil continued, everyone ignoring Robbie’s confused stares.  “We did some research and looked back into your lives. You two were especially interesting. Two kids who beat Globnar and helped destroy Cipher all in one summer.  It’s no wonder you became celebrities.”

“We’re celebrities?” Dipper asked in surprise.

“Oh yeah,” Phil said seriously.  “My girl admires you in particular, kid.  All the things you’ve done for your sister, using your bravery and smarts to beat so many foes, she’s got her own pine tree hat and likes to think about how you would handle any situation, gives her something to aspire to.”

“Aw, you’re finally popular with the ladies!” Mabel joked, elbowing her brother as he turned red.

“Mabel!  That’s not what he said!”

“No, she’s right,” Phil said.  “You’re pretty popular. You’re smart, brave and kind.  Lots of boys and girls want to find someone like that in the future.  Of course, Mary - my daughter - she’s too old for you and I doubt it would work even if she wasn’t but if she brought home a boy like you I think I’d be very happy for her.”

Dipper blushed and cleared his throat, never having someone say anything like that to him before.  “So, uh, so does that mean you know our future?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah, how many kids does Soos have?” Mabel asked.  “How many handsome boy bands declare their undying love to me before a royal prince falls for me at first sight when I sweep him off his perfect feet?”

“No idea and wouldn’t tell you even if I did,” Phil grunted.  “We put a block on finding anything about your lives after Weirdmageddon.  We know tidbits from the last year but any more would mean more chances for the Cipher Cult to get to you or your descendants if they couldn’t reach any of you.  It was for your protection, we didn’t want them suddenly popping up at your weddings or at the hospitals where your kids were born if they somehow managed to get their hands on a time tape.  I don’t know your futures and I want to keep it that way.”

“But why hasn’t Axel tried to kill us yet?”  Dipper asked. “She’s in TPAES. She has access to time tape and she managed to sneak away on her own and has laser guns.  What’s her goal?”

“I don’t know,” Phil admitted.  “She knows killing you won’t bring Cipher back.  She can’t go back in time and change Weirdmageddon, you guys are famous and TPAES would be over her in a second if she tried it since the storm doesn’t interfere with travelling to time before that.  Axel’s smart and has enough experience with the flow of time to know that the Cipher Cult’s plans don’t make sense. So why is she doing this if she knows it won’t work?” Phil sighed. “We’re missing something.  Something important. Maybe there’s some other goal or a special method but if there is then I just can’t see it.” He shook his head. “Forget it. If I can get to that beacon I can fix it so TPAES can show up, give them the video of Axel on that tablet and clear my name.  Then it can be sorted by people who are paid to do the thinking. We’ve avoided any paradoxes so far so we’re doing better than I thought at least. That could have been disastrous.”

“Uh,” Mabel said hesitantly, raising her hand.  “So about these paradoxes. How bad is disastrous?  Exactly?”

“Mabel!” Dipper snapped as Phil groaned.  “What did you do?”

“Me?  I didn’t do anything!”  She prodded his chest with an accusing finger.  “It was you! Causing trouble with Wendy! I thought you’d learned your lesson from last year.”

“Wait, what?” asked Phil, Dipper and Robbie together.

“You messed up Wendy’s timeline,” she told her brother, scowling.  “Back when you tried to cheer up younger Wendy! When I asked our Wendy about it she said she now had two memories about why she changed clothes and started wearing that stupid hat!”

“S’not stupid,” Dipper muttered petulantly.

“Oh come on!” Phil cried, throwing his hands in the air.  “I thought you’d be the last person to mess with time! You’re meant to be the smart one!”

“I saw her alone and crying in the woods!” Dipper said.  “What would you have done?”

Phil opened his mouth to say that he would have ignored her and continued his mission.  Then he remembered another little girl, alone in the woods asking for help with tears in her eyes.  He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, kid,” he said. “Just tell me what happened. And then you tell me what happened with Corduroy,” he said to Mabel.

They quickly explained what they had witnessed, Dipper revealing he thought nothing would happen since he knew the Wendy of the future would start to dress like that around that time in her life.  Mabel recounted the story of the different memories of how Wendy received her hat and the pain it had caused her.

“Crap,” said Phil after it ended.  “Bloody rotten crap with dead flies as sprinkles.”

“Ew!” said Mabel.  “I’m hungry, stop it!”

“Sorry.”  Phil looked at the sky, thinking hard.  “Okay,” he said eventually. “Sounds like you’ve made two timelines.  They’ll have to wrestle for dominance eventually. That will cause problems.  That’s the bad news. The good news is that time in Gravity Falls is more...I’m trying to think of a way to describe it…”

“Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff?” suggested Dipper.

They all stared at him.  Even Mabel.

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” demanded Phil.  “What the hell does that even mean?”

“It - was a reference!” Dipper stuttered.  “From-”

“That was a stupid reference that will never catch on!” Phil snapped.  “Whoever said that knows nothing about time travel! No! Time travel in Gravity Falls is more malleable!  Stretchy! Things that could cause ruin in other places will barley cause a bump here!” He sighed. “Look, you messed up, I won’t lie.  But it could have been a lot worse and you’re kind of lucky it happened here of all places. I think that we won’t feel the effects of this little screw-up for another year at least.  Maybe two. And it won’t result in the destruction of the galaxy like it normally would.”

Dipper sighed in relief.

“Probably just the destruction of the town and everyone in it.”

Dipper gasped in horror.

“Maybe the state.”

“Why don’t we go get Lee and Nate!” Mabel said loudly as Dipper clutched at his chest.  “Then we fix that time beacon, clear your name, rescue Wendy, go shopping! Yay!”

“Hmm? Oh, sure.  Here,” he said, passing a time tape to Mabel.  “Hold this. Now hold your brother. Traveling with more than two people at once doesn’t always go well.  More likely to cause fires. The rats will be fine, they’re too small to make a difference,” he added when Mabel glanced at the shoebox.  “I’m going to pull this and that will send you to roughly the same time I left those eejits. They’re in the dumpster across the street. Wake them up and explain to them that I’m not the bad guy.  Got that?”

“Got it!” said Mabel, rubbing her brother’s back as he tried to control his breathing.

Phil grinned at her and let the cord go, sending them back to the morning of the day they had met.

Leaving him alone in an alley with Robbie.

Robbie swallowed nervously as the large man stood up straighter.  He could practically taste the anger coming off him in waves. “So, uh, glad to hear you’re not a murderer,” he said.

“I’ve killed before and I’d do it again if I had to,” Pink answered.

“Oh.”  Robbie glanced at the future pistol and taser on the man’s belt.  “Good thing we’re both on the same side then, huh? Hehe…” He trailed off as the man turned to him, suspicion and rage in his eyes.

“What advice did you give him?” Pink demanded, walking forward.

“What?” He tried to step back from the cyborg but Pink moved faster and suddenly a hand was around the teen’s throat and he was lifted into the air, slammed against the wall with enough force to take the air out of his lungs.

“Dipper said you gave him advice when you were alone,” Phil snarled.  “What advice? What did you say to him?”

Robbie gasped and struggled in the grip but the fingers never budged.  “He was feeling down with girl troubles!” Robbie barely managed to say.  “Having trouble moving on! I told him I knew what that was like and that he should-”

“What? What did you say?”  Pink lowered his arm so his eyes were closer to the teen.  “Did you tell him to try it your way? Mind control? Enslavement?  Huh?”

“No!” Robbie gasped.  “That he shouldn’t be worried about it!  He wasn’t like me, he wasn’t trying to trick her and that he was better than me!”

Robbie slid to the ground as Pink released him, taking deep gulps of air while the cyborg pulled out his scanner wand and waved it at him.  “Scanner says your telling the truth,” he said grudgingly.

“That’s because I am!”  Robbie got unsteadily to his feet.  “I meant what I said - I’m sorry for what I did to Wendy!”  He rubbed at his neck and glared at the man. “Why do you care?  You hate Wendy!”

Pink put his hand on Robbie’s chest and pushed him up against the wall hard enough to leave bruises on his back.  “What, you think just because someone’s a piece of crap then it’s okay to do bad things to them? Huh? Listen to me you little punk,” he hissed.  “I know exactly the type of man you are - I’ve seen it all across time. Creeps who care only about themselves and think that means they can treat others however they want!  I know what you tried to do. I know you threatened to beat up a twelve-year old just because he happened to like your girlfriend!”

“I wasn’t really going to-” Robbie said before the hand pushed him into the wall harder.

“Shut up!  That’s not even the worst you’ve done, not even close!  I saw that little smirk you had before you tried your back alley subliminal messaging crap on her!  You knew exactly what you were doing, you just didn’t give a damn! And then, when you think you’ve got her under your power, what do you do?”  Phil leaned closer, Robbie turning even paler at the hate in his eyes. “You take her to somewhere where you can be all alone with her.”

Robbie felt himself flush at what the man was implying, anger rising in him despite the pressure on his ribs.  “I didn’t - I would never - I didn’t even know-”

The rest of his words were cut off as Pink drew his arm back and Robbie slid to the ground again with a grunt.

Pink leaned in closer to the teen as he struggled to his feet.  “I’m a cop. Despite my crimes. Which means I can’t really do anything to stop you, Valentino.  But I’m also a parent. And if you ever try anything like that on the poor girl you’re dating, I will make sure the whole town knows exactly the kind of man you are.”

Fear drowned out the anger.  The pain in his ribs was overpowered by the pain in his chest at the thought of life without Tambry.  “Please,” he pleaded on his knees in the muck of the street, tears building in his eyes. “Please, don’t tell her parents!  They’ll never let me see her again! I can’t bare that! She’s everything to me. I’d rather go to future-jail! Just - just not that!”  He reached his hands out to him but they were slapped away.

Pink reached down and grabbed the mewling teen by the hoodie as he activated the time tape.  “Be quiet,” he snarled. “I’m not here for you. As soon as I’ve stopped Axel and found Corduroy I’m going to leave and never come back.  Unless you give me a reason to.”

Robbie couldn’t say anything more, couldn’t even gather the strength to tell him the truth, knowing he wouldn’t be believed, only Tambry had believed him and now he could lose her just because of one stupid, selfish mistake he had made last summer.  

Robbie wiped the tears from his eyes just as a figure stepped round the corner and slashed at Pink, the cyborg dragging Robbie out of the blades path as it sliced clean through the dumpster beside them.  Just as Pink threw Robbie further down the alley and away from them, the other person slammed a fist into Pink’s chest with enough force to send him flying backwards into the street, connecting hard with a fire hydrant.  

Robbie stared at the redhead, recognising her straight away even with her strange power armour and alien helmet.

“You killed Mabel,” he heard her say as she tightened her grip on her glowing red axe and bared her teeth.  “I’m gonna kill you.”

 

* * *

 

_Author’s note: There’s a freeze-frame bonus during The Last Mabelcorn that mentions abolishing the electoral college as one of Mabel’s good deeds.  I found that hilarious. While you could argue that it’s hard to believe a child could get rid of that confusing system in one afternoon, I would counter that argument with two points: 1) it’s Gravity Falls and 2) it’s Mabel.  Again my AU, my rules._

 


	8. Chapter 8

Officer Gloria Mendez breathed the last puff of smoke out of her window and tossed the cigarette stub out after it with a satisfied smile.  She wasn’t technically allowed to smoke in the patrol car but the morning was just a little too chilly right now to stand outside. Besides, she had recently discovered that she could just explain the smell as the remnants of her Extra Smoky, Smoky Bacon flavoured chips and that would satisfy Blubs and Durland.  Just as long as she didn’t do it too often, she reasoned she could get away with it. Sometimes it paid to be the only intelligent member of the police force.

She leaned her seat back and settled in, taking a blanket and tucking it in nicely.  She loved the mornings in Gravity Falls. The days were weird and the nights could be outright hallucinogenic but the mornings were peaceful.  It was the quiet time, when the bizarreness of the night was fading and the strangeness of the day hadn’t quite woken up yet and you could be forgiven in thinking this was just a normal town.  Unless any of the residents were around, then they would quickly remind you how unnatural the town was.

She yawned and stretched under her blanket.  Thankfully, there were no townspeople out yet to disturb her.  Wouldn’t be for another few hours. She closed her eyes. Plenty of time for a hard working officer of the law to get some much deserved sleep while the norm lasted.

Then an invisible man slammed into her car, rolling away just in time to avoid the laser axe that cut into the door.

“What the hell!?” she yelled, backing away from the red blade as a tall figure in silver briefly appeared at her window, vanishing again as the blade was removed from the door.  Then he was back again, Mendez blinking up at him in confusion before he tried to grab the blade, his silvery form fading in and out as he struggled to take it from the figure who was weilding it.  Even through her surprise and fear, she recognised the tall frame, green shirt and red hair that was barely visible under the strange helmet.

“Corduroy?” She barely had time to utter the name before the teen released one hand from the axe handle to reach out and grab the man behind the neck and slam his head against the hood with enough force to leave a massive dent.  “My car!” Mendez screamed as the silvery spectre vanished again, Wendy stepping backwards as if something had struck her and Mendez heard a clunking as if something heavy were rolling over her car, even seeing another few dents appearing but not what caused them.

Mendez tried to open her door but found that much more difficult than it was before the blade had struck it.  “Corduroy!” she yelled at the teen who was looking up and down the street. “You put that thing down and help me out of this or I’ll throw you in jail, make you clean the whole prison with your underwear and then make you walk home in that underwear!  Corduroy!” She struggled with the door again before giving up and turning to the one opposite until she saw the apparition reappear through the window, this time holding a wand that sparkled with lightning in answer to the redhead’s magical fire axe.

“You!” Mendez yelled at the silver ghost with the hot face and kissably muscular arms.  “Put down the sparkler or I’ll get my priest to say a prayer over my gun before I start shooting!”  Then the world turned as Wendy reached under the car and flipped it at her opponent, sending the vehicle tumbling to where Phil stood.  He blocked it with his metal arm but didn’t even have time to check on the now unconscious woman inside before Wendy vaulted over the car and he had to use the shock-baton against the side of the blade to stop her from removing his remaining arm.

“You killed Mabel!” she screamed, stepping backwards and almost removing his toes with another strike.  “I’m going to kill you!”

“How many times do I have to tell you I haven’t, you eejit!” he yelled back.  “She’s here! Somewhere!”

“She can’t hear you,” came the voice of Commander Axel from the headpiece, barely heard over Wendy’s roar and the clangs of shock-baton meeting laser axe.  “She only hears whatever I tell her and only sees the man who murdered her friend.”

“Damn it, Axel!” Phil snapped as he closed the distance and grabbed the girl, not giving her the room to swing her weapon at him.  “You’re a coward! Fight me yourself!”

A fist connected with more force than even a Corduroy should have been capable of and his helmet went flying as he lost his grip on her, instinct from years of intense training making him push her away so he had time to shake his head clear as she got back to her feet.

“I’d love to, Phil, really,” Axel said through the helmet.  “I think I’d enjoy it. But I can’t risk myself yet. So I settled for a stand-in.”  Wendy raised her axe above her head. “Don’t worry - I’ll tell your daughter you did it all for her,” Axel added as Wendy charged.

 

* * *

 

“And that’s everything that happened to us while you were unconscious,” Mabel finished brightly as Lee and Nate rubbed their necks.  Phil hadn’t put much thought into how comfortable they’d be in the dumpster and they were stiff and sore in several places, not to mention sticky and covered in substances that made the twins stay upwind of them.

“Oh man, so he was telling the truth?” Nate said, peeling what was once a banana from his elbow.  “I’d almost feel bad for spitting on him if he hadn’t electrocuted us and then thrown us in the trash.”

“He just did that to protect you,” Mabel explained.  “He didn’t want you messing up the timeline and causing trouble so he had to make sure you were out of the way.  He was actually helping you. He’s a nice guy!”

“Then why’d he call us a pair of pathetic losers who’d never amount to anything?”

“He also called us eejits,” Lee added.  “A lot. Whatever those are. Think it’s a future insult?”

“Okay, maybe he isn’t always nice to people he doesn’t like,” Mabel conceded as Dipper rubbed his eyes.  “But his heart’s in the right place. Look, he might say mean things but I don’t think he’d hurt anyone!”

“Guys!  Come quick!  That Pink dude’s fighting Wendy!”

“Dang it!” cried Mabel as they rushed to the sound of Robbie’s shout.  “Okay, he really doesn’t like Wendy but overall he’s not too bad!”

Robbie waved at them and led them towards the town square, clutching his chest painfully as he ran, stopping at the corner of one of the buildings and beckoning the others to join him in relative safety of the position as they stared at the carnage.

A fire hydrant had been torn up from the ground, the water soaking part of the street near where a patrol car lay on its side, a large dent on the front and slash on the door.  There were several other deep gashes in the street and buildings and a bench had been cleaved straight in half as if a giant claw had scratched into them. Following the destruction led to the obvious cause.  Wendy was wearing a metal support skeleton and wielding an axe with a glowing red blade several times larger than her normal weapon, slashing and hacking rapidly. Phil, meanwhile, was on the defensive, his helmet knocked away, his shock-baton drawn to counter some of Wendy’s swings, constantly retreating and side-stepping to avoid the blade, flickering in and out of existence as the chrono-flage suit struggled to function properly and give him the chance to hide or retreat.

“Oh my God,” Dipper said in terrified awe.  “What is she doing?”

“No idea,” grunted Robbie, clutching his ribs.  “She just came out of nowhere with that super axe and took a swing at me and Pink.  Said he’d killed Mabel and when we tried to tell her she was fine she just ignored us and kept swinging!”

“Well seeing is believing,” said Mabel, passing the shoebox to Dipper and running forward to reveal herself to her friend, too quick for her brother to stop her.

She sprinted to the fighting pair, calling out as she did so.  “Wendy! It’s me! I’m okay! Phil’s not the bad guy!” She reached them just as Phil managed to step into a missed swipe and jabbed Wendy with the shock-baton, forcing her to recoil slightly.  “Stop fighting!” she cried, stepping between them. “Phil didn’t hurt me-”

Wendy swung her axe at her, almost faster than she could see, the snarl from her mouth more animalistic than anything she’d ever heard from her friend.  Mabel felt a hand grab her arm and throw her aside with enough force to bruise her badly.

“Mabel!”  Dipper reached her as she winced, clutching her arm and staring at the two figures.

“Stay out of the way, kid!” Phil warned, jumping backwards from another swipe.  The rescue had cost him. He had used his shock-baton to deflect the blow that would have beheaded Mabel but it had failed against a direct slash, the blade slicing through it and then reaching the cyborg’s side as he stepped forward to throw the girl to safety.  “She’s not herself!” he yelled as red seeped through his suit. “Axel’s done something to her!”

“Isn’t this what you wanted, Pink?” came Axel’s voice from the redheaded teen’s helmet.  “How many times did you complain about Wendy Corduroy?” Wendy took another swing, the axe leaving another deep wound on the ground.  Phil tried to grab it but a gloved hand struck at him, sending him recoiling. “Now’s your chance to finally teach her a lesson.”

Phil hissed and shook his throbbing human arm as he took several steps back.  “Why’d you do it, Becky?” he asked, a tiredness in his voice. “Just answer me that.”

“Believe it or not, Phil, it wasn’t personal,” came the matter-of-fact reply.  “You were just the easiest to blame. You were angry and the divorce meant you had motive so-”

“I don’t mean that,” he sighed.  “Why’d you join the cult? You were a cop.  They’ve killed people, Becky. They burned down that hospital.  They’ve killed children. Wee babies. There’s nothing in the world worth that price.”

“Oh Phil,” sighed the helmet as Wendy charged and knocked them both to the ground.  

“That’s your problem.  No imagination.” They rolled and grappled, unable to find a hold that would stop the other for long.  “No wonder Rachel left you.” Phil grunted as a mechanically supported arm hit his wounded side. “Wonder if her new boyfriend’s got some brains behind him?  Can’t be worse than you. How miserable did you make her? Think she’ll have Mary change her name? Think about how ashamed they must be to have even known you-”

“SHUT THE HELL UP!”  He twisted and pulled her arm, swinging her over his shoulder and slamming her into the ground hard, feeling satisfaction at the cry of pain it earned him.  

“Wendy!” Mabel yelled, Dipper trying to go to her but held back by Robbie clutching at his shirt.

Phil winced, his satisfaction overthrown by guilt as he realised he’d just hurt another of Axel’s victims and not the woman herself.  Then the boot of the exosuit connected with his head, reminding him how dangerous this victim was.

“Oh man,” said Robbie as he saw watched them trade a few more blows.  “I can’t believe this! Either Wendy’s gonna kill him or get killed!”

“Can’t believe there’s someone out there who can actually hold their own against a super-axe-crazy Wendy!” said Nate.

“Phil’s from the future,” Mabel said, pulling her hair as she watched her old young friend try to kill her new old friend.  “He knows special techniques and can kill people in a dozen different ways.”

“What did you say?” Dipper said, turning to her sharply.

“Uh, I mean, I’m sure Wendy will be fine ‘cause she’s got that suit and-” Mabel quickly tried to say.

“No, Mabel, you said Phil knew how to kill people,” Dipper said, turning back to the fighting figures, his expression changing from concern to concentration.  “Why send Wendy against someone like that? She’s awesome but Phil’s got years of more advanced training, he’s bigger and stronger even without his metal arms and legs.  Why send her in a fight that’s so one-sided?”

“Doesn’t look one-sided to me,” Robbie grunted.  “It’s like Mabel said, Wendy’s got that axe and suit.”   As if to prove his point, the cyborg failed to dodge a kick that caught him hard between the legs and a voice declared: “Kick deflected!  Thank you for buying Digi-cod: the smart codpiece!”

“But that’s what’s odd,” Dipper said, thinking hard.  “That exosuit obviously makes her strong and fast but why not add some armour?”

“I don’t think she needs it,” Mabel said in a worried whisper as she watched the fight, both starting to slow, Phil from his wound, Wendy from the exertion of constantly missing and swinging a weapon she wasn’t used to.  “Phil hit her a few times with his shock-baton and she’s still fighting but before Phil said two hits would be enough even for Wendy. Maybe Axel gave her something to resist it?”

“Yeah, I don’t get what you mean, dude,” Lee said, looking at Robbie and Nate but only receiving shrugs.

“The axe is good but why not give her a laser rifle instead?” Dipper continued, more to himself than the others.  “Then she could attack him at range. Heck, Axel could shoot him with one herself so why go out of the way to give Wendy a close-range combat weapon and a suit that gives her strength but no armour?  And why constantly taunt him? She’s getting personal, making him mad. It’s almost like-” Dipper gasped and grabbed Mabel, pulling her close. “She wants Phil to kill Wendy!” he told his sister in a panicked voice, his eyes wide with the horror of his realisation.  “They’ll think he really was after the zodiac! If he does kill Wendy then Axel will have an excuse to kill him and then she can cover it up! She can return to the future and start the cult again or just find an easier way to kill us! That’s why she’s taunting him, she’s - _urk_!” Dipper choked as an invisible hand gripped him by the neck and saw the same thing happen to his sister as the shoebox fell to the ground.

“Well aren’t you a clever boy?” Axel said as she appeared next to them, lifting them off the ground.  Robbie, Lee and Nate reacted with momentary shock before they charged at the woman holding the distressed twins by their throats.  Axel shot her leg into Lee’s chest then swept it to meet the side of Nate’s head before bringing it back in front of her, stepping forwards and using the momentum to bring her helmet against Robbie’s nose with a sickening crunch, incapacitating all three boys in moments.  “Idiots,” she said, turning away from them to approach her target. “Hey, Phil!” she called to the male of the fighting redheads. “Look what I’ve got!” She smirked as Phil’s eyes widened at seeing the siblings in her grasp, hesitating just long enough for a metal foot to connect with his chest and send him flying into the statue of Nathaniel Northwest.

Phil got to his feet and ducked just as the laser axe sliced through the statue’s ankle and became imbedded in the metal rock that the false founder was using to strike a heroic pose.  Wendy tried to pry the weapon free, sawing through the statue just long enough for Phil to take his plasma pistol from its holster and fire at the axe just as it worked its way through the rest of the statue base, destroying the weapon and stepping out of the way as effigy slid off its base.

“Let them go, Axel!” he yelled, swapping his weapon between Wendy and Axel, relieved to see his fellow redhead still had enough sense left to not approach him with the pistol drawn.  

Axel scoffed.  “We both know you won’t fire at me while I’ve got these two in front of me,” she said, shaking the twins slightly.  “There’s only two ways you can save them, Phil. Let her kill you and I’ll let them go. Or just kill her already and I’ll still kill you and let them go.”  She shrugged. “Honestly, either’s fine but I just thought I’d be nice and give you the chance to take Corduroy down with you. For old times’ sake.”

“Don’t do it, Phil!” Dipper yelled.

“Yeah, we can take her!” Mabel said before Axel tightened her grip and cut off their oxygen.

“Oh please,” Axel said with a roll of her eyes as they started to turn blue.  “What do you two children think you can do?”

“You’d be surprised,” Mabel managed to gasp, reaching into her pocket for glitter and throwing it into the woman’s eyes.  Axel screamed but didn’t release them, tightening her grip and pulling them closer.

Mabel drew her grappling hook and fired it point blank at the woman’s forehead, the force enough to stagger her as Dipper grabbed the grapel and wrapped the cord around her throat, pulling hard to cut off the woman’s oxygen, his sister grabbing the other side and pulling even harder.

Axel grunted and turned red but just tightened her grip and lifted them higher into the air in response, her strength surpassing the teens who already were already struggling to breathe in her grasp.  They glanced at each other in panic, barely staying conscious and feeling their strength fade the woman glared at them with barely opened bloodshot eyes.

Then they heard the plasma pistol fire and saw the flash of pain in Axel’s eyes before she dropped them to scream and clutch at where her foot used to be.

Phil didn’t even have time to breath a sigh of relief at seeing the twins free from her grasp before his weapon was knocked from his hands as Wendy Corduroy lifted the fallen statue by the severed legs and used it as a bludgeon.

She hit him with it again and again, his organs throbbing from the vibrations of each blow.  He caught the effigy with his cybernetic hand as her attacks started to slow from the exhaustion of the battle, not having the endless energy that his cybernetics gave him.  He pulled it out of her grasp and lifted it to use against her but she tackled him to the ground.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” She screamed, punching his skull until he caught her wrists.  But her exosuit-enhanced arm overpowered his organic limb just as easily as his time-tanium one overpowered her other and she wrapped her fingers around his throat.

Phil gargled and punched at her face as he held her other arm at bay.  But she refused to relent, even when her lip burst and the purple and red replaced the white on her skin.

Then an arm wrapped around her throat, failing to hold her back until four more pairs joined in and pulled her just enough for her fingers to loosen and let air returned to his lungs.

“Come on, Wendy!” Robbie pleaded with her through his broken nose, his arm around her neck as Dipper pulled at her back.  “You’re a Corduroy! Fight it!”

“I don’t think it’s working!” grunted Nate, pulling at her arm as she snarled, Lee struggling with the other.

“Helmet!” Phil gasped, rubbing his neck.

Mabel stopped pushing at her friend’s chest and desperately unbuckled the helmet, pulling it off and gazing pleadingly into her green eyes.

For a moment nothing happened, removing the helmet only revealing the rage and hate in her eyes.  Then her struggles lessened, a weary confusion flashing on her face before she focused on the worried girl in front of her.

“Mabel?” she asked quietly, as if she didn’t dare say it too loud in case the noise would chase her away.  Then a metal skull slammed against her head and knocked her unconscious.

“Wendy!” cried the boys in alarm.

“Phil!” barked Mabel, glaring at the cyborg.  “The mind control helmet was off! She was back to normal!  Why did you do that?”

He blinked at her in surprise.  “The helmet was controlling her?  I just wanted it off so I could knock her out.  Huh.” He considered the prone teenager, her friends gathered around her and trying to wake her up.  “Still, that was pretty satisfying,” he said with a grin. The grin vanished as he saw the look Mabel was giving him and cleared his throat.  “Well, better not to risk it anyway, huh?” he suggested. Then he realised that there was someone missing. “Wait! Where’s Axel?”

“Think it’s more a case of ‘when’ is Axel,” Mabel sighed as she attempted to help him get to his feet.  She pointed to the place Axel had been, where only the grappling hook now lay. “Used her time tape when you shot her.”  She walked over and collected her signature tool from the ground. “Do you think she’s gone?”

“If you mean dead, then hopefully yes,” he answered, rubbing his throat and failing to notice the disapproving look she gave him as she picked up the shoebox.  “With any luck she got caught in the time storm and we’ve seen the last of her.” He sighed. “Either way, we’ve done all we can. She can’t return to the future and get a new leg without raising questions so I think she’s done with the TPAES.”  He walked over and joined the boys, removing the displacer gloves and working at the straps for the exosuit.

“Don’t you have any of that future medicine left?” asked Dipper, his eyes focused on the bruised and cut face of his friend.

“I’ll give it to her later,” Phil grunted, wincing from his own wounds.  “Don’t know what that helmet did to her and I don’t want to heal her just to have her attack me again.  Let’s just grab everything we can find that came from the future then walk to where that van will hit me.  I’ll take the suit off her while you lot do that. Come here, all of you. I’ll give you some medi-gel to help with the scrapes.  When we get to the right spot we can jump to just after when Axel will visit your friends. While you explain it to them, I’ll tinker with the time beacon and then I go home and you kids live out your lives.  Get to it, I don’t want any random townsfolk finding a piece of my shock-baton. I’m in enough trouble as it is.”

They did as he said, collecting each piece of equipment they could find and returning it to him, the plasma pistol returning to its holster while the rest were placed in his satchel.  When they were done they walked quickly to avoid any questions about the damage around them.

“Don’t know how we’re going to explain this,” Dipper muttered as they marched back to where the van will be, Phil taking the lead with the unconscious Wendy over his cybernetic shoulder, the exosuit disassembled and barely held in his satchel.  “That’s a lot of damage Wendy did, even if she was under mind control. It’s lucky it’s so early or else people might have gotten hurt. Other than Officer Mendez, I mean.”

“She’ll be fine,” Mabel shrugged.  Phil had given the Mabel a drop of medi-gel and she had slid into the open window of the police car (after Phil had flipped it right-side up again) and had added it to the ugly bruise on her head.  “Phil said she’ll probably feel better now than she has in years. He even said that this little lady might live to be the oldest rat in history!” she added, beaming at the shoebox.

“Still need to get a home for them,” Dipper said to her.  “Remember, Mom said no more pets and we can’t just ask Soos and Melody to watch them for us all year.”  He considered the teen boys in front of him, each uncharacteristically silent from the tiresome events of the day and their own thoughts.

“I’ve got a better idea,” said Mabel with a broad grin.

After a small detour, they had arrived at their destination, Mabel passing over the box and briefly summarising the events of their adventure.  “So, basically this poor little thing and her poor little things need a place to stay, and I thought they needed someone kind and compassionate and eager to help others and-”

“I’ll do it!” declared Gideon Gleeful, taking the box from her, the tired frustration of having being woken so early disappearing when he had seen who had come to his door.  “I’ll love them like they were my own! Like they were our own!” He glanced inside the box to smile at the rodents, missing the twitch that crossed Mabel’s face at that last sentence.  “Well aren’t you pretty little things! I’ll take good care of you, make you truly glad to be part of the family! Why, honestly, Mabel, it is so sweet that you would think of me at this time, and to trust me with these little fellas, that is so amazing, you’re like a rainbow in the desert!  And so beautiful…” he breathed, losing himself in her eyes, a faint smile on his lips.

“Yep!” She declared, even louder than usual.  “I’m great! In fact, I’m so amazing that I need to go help other people right now!  So bye!” She gave him a very friendly pat on the shoulder and walked away, the boy waving at the bedraggled group from his doorway until they were out of sight.

“Man,” said Dipper, shaking his head.  “I really hope he calms down when he gets older.”  His eyes fell on the back of Wendy’s head, still unconscious over Phil’s shoulder.  “I wasn’t that creepy, was I? With Wendy, I mean? I know I had my moments but-”

“You weren’t creepy,” his sister said.  “You were awkward and shy and sometimes even stupid but love does that to you.  I’ve done it way more than you, over guys I barely even knew just because I thought they were hot.  You liked Wendy because she’s Wendy, she’s a good friend whatever Phil’s list says. She was willing to fight to the death over me, so you know she’d do the same for you.  You are special to her Dipper. Even if it isn’t the way you want, you still see that and don’t try to get her to be different or guilt her or any of the things that Gideon or Robbie or even I’ve done to our crushes.  She’s very lucky to have you as friend. And she knows it. But she’s not as lucky as me. ‘Cause I’ve got you as a friend and a brother. And who needs crushes when I’ve got that?”

Dipper looked at her, surprised.  “Did - did something happen?” he asked, wondering where this was coming from.

Mabel shook her head and smiled.  “Honestly, Dipper,” she said. “You really need to learn

to just take a compliment.”

 

* * *

 

Officer Mendez woke with a start and fell with a loud thud and cry of pain as her head hit the ground hard.  She looked blinkingly up at the men who had opened the door she was leaning against without bothering to wake her up first.

“You okay, Officer Mendez?” asked Deputy Durland, helping her to her feet.

“Did you see what happened?” asked Sheriff Blubs, handing the officer her hat.

“What?” she asked, wiping at her hat and putting it on.  Then she saw the damage to Main Street and the town square, tears on the ground, a fire hydrant sliced in half and sending water everywhere, the statue destroyed.  “Holy crap!” she said, looking around. “What the hell happened?”

“Language,” Sheriff Blubs scolded gently as Durland put his hands over his ears.  “And we were hoping you could tell us.”

“My car!” screamed Mendez, forgetting about the rest of the street as she saw the dent on the front and the slash on the side.  Then she recalled the vanishing man in grey with the juicy arms and the redhead with the metal skeleton attached to her arms and legs, a glowing red axe in her hand.  “What was that, some kind of ghost?” she muttered to herself, thinking hard.

Deputy Durland gave an almighty shriek and ran for the police station.  “Oh no! They’re gonna come through our TVs and possess our toys and trees!  Run for it!”

“Durland!  Buddy!” Blubs called after him. “Come back!” He sighed.  “Shoulda never let him stay up and watch television after nine.  I spoil him too much.” He looked at his colleague. “Listen, I’ve gotta deal with him, stop him from burning all the clown dolls he can find and asking Dan to chop down all the trees again.  It alright if I leave this with you?”

“Huh?  Oh, sure, boss,” said Mendez as Blubs went after the deputy.  She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, thinking hard. She rubbed at her head where she had landed but apart from that she felt no injury.  In fact, she felt really good. Better than she had in years. She inhaled the smoke as she thought but shook her head to remove that distraction from her mind.  Probably just remaining adrenaline from Corduroy’s fight with the ghost. She was sure that was Corduroy she had seen. Now all she had to do was find her, get her to explain what happened before too long passed and the townsfolk became too angry to settle for just an apology.  She got into her car, struggling with the door as she finished her cigarette. Going to the house was the best option but she’d been hesitant to go there after the incident at the school, knowing only too well what it was like to be a trouble-making teen and having the added stress of an angry parent.  Better to confront her straight on, give her a chance to explain herself before they brought it to her father. She tossed the cigarette stub out the now permanently open window. If she was fighting ghosts she probably wouldn’t be at work. Which left those trouble-making friends of hers. She sighed as she started the engine.  Wendy Corduroy and her friends would be the death of her yet.

 

* * *

 

“I’m so glad you’re safe,” Wendy said, squeezing Mabel tightly.  “All she did was say you were dead and I believed her. Her lying about it didn’t seem possible.  Even when I saw you, I just dismissed it, like it couldn’t be real and wasn’t even worth acknowledging and-”

“It’s okay,” said Mabel, patting her pack.  “She’s gone now. Back to the future. Or whenever.  I’m safe, you’re safe, we’re all safe. That’s all that matters.”

Wendy let her go and wiped a rare tear from her eye.  She turned to Phil and smiled at him. “Thank you,” she said earnestly.  “I don’t know what I would’ve done if she was hurt.”

Phil raised his head from the time beacon just long enough to give her a glare before he returned to the object.

“Uh, hey, dude, my bad for attacking you,” Wendy said, caught off-guard by the venom in his look and misjudging reading the reason for it.  “It’s just, I thought you’d hurt Mabel and Axel kept telling me you had to die and-”

“It’s fine, Wendy,” Mabel said, taking her hand.  “Phil’s just...got a lot on his mind. But he’ll be happy when he sees his family again, won’t you Phil?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “I will.”

They had walked in near silence to the spot where the van would later crash into the cyborg and start their adventure.  There, Phil had finally given some of the medi-gel to Wendy and checked his tablet to find a safe time for them to jump to, deciding on a minute after Axel had left Tambry and Thompson.  They had arrived in a flash of light and Thompson and Tambry, seeing their battered friends in the presence of a wanted time terrorist, had rushed at Phil with a screwdriver and tire iron.  He disarmed them quickly and easily, not even leaving a bruise and collected the time beacon to make it work as it was originally intended to, allowing Mabel, Dipper and the others to explain to Tambry, Thompson and a still recovering Wendy everything that had happened.

“Done,” declared Phil pressing the red button and dropping to his knees, his hands over the back of his head.  “Step back, kids, don’t want to spook them when they get here.”

They arrived less than a second later, Lolph and Dundgren, plasma rifles at the ready and eyes peeled, appearing just a few metres to the side, immediately spotting Phil on his knees and focusing their weapons on him.

“Don’t shoot!” yelled Mabel, rushing forward and thrusting the tablet at them, showing them the clip with Axel and Wendy, and another moment Phil had found, where she had appeared in front of Tambry and Thompson alone, no other TPAES operative to be found.  She quickly explained as much as she could as quickly as she could, the others barely able to get in a word of support.

“We’d need a team to double check but this doesn’t look like it’s been doctored to me,” Lolph admitted to his partner as he flicked between the clips.

“And Axel has been gone for a while now,” Dundgren said slowly, still aiming at Phil’s chest.  “But this would explain a lot if it’s true. She has been acting erratic recently. And we did have the occasional problem with the Cipher Cult even after Pink was arrested.”

“We’ll have to check all this but it looks like you might be innocent after all, Pink,” Lolph grunted, approaching Phil, who looked as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders.

“Yes!” cried Mabel, pumping her fist a Dipper and Wendy high-fived, Tambry and Thompson also looking relieved while Robbie, Lee and Nate looked less-so.  “Now you can see your daughter! You’re a free man and - wait. What are you doing?” she asked as Phil held his arms out and slid his hands into a metallic sphere that Lolph held out to him.

“Phillip Pink, you are under arrest for crimes that include breaking out of the Infinetentiary, breaking into the TPAES Headquarters, stealing equipment, time travelling without permission and disorderly chronoduct,” Lolph said as the metal enclosed around Phil’s hands.  “Anything you say can and already has been used against you in future court.”

“What?” screamed Mabel in disbelief as Phil nodded and followed Lolph towards the portal, Dundgren still training his rifle on the captive.  “But he was innocent and had to do all that to prove it! You can’t do this to him! What about his daughter?”

“It’s fine, Mabel,” Phil promised with a sad smile as the other teens looked just as troubled as Mabel.  “I knew this was going to happen. I’m a cop, I can’t be above the law.” He shrugged. “At least Mary will know her Da’s been put away for something he actually did.  That might not seem like much to you but that’s important to me.”

Mabel faltered, looking between the men and couldn’t understand how all of them could seem so at ease with something that felt so wrong.

Pink smiled and waved goodbye at her but stopped suddenly.  “Uh, before we go,” he said to the operatives, “Do you mind if I get something for my daughter?  It will only take a minute and it won’t affect the timeline,” he added hurriedly as he saw the looks on their faces.  Dundgren rolled his eyes and nodded.  “Great, thank you,” Phil said earnestly, hurrying over to Dipper.  “Mister Pines,” he said formally, clearing his throat. “Sir. Can I get your autograph?”

“My what?” asked Dipper, confused by the reverence in his voice and the request itself.

“Your autograph,” Phil repeated.  “For my daughter. I, er, I said you were her hero?  Well that wasn’t a lie. And she just turned eighteen but I missed that since I was in prison.  And it looks like I’m going to miss a few more birthdays. So I just thought, since you’re here, maybe I could give her something a little special?  Please,” he added, the desperation in his eyes seeping into his voice.

Dipper looked at his sister and then at Wendy, not sure what to make of the situation.  But their faces gave him no help for once. He took a deep breath and pulled out a notebook and pen, chewing the end thoughtfully as he struggled to think of something to write before he finally put it down and showed it to Phil.

 

_Dear Mary,_

 

_Hi there!  This is Dipper Pines!  I’ve never done this before and think I’ve put too much thought into it but I hope you aren’t too disappointed.  Anyway, your Dad said I’m your hero. I don’t think I’m heroic enough to be called a hero but your Dad seemed pretty sure.   I know it might be some time before you see him again but he did what he did because he didn’t want people to be hurt. He saved me and my friends and, most importantly, he saved my sister.  And he loves you. So please don’t be mad at him for what he’s done. He did a brave thing and you should be proud of him. If I’ve learned anything from Grunkle Stan it’s that heroes aren’t always good guys!_

 

_Have a good future!_

 

 ~~_Ma_ ~~ _Dipper Pines_

 

“I kinda rambled,” Dipper said, turning red as he offered the note for Phil to review.  “It’s not very good but-”

“It’s perfect,” Phil promised.  “Okay,” he said turning to Lolph and Dundgren after an embarrassed Dipper tore the note from the book and put it in his breast pocket.  “I’m good. Thanks, this is going to make her so happy and-”

“WAIT ONE COTTON CANDY PICKING MINUTE!” screamed Mabel, the forest wincing from her volume.  “Are you kidding me? You think I’m going to be happy to just let you go back to jail? After THAT!?”

“Mabel, sweetheart, there’s nothing you can do,” said Phil, looking at the other two men.  “I have to go back, give evidence, face my trial, receive at least some form of punishment, hopefully say goodbye to my girl-”

“Oh there is no ‘hopefully’,” said Mabel, her eyes narrowing dangerously.  “You’re going to see her again and you’re not going back to jail, not after everything you’ve been through.  I’m making sure of that, even if I have to come with you.”

“What?” cried Dipper and Wendy as the other teens looked at each other.

Dundgren gave a snort of disbelief as Lolph rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, right. Like we’re just going to let some kid from the twenty-first century come to the future to argue in defence of a criminal.”

Mabel walked up to them both and looked Lolph straight in the eyes.  “Either you two are taking me or I swear I will live to a grand old age, be loved and adored by everyone who will ever meet me and then I will make sure I leave a note in my will to tell your mother how disappointed I was that you didn’t help Gam Gam help a man who only wanted to see his baby girl.”

“Not disappointment!” gasped Lolph in terror, taking a step back from the thirteen-year old.  “That’s every child’s nightmare! You wouldn’t do that!”

“That man just told my insecure, almost fourteen-year old brother that there is a probably hot eighteen-year old out there who thinks he’s hero,” Mabel hissed.  “Do you have any idea what that’s probably done for his self-esteem? I owe him big time!”

“Don’t say it like that!” snapped Phil as the other teens stared at a scarlet Dipper with a mixture of approval, envy, admiration and (in the case of the girls) uncomfortable frowns.  “It’s admiration she feels! Nothing romantic!”

“Nevertheless,” continued Dundgren, ignoring his partner’s panicked look, “we can’t just take anyone from the past and-”

“I’ll get his Mom to talk to your Mom,” Mabel threatened.

“But considering all you’ve done in stopping Bill Cipher, we can make an exception on this occasion,” Dundgren said hurriedly, grabbing her by the shoulder and activating the time tape at his belt and sending them through time, Lolph quickly grabbing Phil and doing the same.

Leaving her brother and friends to stare at the empty spot where Mabel Pines had been.

 

* * *

 

_Author’s note: I have no idea if smoky bacon is even a flavour across the pond.  Then again, Gravity Falls’ most popular soft drink has a peach pit inside it and those can be poisonous so I don’t think it’d raise too many eyebrows.  And just in case you don’t have them, they do not smell like cigarette smoke. But I imagine the name is enough for Blubs and Durland to make the wrong connection, no matter how many times they’d eat a packet themselves._

_As for the Statue of Nathaniel Northwest, Bill did destroy it in Weirdmageddon but it then appears later when the town is restored.  I’ve read one or two fan fics where it remained destroyed and would be replaced with a new statue and I was going to do the same but then came up with the idea of Wendy using it as a bludgeon and figured that’s a decent way to destroy it.  I wonder what Preston would think?_

 


	9. Chapter 9

The teens stared at the space where Mabel Pines and the time travellers had stood, several of them exchanging worried glances and looked at the lost-looking brother.

“Uh, did that just happen?” asked Tambry, too alarmed to even make a status update.

“Maybe they’ll be back in five seconds?” suggested Thompson.  

The group counted to themselves.

“Oh crap,” Thompson said, ten seconds later.

“Dipper?” Wendy asked the now lone twin with a growing sense of dread.  “She’s coming back, right? Dipper?”

Dipper stared into space, frozen in place, barely able to breathe.  “She’s gone,” he said, turning to face them and pointing at the spot.  “They took my sister.”

“Oh my God,” said Robbie, looking around in alarm.  “Maybe they just got delayed in the time storm?”

“They took my sister,” Dipper repeated, failing to notice the comforting hand a similarly concerned Wendy put on his shoulder.  “They took her and now she’s gone! Wha-what do we do?” he asked the older teens, looking at them desperately and seeing only fear and concern in their eyes.  “How do we find them? What do I tell my Grunkles? My parents?” His shoulders dropped. “What do I do without her?” he asked Wendy, his friend unable to give him an answer.

Then there was a flash and two familiar figures appeared, the short one leaping at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and swinging him as she lifted him.  “Dipper!” Mabel sang joyfully. “I’ve missed you so much! It’s been a lonely year without you!” She let him go and compared their heights. “You haven’t grown at all!  Guess you really are the little brother now, huh?” she asked him with a nudge and a wink.

“ _Year_?” squeaked Dipper in alarm, seeing that she was now clearly taller than him.

“She’s pulling your leg, kid,” said Phil with a small smile, the chrono-flage suit replaced with simple jeans, shirt, jacket, gloves and boots and a normal looking duffel bag over his shoulder.  “We were in the future for less than a day. We actually came back to an earlier point in time and were delayed because your sister requested we grab something while we were there. Least I could do after all she’s done for me.  Sorry for the delay, the time storm makes exact jumps difficult, even in safe zones.”

“Oh poo,” said Mabel with a pout, dropping from her tiptoes.  “I wanted to see how long it would take him to realise.”

“Don’t do that to me, Mabel!” Dipper wailed.  “I thought I’d lost you!”

“Can’t get rid of me that easily, broseph,” his sister grinned.  “But you’re right, it was a silly joke,” she said, seeing the hurt and anger on his face.  “But honestly, I didn’t know, I thought I’d just appear at the exact same second we left. And I’ve got something that I think might make up for it,” she added, snapping her fingers at Phil who rolled his eyes and drew an item from the duffel bag.

“This,” said Mabel, passing a large item wrapped in several glitter coated newspapers and string to Wendy, “is a gift from my brother.  I mean, yeah, technically I’m giving it to you but really it’s from him. He put in all the effort so just think of me as the delivery girl.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow at the girl, then at Dipper who just shrugged.  Giving a shrug of her own, Wendy tore at the paper. Her eyes widened and a broad grin spread over her face as she squeezed the stuffed creature of indeterminate species, the bizarre purple fusion of panda and duck squeaking in response.  “Oh my God, I love it!”

“All thanks go to Dipper,” Mabel reminded her.  “I talked Phil into taking me back to the fair and winning it.  Dipper went through a lot of different timelines to get that thing but gave it all up for me and Waddles.”

“I was hesitant at first, but it was worth it to record all those alternate timelines where the ball bounced back and smacked her eye!” Phil grinned before he turned to Dipper, a puzzled looked on his face.  “Got to ask you, though. When you tried to avoid hitting her, why didn’t you just ask her to duck behind the barrier? Then she’d have been safe. Dipper? Pines?”

Lee Leaned forward and waved his hand in front of the boy’s face and got no reaction save from a twitch of the eye.  “Dude, I think you broke him,” he whispered.

“Who cares how many times I got hit with a ball in alternate realities!” Wendy said, grinning and slapping his back, knocking him out of his trance.  “This is my new favourite thing ever! Thanks, dude,” she told him sincerely as she squeezed the prize again. “This is worth a hundred hits to the face.”

“Oh it might actually have been a hundred hits!” Phil grinned.  “There were so many alternate realities! My favourite timeline was when the net burst and all of the balls hit her!  All of them! And most hit her face! It was hilarious!” He laughed hard, falling to his knees and clutching his side as he took out his tablet and pressed a button, pointing at the screen and laughing even harder as they heard the sound of several impacts and Wendy giving a cry of pain.  “That is the greatest alternate reality ever!”

“What the hell, man?” Wendy muttered as Phil rewatched the clip again.  “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Here’s a li-”

“No list!” Snapped Mabel, snatching the paper from his hand and stuffing it in the duffel bag.  “What did I say? What did you promise?”

“Not to show that list in a place where Dipper might see it,” grunted Phil, avoiding her gaze.

“And what did you just try to do?”

“Show the list in a place Dipper could see it,” sighed Phil, crossing his arms and glaring at Wendy.  “Sorry,” he added, looking at a perplexed Dipper.

“Shouldn’t you be apologising to Wendy and not me?” the boy asked.

“You’re a brave kid and you’ve made my life bearable again by hurting Corduroy so often but don’t push it,” Phil said.

“Yeah, we can’t expect any miracles, Dipper,” Mabel agreed.  “Best we can hope is for him to hate Wendy in relative silence.”

“But shouldn’t you two be united?” said Dipper.  “I mean, you’re both on the good guy team. You’re both redheads, you’re Irish, she’s probably Irish, you can both kick butt, I’m sure you can be friends if you tried?”

“Who cares if she’s ginger?  It’s just a hair colour!” Phil shook his head.  “And as for being Irish…” He approached the other redhead, their eyes narrowing as they considered each other.  Phil leaned forward and his nostrils flared, finally causing Wendy to take a disgusted step back. “No,” he said after a moment’s consideration.  “Scottish. Maybe a touch of Dutch.”

“What is the deal with people sniffing me this summer?” Wendy muttered as the Irishman returned to Mabel.

“How can you tell someone’s lineage through smell,” Dipper muttered.  “That makes no scientific sense.”

“So what happened in the future?” asked Robbie.  “I guess Mabel talked them out of sending you to jail?”

“Mabel talked them in and out of a lot of things,” Phil said.  “Your sister is very persuasive.”

“And annoying!” added Mabel brightly.  “I managed to convince slash guilt slash threaten them into not sending him back to the Infinetentiary.”

“She is now banned from using time travel ever again,” Phil said.  “Ever. They were very adamant about that.”

“So you’re off the hook?” Dipper asked, surprised that even Mabel could accomplish such a thing.

“Not exactly,” sighed Phil.  “They couldn’t just let me go, I had to be punished in some way.  There was also the problem of the warring timeline that you created.  I’ve been tasked to deal with that when the divergence occurs. There’s also the threat of Axel, she’s disappeared but we can’t risk assuming she won’t be back to cause trouble again.  Then there’s the problem with the Cipher Cult. We can’t say for certain that Axel was the only leader or even what her real goal was since she knew killing all of you wouldn’t bring Cipher back.  And of course, we have the temporal storm. That can cause some serious issues. There could be temporal hotspots where animals could age rapidly, evolve into new species in seconds, maybe make an unstable portal to another time, the list goes on.”

“Which means that Phil is going to be here for a while,” Mabel said sadly.  “TPAES needed someone to stick around, scan for lulls in the time storm, monitor Gravity Falls for any anomalies and watch out for threats from the past or future and then report the information back to them.  Phil already had all the training so I told them that he’d be the best choice and it could replace prison as his punishment. He could be their sentry until the time storm passes and then they’d have someone with training available at all times in Gravity Falls.  That’s why we went back to last summer, so Phil could make a drop off point for all the info he’ll gather. He can send reports and they’ll send him more equipment or updates from the future if needed. Kinda like a mailbox from now to the future! Which is fitting since it’s disguised as a mailbox.  Kinda like that all-knowing one you found, Dipper. But I won’t destroy this one,” Mabel hastily said to Phil. “Next time I make a gummy worm video, I’ll email it home!”

“But what about your daughter?” Thompson asked him.

“I got to say goodbye,” Phil shrugged, trying to smile as he patted Mabel on the shoulder.  “It’s more than I would have had without Mabel’s help and ten years here is less time than I would have spent in prison.  And we can send each other letters via the drop-off. Not perfect but better than I could have hoped for. So, yeah, now I’m kind of stuck here.  Hence the time-appropriate clothes. Tablet can fit in fine in this decade and everything else I need is in this bag. If I need replacement I’ll just request them.  Overall, I doubt I’ll stand out too much here.”

“But what about your metal arm and legs?” said Nate.  “That’s kinda weird, even for Gravity Falls.”

“He got an upgrade!” Mabel declared as she lifted his trouser leg, revealing a normal, slightly pale leg.  “Got a skin graft kinda thing! No metal visible anywhere! Even has freckles!”

“Made by the same company that made my chronometer, time tapes, weapons and the rest of my cybernetics,” explained Phil.  “Mabel even managed to get through to their CEO and she was willing to let me try it as long as I send a few reports to the company and let them know if there are any issues.  Think they’re just using me as a prototype but I’m willing to - are you feeling my leg?”

“So smooth and muscly,” breathed Mabel, her eyes wide as she ran her hands over the fake skin.

Phil shook her off with noise of disgust and quickly pulled the trouser leg down, much to Mabel’s disappointment.  “Here,” he said, passing a small box to her. “Keep your hands off me and go fix the van, pick a colour or something.”

“Wait, what?” asked Thompson.  “What about my van?”

“That company also gave us some nanobot thingies!” Mabel explained.  “Said we should use them to repair the damage from the fight and wouldn’t cost us a thing as long as Phil filled out the paperwork.  She said this one would fix your van and even change the colour! Now, which would look better, rainbow, glitter explosion or kaleidoscope?” she muttered, approaching the damaged vehicle.

“Oh man!” said Thompson, conflicted by the news.  “Can’t we just fix it and leave the colour?” he asked as he rushed to the van.

“Better help your mate,” Phil said to Dipper.  “Think he’ll need all the help he can get to hold your sister back.”

Dipper laughed as he went to help Thompson  “He’ll need more help than just me but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Think that would make a pretty good video,” Phil said, as if to himself.  “Van repairing itself and changing colour. Wonder how many hits that would get?”

Tambry’s eyes lit up and she made her way to the van, Robbie moving to follow her until Phil shot his arm out, blocking him.  “You don’t want them to hear what I’m going to say to you,” he said, looking at the remaining teens.

Nate, Lee and Wendy shared several looks, each having enough experience with angry adults to know when they were in trouble, and they had seen this coming every time the man from the future had looked at them.  The only thing that surprised them was the way Robbie looked at the ground and took a step back to join them, uncharacteristically subdued.

There was silence for a few seconds, the teens experienced enough to know that this was an attempt to raise the tension as the silence lasted.  Unfortunately, it was working. The man before them was an unknown and this raised the stakes slightly. He was large, not as big or muscular as Manly Dan but still taller than most men they had seen, even the older Pines Twins and the bikers who liked to visit the Skull Fracture, making him more than enough to appear intimidating to the boys at least.  He had held his own against a dinosaur and even a mind-controlled Wendy armed with weapons from the future, no small feat. He was also a cop, even if technically an ex-cop, and a competent one at that, a concept they were still struggling with even after almost a year with Mendez. He had also saved most of their lives and, more importantly, the twins’ lives.  Which meant he held a degree of authority and they knew this would not go well.

“Those kids are really amazing,” he said finally, his back to them as he watched the group at the van.  “In the future, they’re heroes. They’ve done some amazing things. Things that would be considered incredible even for adults to accomplish.  Some people, my daughter included, aspire to be more like them. And through it all they’ve always been there for each other. Mabel helped me see my daughter again and Dipper is my daughter’s hero.  That makes them important to me.”

“They’re important to us too,” Wendy said automatically.

“Then why did you abandon them?”  He turned to face them, his eyes flashing with disgust and rage.  “You had the wanted posters, you knew the crimes I was accused of, if I was half the monster they accuse me of being then those children would be dead and it would all be your fault,” he said, keeping his voice low to avoid attracting the attention of the group at the van.

“Look, dude,” Lee said hesitantly, “We’re sorry, alright?  But you weren’t the bad guy and now you won’t even go to jail so it all worked out in the end, okay?”

“You think that excuses what you did?” he hissed, towering over even the tallest teen.  “What else do you do, do you let a child play with a gun and then congratulate yourselves on a job well done when you find out it wasn’t loaded?  Just because they didn’t get hurt doesn’t mean you didn’t screw up! What, you decided playing dinosaurs was more important than the lives of two children?  Is that it?”

“Hey man, it wasn’t like that!” protested Nate.  

“You two are the dumbest pair of reckless twits I’ve ever seen, and I’ve looked through history!  What the hell did you think would happen, that the dinosaurs would play with you like in some cartoon?  Grow up! Everything’s a game to you isn’t it, doesn’t matter who gets hurt? Look at all those pranks you two loved to play on McGucket!  ‘ _Oh look, there’s that old man the whole town laughs at and who’s ignored by his own son!  You know what would be hilarious? Vandalising the home he had to build for himself in the dump and spraypainting insults about him all over town!  Aren’t we hilarious?’_  Bet you felt great about tormenting someone who just needed help, huh?”

“It - it wasn’t like that,” Nate said weakly as Lee looked away.

“It was exactly like that,” growled Phil.  “Grow the hell up! You want people to notice you?  They shouldn’t. You’re not even worth the paperwork it would take to lock you up.”

“Hey man,” said Robbie, “That’s not cool, yeah, sure, maybe McGucket didn’t deserve that but the whole town did it-”

“Like I’d listen to anything you’d have to say,” Phil sneered at the gothic teen.  “What do you even care? You only care about yourself!”

“Hey, I care about Tambry!”

“Then why did you leave her with a man you thought was a murderer?” Phil demanded.

“I - I just wanted to go back and stop myself from making my mistakes,” Robbie said defensively.  “It’s not like you think! I was going to go back and get myself to notice her sooner! I make her happy and she makes me happy!  And - and that way I would have stopped myself from hurting Wendy!”

“Wait, really?” asked Wendy.  “Robbie, that’s - that’s actually really sweet of you.”

“Maybe you should just own up to you mistakes instead of trying to delete them!” said Phil, ignoring her.  “I thought you might have changed into being a better boyfriend, not that that would be hard, but I was wrong.”  He pointed at the van. “See that kid over there, the one you lot love to make fun of and tease, even though he’s the only one in town capable of putting up with all of you?  Guess what? When I woke up the first thing he did was make sure your girlfriend was safe! He could have just driven away but he made sure she was in the van first! He showed more concern for your girlfriend than you did!”

“Wait, Thompson did that?”

“I’ve seen Dipper join in when you tease your so-called friend, just to feel accepted, because that kid thinks he needs your approval!” He snapped.  “Half of Dipper Pines is worth more than all of you put together! That kid is my daughter’s hero and you want to drag him down to your level? You’re a bunch of pathetic losers that no one else in town could put up with so you had to stick together or you’d end up alone with no one to distract you from seeing what miserable scumbags you really are!  You want to know the real reason you love to make fun of Thompson? It’s because, deep down, you all know he’s the best of you, that he’s the only thing keeping you together! You know he’s the only person who’s desperate enough to put up with the all of you at once and you have to torment him because it’s the only way you add meaning to your pathetic lives!”

“Look, dude,” said Wendy, tired of the constant insults, “you don’t know us, alright?  Yeah, we make fun of Thompson but that’s just what we do. If anyone else tried any of the crap we do with him then we’d make them regret it.  Maybe you don’t like it but that’s just what we do. It’s how our friendship works.”

“What the hell would any of you know about being friends?” he asked them quietly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” demanded Wendy.

“Remember that Woodstick debacle?  How easily you all turned on each other?  All for your own selfish reasons. These two eejits I can understand,” he said, nodding to Lee and Nate.  “Barely. But you?” He walked towards Wendy who refused to back down. “Thompson, your friend for years, class clown and laughing stock, sticking with people who treat him like dirt because you’re the only friends he’s got.  Dipper Pines, a bloody hero who’s never had any friends before he came here and just happy to finally be accepted into a group. Two people who’ve been treated so poorly for so long they can’t even see how much better they deserve.  Remember how easily you ignored them when they begged you to stay because, despite what they deserve, you lot are the only friends they have?” Phil clenched his fists. “And why? Because your best friend dated your ex. An ex who treated you like crap,” he added as Robbie winced.  “But you didn’t care about her, did you? The first thing you did when you heard about it was get angry at her and threaten her with violence. And for what, dating the guy you were glad to be rid of? You knew how badly he had hurt you, mistreated you, but you never cared that he might do the same to her.  You didn’t show concern for her once, despite being over him. All you thought about was how this made you look. Because Wendy Corduroy’s friends are only important when you want them to be.”

“I made a mistake that day,” she growled.  “We all did. But we forgave each other. Because that’s what friends do.”

“A mistake.”  He shook his head slightly and Wendy felt her own fists clench at the tone in his voice.  “No. A mistake is when you do something wrong and then learn from it or, at least, try to.  But you’ve put yourself before others too many times. It’s become a character trait by now.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” she snapped.

“You abandoned _all_ of your friends over the boy you dumped!  When Dipper Pines needed your help to rescue his sister in that fantasy bubble and save the town, who was the first to abandon him, right when he needed you most?” He snarled, finally causing a flash of hesitation in her eyes.  “And then, right here, you left them again, with a man you thought was a murderer! And for what? To hurt the person who hurt you?”

“Woah, easy man,” said Robbie quickly, catching the look in her eye.

“I see that burning look in your eyes, Corduroy,” he continued, ignoring Robbie.  “Those kids might see it as a spark that lights up the place like a torch. I see a fire that will burn everything around it.  I’ve read all about you. You’ve been in and out of detention since you started school and you’ve spent plenty of nights in the county jail for crimes including trespassing, vandalism, car theft, shoplifting, probably loads more that even your so-called pals don’t know about, am I right?  You love your pranks but don’t like to be on the receiving end of them, you little hypocrite. You enjoy the taste of violence. And then there’s the stuff that’s not illegal but still pretty despicable! Like that time you manipulated that sweet Mabel to _pay you_ for _not_ doing _your_ bloody job!” he hissed, Wendy blinking in surprise.  “You were supposed to be her friend and should have helped her!  How selfish are you? What about that boy you dated, the one you didn’t even bother to break up with because you thought you were too important to even waste a text on him!  And you have the gall to complain about Tambry and Robbie after that? You want people to act a certain way towards you but you act however the hell you want! What, rules are for other people but you can just pick and chose at your leisure?  How deluded are you? You just want to do everything your way, steal and fight and hurt people and damn the bloody consequences because, hey, who cares as long as you’re having fun?”

“That’s not-” Nate tried to say but was drowned out by more of his friend’s many flaws.

“You claim to care about your friends, those kids especially, but you’ve abandoned all of them, again and again!” he spat, ignoring the teen boys and their worried expressions.  “You’re a big sister! That makes you worse than these morons! Would you risk your brothers too? You’re meant to protect them! What if I was who the poster said I was? Those kids would be dead and that, Wendy Corduroy, would be on you,” he finished, pushing an accusing finger into her shoulder.

The boys gasped and took several steps back as they saw her face redden, gritting her teeth as she glared at the man in front of her.  They waited for the explosion of profanity and probable violence, wondering how their friend would be able to stand up to the cyborg without the weapons she had before.

“You’re right, Mister Pink,” she said.  “They deserve better than me.”

The boys stared at her in shock as the hands unclenched and a sudden weariness seemed to come over her, something not even Robbie had seen before.

“We were stupid and selfish,” she said, looking at her hands.  “We put ourselves before them. I’ve done it before and I should have known better, then and now.”  

“But it’s not your fault!” said Lee, stepping forward.  “I was the one who came up with the idea to use the tapes.”

“Yeah, and I’m the one who tried to get you to join us,” Robbie pointed out.  “I asked if you wanted to change anything.”

“Well I’m the guy who said we’d be back in five seconds,” Nate reminded them.  “That’s what really did it. You resisted until I came up with that stupid plan.”

“Yeah, but I still decided to go, didn’t I?” Wendy countered.  “It didn’t matter if it was one second, I shouldn’t have left them when there was so much danger.  And let’s face it, I could have stopped all of you if I’d really wanted. So, no, I’ve got the lion’s share of blame for this.”  She faced Phil, looking him in the eye. “You’re right,” she said again. “We did mess up, doesn’t matter the reasons. Which is why I’m going to do better.  When Mabel vanished, that was the scariest moment of my life, not just because I thought I’d lost her, but because it was all my fault. You might not like me, Mister Pink, but I’d give my life for that girl.  So hate me if you want. You’ve said a lot of bad things about me and most of them are true. But you’re wrong when you said I’m not really their friend. Maybe I’m not as good a friend to them as I thought, nowhere near as good as they deserve, but I’m going to change that.  And if they ever get hurt because of me...well I’m actually kind of glad that you’ll be there to make sure I know it.”

Phil continued his glare.  “I can’t stand any of you eejits,” he growled.  “Especially not you, Corduroy. I want to punch you in the face.”

“Not a big fan of you, either,” she muttered.

“But at least you have the decency to admit you’ve done something wrong,” he continued, stepping back to make sure he was addressing all of them at once.  “Make no mistake,” he hissed. "This isn’t one of those things where you lot admit you’re guilty and I just forgive you for all the crap you’ve pulled.  If I were still able to, I’d throw each of you in prison for child endangerment! But I’m not a cop anymore so this little guilt trip is the best I can legally do unless you mess with time again.  But,” he warned them, “there are some things that I’m willing to risk going to jail for, in this time or the future. And if I think those kids are in danger due to any of your stupid actions or inactions, I will be willing to pay that price to protect them.  Got it?”

“Yes,” said the boys together, telling from his tone that he meant every word.

“Yeah,” agreed Wendy.  “If those kids get hurt because of me, I’d let you do whatever you thought needed to be done.”

He almost said something in response but a horn blared and brought everyone’s attention to the damaged police car that approached.

“Corduroy!” roared Officer Mendez, climbing through the open window.  “I’ve got a bone to pick with you!” She fell out the window with a grunt and got to her feet, all of the older teens taking an automatic step back.  “What the hell were you doing over at Town Square?” she demanded. “What was that you were fighting? You got a license for that flaming axe? If not, you had better get one, you little punk or - who is this magnificent adonis?” she asked, her eyes locking on Phil, scanning every inch of him several times.

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” he chuckled, reaching into his duffel bag.  “Actually, Officer, I’m the one Wendy was fighting. She was under the control of a member of a cult from the future and she was trying to kill me so we duelled and havoc ensued, resulting in the destruction of much property.  That’s all been sorted, however, and while I’m willing and even eager to try and build a good relationship with the police force of this town, I fear that revealing all this too soon could cause tension too soon. As such, I have some nanobots that will help repair the town and I will set them to work some time tonight in order to avoid any witnesses.  Later, when I have decided the best way, I will reveal myself and my situation to a select number of individuals in power but will keep my identity and purpose a secret until such time. Now, you may be wondering why I have just told you all this if I’m trying to keep a low profile but it’s actually to bring every memory, even the subconscious ones, related to the incident and time travel to the surface and make it easier to remove those memories.”

“God, you’re beautiful,” whispered Mendez, admiring the broad shoulders.  “Wait, what was that last part?”

“I get that a lot, too,” Phil smiled as he pressed a soft, white fabric against her face.

“Isn’t that just a baby wipe?” asked Thompson.

“Nah, that’s a memory wipe,” explained Wendy.  “It’s easy to get them confused.”

“Yeah,” agreed Mabel.  “Wait, how did you know that?”

“There we go,” said Phil, drawing Mabel’s attention back to him, unintentionally helping Wendy avoid her question.  “She’s going to just stand there until the wipe finishes the job. You lot had better leg it before she starts asking questions.  I will distract her with my body.”

“But-” said Mabel, glancing between him and the van.  “But I thought you’d take a ride to town with us! We could point out all the people and places!  We’d give you a tour! Where will you stay? Do you have a number? We could hang out and-”

“Mabel, sweetheart,” he said gently, dropping to a knee and taking her by the shoulders, “Thank you for everything.  But I just - I just need to be alone for a while,” he said, sending relief through most of the teens. “I get that you’re only trying to help but I’m tired and it’s been a long day.  I’d rather just walk to town. Think some things through. Besides,” he added, “you’ve still got to take your brother on that shopping trip. The summer’s barely started, you should be spending it with your friends, not some old man who’ll probably bring the mood down.  I’m glad for everything you’ve done for me. But this has still been a big change in my life and I need some alone time to gather my thoughts.”

“Oh,” she said, casting her eyes down as she still struggled with the idea that being alone could be something anyone could truly want when they were already sad.  “Okay, Phil. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I couldn’t get you more time with your daughter. I annoyed so many people in the future, they just wanted to get rid of me and send us back.  If I’d tried a different way then maybe they’d have let you see her for longer, maybe-”

Hel pulled her close, his metallic arm caressing the back of her head gently.  “You did enough,” he promised her. “You risked your life to save your friend. You helped prove my innocence.  You let me see her again and now we can swap letters. In ten years or so when the storm passes, I’ll get to see her again.  That’s more than I ever thought I’d get.” He let her go and she wiped her eyes and returned his sad smile.

“Oh!” said Phil, reaching into his pocket.  “Better not forget this. My girl really appreciated what you did for her, Dipper,” he told the thirteen-year old, passing him a small square with writing.  “Best birthday present ever. Wanted me to give you this as thanks.”

“‘Dear Dipper,’” he read, “Thank you for an amazing gift.  I hope you’ll take care of my Da and think of me often. Love, Mary.  Your number one fangirl!’ Huh,” he said. “That was nice of her.”

“There’s a picture on the other side,” Phil sighed.

Dipper flipped the card over and the other teens peered at the picture of the beautiful girl with dark skin and her father’s blue eyes, blowing a kiss and winking at the camera, a red lipstick mark at the bottom corner.

“Go Dipper,” murmured Wendy, nodding with approval as the boy turned bright red and his sister giggled.

“What a babe!” said Nate with a grin, nudging Lee who wolf-whistled.  “Bet she’d show you a good time! An age appropriate good time,” he amended quickly as Phil looked at his nails in a non-threatening way that was somehow very threatening.

“Uh, thanks,” said Dipper, coughing into his fist and taking out his journal with the pine tree symbol, tucking the picture carefully between the pages.  “I’m sure I’ll look at her a lot in the future when I -”

“Don’t need to know why you’d look at her,” Phil muttered, closing his eyes.

“-need a reminder that I’ve accomplished something with my life and earned someone’s respect,” finished Dipper.  He blinked. “Wait. Why did you think I would look at her?”

“...Well I just made this conversation very uncomfortable,” declared Phil, desperate to change the subject.  

“Where am I?” muttered Mendez, rubbing her head as the wipe fell away.

“Perfect!” declared Phil, dropping the duffel bag and sliding his jacket off in a move that looked very practised, his shirt soon following.  “Behold my beauty!” he commanded the dazed woman.

“Okay!” said Mendez eagerly, grinning happily.

“Nice!” said Mabel, giving two thumbs up as Wendy and Tambry nodded in appreciation, the boys feeling suddenly inadequate, Dipper and Robbie in particular taking note of their own underwhelming figures.

“Avert your unwanted eyes, Corduroy!” Phil barked.  “This glorious sight was not meant for one so undeserving as you, you foul filth that masquerades in human form, tainting the beauty of the ginger race with your repugnant nature!”

“Aaaand the magic’s gone,” said Wendy, folding her arms.  “Can’t stand to even look at him now, shirtless or not.”

“Can I touch you?” asked Mendez, her eyes wide.

“Will you question what the kids were doing here?”

“What kids?”

“Okay, you may hold me,” sighed Phil.  “Run,” he hissed as the woman rushed at him.  “While she’s distracted!”

“But how will you explain to her what you two were doing all alone in the woods?”  asked Dipper as the boys and Wendy went to the van, Mabel and Tambry delaying for as long as they could.

“Look, I’ve done this before, okay?  You just - wait.” He paused, his lower lip wobbling suddenly.  “Damn. I’ve just realised this is the closest I’ve been to a woman since my divorce.  I’ve been so lonely!” he sobbed, putting his arms around Mendez.

“So smooth,” said the officer whispered, one hand on his chest, the other on his back.  “And the crying just makes it hotter!” she added, hopefully still under the effects of the memory wipe.

“Welp, this got weird, even for me!” declared Mabel, clapping her hands and joining her disgusted brother on the way to the van.  “To the mall, people!” she yelled as she closed the door of the vehicle, now in better condition than it had been in years. “No more delays!”

“How much money did you bring for clothes anyway?” Thompson asked from the front, ecstatic that the van was not only repaired but was also in its original colour, the nanobots apparently so confused by the conflicting and outlandish requests of Mabel Pines that they must have decided to just ignore her.

“Doesn’t matter,” interrupted Wendy as Dipper opened his mouth.  “It’s on me.”

“But-”

“No butts except ours heading to the mall,” she told him.  “We did something stupid and you two almost got hurt because of it.  That means I’m covering for you and we’re paying for lunch.”

“What do you mean ‘we’?” asked Lee.

“I mean, the four of us who went back the first time,” Wendy said, giving him a measured look.  “We messed up. They went to save us. They almost got hurt. Tambry and Thompson had to deal with worrying about us and babysitting a guy they thought could wake up and kill them.  We owe them all . So we’re treating everybody to lunch and ice-cream. Then I’m buying Dipper as many clothes as he needs,” she said.

“She’s right,” said Robbie, Tambry raising her eyebrows.  “Oh and, uh, Thompson. Buddy. Pink told me you, er, you tried to protect Tambry.  That’s...thanks.” He cleared his throat. “I, uh, I shouldn’t have left you two in that position.  I should have stayed to protect you myself. I’m sorry for that,” he said to his girlfriend, her familiar scowl telling him she would talk to him about this later and she would make him regret doing it, but that ultimately she would forgive him.   “But you, Thompson, you ever need me to do something, just let me know. Okay? I owe you, man.”

Thompson blinked in surprise, confused by the expressions he saw in the mirror when he looked at his friends.  “Uh, sure, man. No problem. What are friends for?”

Wendy glanced at Dipper and Mabel, the twins and Tambry looking at the others with concern.  Her eyes fell to the panda duck and she patted it’s head for comfort, thinking hard about the day she’d had, what they’d done and everything the people from the future had said to her.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Stan looked around what used to be his office.  Part of him felt like it still was. But his time as Mister Mystery was over.  And though he’d probably never admit it to him, Soos had done a good job. Maybe business wasn’t as good as when Stan had been in charge but it was only his first year and he had done better than Stan had thought.  Well enough to support himself and his grandmother as well as hire Melody as the new cashier and even give Wendy a raise she didn’t deserve (what did she even do here anymore?)

He had offered to look at some of the account numbers for Soos, maybe give him some pointers to help the business a little, and had returned to the office for some peace and quiet.  He took a seat in the familiar chair. The place was definitely cleaner at least, but Stan guessed that had less to do with Soos and more to do with his grandmother. His train of thought was interrupted as there was a knock on the door and Wendy stuck her head inside.

“Oh, hey, Stan,” she said in slight surprise.  “Thought you were Soos. What are you doing back in here?”

“Hm?  Oh, you can relax, kid, I’m not going back to being your boss.  I’m just looking through some of Soos’ business numbers. See if I can give him some pointers, maybe help skim a bit off the top.”  He picked up some of the notes on the desk, more smiley faces and pictures of leopards than Stan was expecting, but at a glance the numbers looked good.  “Geez,” he growled at Wendy, “Miracle the place hasn’t been sold off the way Soos runs it!”

“Yeah, he’s a cool boss,” said Wendy absently.  “Hey, while you’re here, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, kid,” he grunted.  “People like to pretend it’s a free country after all.”  He raised his eyebrows at her as a grin appeared on his face.  “But my answer’s probably gonna be that I didn’t do it and you can’t prove it was me!”

She didn’t react to that at all and he started to regard her more carefully as she stepped into the room and shut the door behind her.  She rubbed the back of her neck as she hesitated with her question, so similar to Dipper in that moment with her awkwardness and pine tree hat that he almost wondered if they had done a body-swap.

“Why did you hire me?” she blurted out.

“What?”

“I mean, I’m lazy, I hate any kind of work, I was usually sarcastic and rude even when I did what you told me.  I know others applied so why pick me over them?”

Stan rolled his eyes.  “You mean those good-for-nothin’ friends of yours?  You kiddin’ me? That tall one with the hippie hair kept trying to charge everything at eight-hundred bucks and eighty-five cents for some reason and wouldn’t stop sniggering!  I mean, I can appreciate the effort, but even our dumbest customers would think twice about a keychain at that price! And Tambry was even worse - she spent so much time on her phone that she’da let customers buy the merchandise at their actual value!  I couldn’t afford that - I had an underground lair to maintain! Maybe Thompson or that other one might have done okay but the cinema nabbed them before I could.” He shrugged. “I needed a cashier and you were the best of a meh bunch. Any more questions?”

Wendy sighed.  She should have known.  “Nah,” she said, “I’m good.”  She made her way to the door. “See you around, Stan.”

Her hand was on the doorknob when she hear him speak again: “You deserved a chance.”

She paused and looked back at him.  He had swivelled in the chair so that she could only see the back of it.  

“I heard your dad complain that you’d been fired from every other job for laziness and attitude.  Heard him say he was tired of you wasting your life and he’d be shipping you off upstate to your cousin’s if you didn’t stop acting out.  And I remember another time when I overheard someone talk about me like that. How that made me feel.” There was a creak as he changed position in the chair.  “And I remember thinking: ‘hey, who the hell are you to decide what I’m worth? Maybe if you gave me a real chance instead of just judging me. Maybe you should look at the good I did and not just the bad.  I can mess things up, sure, but give me something worth working for and I’d show you what I could really do.’ And then you came in that door carrying my flyer and asking for a job. You acted cool but I saw that look in your eye.  Seen it enough times in the mirror when I was your age that I could still recognise it, even after all these years. I know what it’s like to have everybody stop believing in you just ‘cause you didn’t want to be what they expected you to be.  To grow up with the whole world trying to sell something that you weren’t buying and somehow that was all your fault. And I just wished that someone had went out on a limb, looked past the attitude and saw what I could be capable of, not what I’d done.  I’d seen you around, Wendy. Saw that you were lazy, a troublemaker and liked to give sass whenever you could. And I remembered what I was like when I was your age. And I thought to myself: ‘I’m gonna regret this.’”

The chair creaked again as he spun around to face her.  “And you know what? I was right! From the moment you put your muddy boots on that counter and plenty of times since!  Hah! The look on your face!” He pointed and laughed at her, grinning madly.

The laugh continued for a short while and Wendy started to think this was the best she was going to get before the laughter faded.  “Then Dipper and Mabel came,” he said, his voice low. “I saw you playing with them, being a big sister to Mabel, become something more to Dipper.  That kid never made a friend in his life and then you come along and all of a sudden you’re all he could talk about. ‘Wendy’s so cool! Wendy can make origami with her axe!  I’m going to the arcade with Wendy! Can Wendy come over for movie night?’” He looked at her, a knowing smirk on his lips. “That wasn’t just his crush talking. That was him finally finding someone close to his own age outside of family who actually gave a damn about him.”  

Stan glanced down briefly, his expression turning pained.  “That kid’s been bullied his whole life,” he grunted. “For every reason you can think of.  He’s short. He’s a nerd. He’s got the muscles of a three-year old girl and a birthmark on his face.  Sometimes Mabel would get in fights ‘cause he wouldn’t fight back when they were wailing on him. And when a boy needs his sister to protect him, that just makes it easier for the bullies to hurt him.”  His hands clenched into fists. “When someone you care about starts to think they’re not important enough to even defend themselves, that hurts you, Wendy. That’s a pain I wouldn’t want on anyone. Not even Gideon,” he said, surprising her.

“We tease him a lot, don’t we?” she said quietly.

“Yeah, but we’re different,” said Stan with a dismissive wave of his hand.  “Yeah, okay, maybe...maybe we do it more than we should. But sometimes he can give out as good as he gets.  And I let him know that I’m kinda impressed when he does that. I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m _proud_ of him-”

“I’m always proud of him,” said Wendy firmly.  “Always. Proud of them both. And so are you, we all know it even if you won’t admit it.”

Stan gave an annoyed grunt and rolled his eyes.  “The point is,” he continued, not outright denying it, “that we might make fun of his sweating problem and being a nerd-”

“And his voice,” added Wendy with a grin.

“And his height.”

“And his taste in music.”

Stan laughed.  “Yeah, that’s a good one!  But even though we make fun of him for all that, we’re the first to defend him whenever anyone else tries it.  Like with our brothers. Our brothers are plenty capable of handling themselves but we’ll protect them anyway ‘cause that’s instinct.  I mean, let’s say - hypothetically speaking - that there was this older kid who tried to beat up Dip-”

“I’d knock his teeth out and make him swallow them,” answered Wendy without missing a beat.

“Um,” said Stan, surprised by the matter-of-factness of her response.  “Okay. Good. But what if you knew them or were friends with them or-”

“I’d knock Robbie’s teeth out and make him swallow them,” answered Wendy with the same tone and expression as before.  “Not that I’d need to,” she added, almost as an afterthought. “Dipper could take him.”

“You sound pretty sure about that,” said Stan slowly.  “Wait, I never said-”

“I know Robbie challenged Dipper to a fight,” sighed Wendy.  “Total jerk move. Even for him. I mean, I know Robbie and he would never have really gone through with it but I bet Dipper would have believed him.  Scaring a kid and letting him think you’ll fight him is one thing, but actually hitting him? He’s not that bad. But nah, I’ve seen Dipper fight and I’ve seen Robbie, well, _try_ to fight is probably the best way to put it.  Dipper can take him. Even back at the start of last summer, I’d have put my money on Dipper.  He’s got more grit than most men I know and that can take you far.”

“Huh,” said Stan, thinking back to that day.  “I guess you had more faith in him at that time than I did.  But that’s what I’m saying. You’da beaten up your boyfriend for that kid.  Even back then you were always defending him when Robbie or anyone who hadn’t earned it made fun.  Mabel and Dipper matter to you. Dipper especially. Even if it isn’t the way he wants, he’s smart enough to respect that and still wants to be your friend.  You’ve no idea how rare that is for a guy, Wendy. You barely see that in grown men, let alone a kid his age. He’s real special. And you can see that, even if he can’t see it enough himself.  And that was more than enough for me to keep you on, no matter how much lip you gave me.” He looked at her, considering her uncharacteristic hesitation and uncertainty. “Now why are you asking me about this?  Normally you don’t care what anybody thinks of you, least of all me. What gives?”

Wendy looked down at her hands, the raw knuckles she had earned in the fight healed thanks to Pink’s medi-gel.  “Earlier today, I - I put myself before them,” she admitted. “I’ll spare you the details but we had an unconscious bad guy - well, we thought he was a bad guy - and I left the twins alone with him.”  She clenched her hands into fists. “I shouldn’t have done that. There was time travel and my friends told me that if we timed it right I could spend a day in the past and only be gone for a few seconds.  But it didn’t work out like that. We were gone for too long, the twins came after us and then the guy woke up and he came after us too. We were lucky. He wasn’t the bad guy after all, so they weren’t in danger.  But I still left them alone with someone I thought was a murderer.” Her knuckles cracked painfully and she had to let out a deep breath to relax her hands. “I’m sorry, Stan. I knew it was wrong and risky but I did it anyway.”  Wendy pulled the cap off her head and looked at the pine tree symbol on the front. “When we did get back...that guy really laid it into me. Can’t say I didn’t deserve it. Said I should have protected them, never should have taken the risk, that I didn’t really care about them-”

“Bull.”

Wendy looked up and saw Stan leaning forward in his old chair, his hands clasped in front of him.  “That there’s a load of bull,” he said again. “That guy doesn’t really know you if he thinks that.  I’ve seen you with them and know you’d risk your life to help them. Hell, I’ve seen you do it. Look, kid, I’m not gonna say you weren’t wrong to leave them like that.  Maybe I’da yelled at you too.” Wendy looked away, thinking back to Pink’s harsh words. “But I know you care.” She looked at him again and felt relieved at the certainty in his eyes.  “Hell, I care and I’ve let them wander the woods knowing that there’s ghosts and zombies and all that other crap out there, and I’m meant to be their legal guardian or whatever!”

Stan nodded to the window through which they could see Mabel playing with Waddles as Dipper stood next to her, his journal in hand.  “Do you know why Ford and I let them go out there, even when we know it’s dangerous?” he asked her. “It’s ‘cause we know they’d do it anyway,” he said when she shook her head.  “It’s in their nature. Me and Ford were the same at their age. Those kids aren’t normal, they’ve proven that plenty of times last year. Just like your dad let’s you and your brothers roam even though he knows better than anyone that there’s bears and other stuff out there.  He’s warned and prepared you so now he has to trust you’re all smart enough to do it for yourselves.”

“He’s...not a bad dad,” agreed Wendy, thinking of the countless hours he’d spent with all of them, honing their skills.  Alone. With no one to share the responsibility or hardships of parenthood for years. “He’s a good dad,” Wendy corrected herself.  “He cares, even if he shows it in a weird way.”

“Yeah, well I ain’t exactly mister hugs and kisses myself,” muttered Stan.  “But as I was saying, those two have handled monsters and demons and zombies in ways that most adults couldn’t.  You honestly thought they’d be alright on their own ‘cause they’ve hardly ever needed help when there’s been danger around.  When they ask for help we’ll give it to them but I wouldn’t say they _need_ it.  So I ain’t gonna yell at you, kid.  Sounds like you’ve had enough of that.  I can see that it’s affecting you and that must’ve been some telling off if even Wendy Corduroy’s showing regret.”  Stan cleared his throat awkwardly, unsure of how to finish. “So, yeah, I ain’t gonna play the blame game with you.  I’m not exactly the paragon of good judgement or parenting skills. But the kids trust you. And I trust you with them.  Ain’t anything else I can say to you, Wendy.”

Wendy nodded, considering his words.  “I don’t think you need to,” she said.  “I know how much they mean to you. So if you can trust me with something that important, then that’s good enough for me.”  She made her way to the door again, reflecting on their conversation until she heard him speak.

“It was your Mom, wasn’t it?” he asked, her fingers stopping just short of the doorknob.  

She looked at him in surprise, his chin resting on his clasped hands as he looked at her sympathetically.

“How’d you know?” she asked him eventually, when the silence had dragged on for too long.

“Like I said, you remind me a lot of me at your age,” he said with a shrug.  “I wasn’t much older than you when Pa threw me out of the house. I’ve got a lot of regrets in my life - accidentally ruining Ford’s machine, my marriage, that tuna casserole I ate that time I was homeless, being homeless...but I don’t think I’d change any of them.  ‘Cause they all led me to here. I’ve got my brother back and we’ve been adventuring on our ship just like I always wanted. I’ve made my fortune from robbing those leprechauns and the temple of that fertility goddess (don’t tell Ford I did that) and, most importantly, I got to meet the kids.  So yeah, I can take the good with the bad and if all that bad led me to where I am now, then I’d say that it was a damn good price. But. BUT!” Stan leaned back in his chair and gritted his teeth. “But if there is one thing I’d be tempted by...It’d be to go back and sock that sleazebag father of mine right in the jaw and tell him I wasn’t a screw up after all.”  Stan thumbed his nose angrily. “No thanks to him. So, did you…?”

“No,” said Wendy miserably.  “I’d thought about it for years, what I’d do, what I’d say.  Punch her, kick her, scream at her, rig that damn bike of hers to fall apart as she drove away-”

“Nice idea,” said Stan with admiration.

“-but when I saw her I just, I just couldn’t.”  She scratched her head and bit her lip. “I hated her, Stanley.  I still do. But when I saw her...she was still my Mom, y’know?”

Stan sighed. “I think I do,” he said, standing from his chair.  “But I think I’d’ve still gone through with it. And I don’t think it’d make me feel any better if I did.”

“Bad parents can really get under your skin, can’t they?” muttered Wendy darkly.

Stan grunted in agreement.  “Yeah, they do. They also don’t deserve the attention that we give them.  Guess we all have to find some way of moving on, even if it takes a while. I mean, Soos managed to move on from his crappy parent issues!  I didn’t think I ever could but, with the kids and Ford back in my life, who knows, maybe one day. But I think you’ve got a better chance than I do.  You’ve got more friends and family than I did, more brains and potential than me too.”

She returned his smirk.  “Thanks, Stan. You know, you’re an alright guy.  Terrible boss, but an alright guy.”

“Yeah, yeah, save it for Soos,” he said, waving at her.  “Look, you feel bad about leaving them unprotected? That’s life.  There’s gonna be some point, probably tomorrow, knowing them, when they’ll be in trouble again.  So you’ve gotta teach them to take care of themselves. Ford and me were thinking of teaching them how to box and some alternate reality combat things that Ford learned on his travels.  Give them that extra little edge. And hopefully give Dipper the muscles of at least a ten-year old or something. Why don’t you join us sometime? I know you teach Dipper the odd bit here and there but some more formal practise couldn’t hurt.  Who knows? Might end up saving them some day. You interested?”

“Yeah,” said Wendy with a grin.  “That could be fun. I could take them camping and teach them a few things.  Dipper’s taught me enough, I owe him as many free lessons as he wants. Mabel might be harder to teach but I think I can still get a few things through.  More natural talent on her part, I guess. But I think it’ll be fun for them too.”

“Great, I’m sure they’ll love it,” said Stan, clapping his hands together.  “They’ll get more time with their favourite slacker and you’ll get more time teaching them bad habits that they can hide from that mother of theirs.”  A strange look flashed across Stan’s face before he shook his head. “Anyway, nice chat and all that garbage but get the hell out. I’ve got some stuff to do here to make sure Soos isn’t giving too much of this junk away.”

“Sure, Stan,”  she said, smiling as she closed the door.  “Whatever you say.”

When the door closed, Stan returned to the sales figures that Soos had left out for him.  “‘Terrible boss,’” he grunted. “Yeah, like she’d ever be Employee of the Month.”

Wendy leaned her head against the door, lost in thought.  She was still thinking when her phone rang, stepping away into the stairwell as she checked who it was and put it to her ear.  “Hey, Robbie.”

“Hey, Wendy.  Uh, can we talk for a minute?”

“Sure,” she said, his tone sounding as tired as she felt.  “Let me just go somewhere private.” She looked around, trying to decide if outside would be best, maybe through the gift shop to her not-so-secret hide away on the roof, but decided against it, instead settling for the twins’ bedroom.  “Okay, go ahead,” she said as she leaned over the desk where Dipper had stacked his pile of books, looking through the window to see him talking to his sister, no doubt asking as much as he could about her time in the future.

“I, uh, just wanted to talk about today,” Robbie said.  “About what that Pink guy said. And he was right about me.  I was a bad boyfriend to you, Wendy. See, I’d liked you for years, since the day we met when you punched me at that party.  Remember?”

Wendy thought hard, trying to remember.  “No,” she said after a while. “Sorry. I’ve punched a lot of dudes, so it’s hard to-”

“It’s fine,” he told her.  “Really. Anyway, the point is I’d always had this crush on you and when we dated, I got angry that it wasn’t as good as I’d imagined.  Not that that was your fault!” he added hastily. “That was on me. I’d put you on this pedestal and it was impossible for even someone as awesome as you to meet those standards.  But I was a dumb jerk and I still blamed you because I’d created this fantasy version of you that just couldn’t exist in reality.”

“I know how tempting a fantasy can be,” Wendy admitted, watching Dipper with guilt as she remembered a look of disappointment on his face as she chose pranks and fun over helping him rescue his sister and the town, the way she dismissed that hurt in his eyes with a confident grin that he would get over it.  “It takes a really strong person to resist that,” she said. “Someone stronger you and me combined.”

“Yeah,” he sighed.  “But that doesn’t excuse what I did.  You were right to break up with me. I was a jerk and you deserved better.  But as much as Pink was right about me, about the way I treated you, calling me out for leaving Tambry and trying to stop myself from making a mistake instead of just owning up to it, he was wrong about one thing.  You’re probably not going to believe me,” he muttered, “but I’ve got to say it. And even if you don’t believe me, I won’t blame you. I don’t think I’d believe me either.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t know about the secret message on that song.  I ripped it off another band I found on the internet, I did steal it and change the lyrics and lied about writing it for you. But that’s it. I - I know I’m a piece of crap, Wendy, but taking over someone’s mind, that - that’s just too far. And if that is why you went out with me again, I’m sorry for that.  Even if I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry.”

“Robbie,” she sighed, “I already knew that.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before he found his voice again.  “Wait, you - you did?”

“Of course, dude!” she said moving away from the window to sit on Mabel’s bed.  “You were a crap boyfriend but taking over my mind? Come on man, I’ve known you for too long to think you were that bad!  I mean, I know you threatened to fight Dipper but I also know you wouldn’t do it, even when he said he wouldn’t fight back or run.  You’re not as bad as most people think you are Robbie. Sometimes you’re not even as bad as you think you are.”

“You, er, you know about the fight?”

“Dipper told me.  Well, he told me about summoning a video game character to be his bodyguard and how it went wrong, then I remembered the state you two were in that day and put two and two together.  Besides, I spoke to Stan Two and he told me that subliminal messaging just doesn’t work. Not without doing it for years with super advanced technology or magic. Look, Robbie, taking you back after you stood me up so often was kinda dumb but romance makes everybody dumb, never mind when they’re going through puberty.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, I’m still a teenage girl, Robbie, doesn’t matter how tall I am or how many wolves I can wrestle. What, you think guys are the only ones who do stupid stuff because of hormones and junk?  I’m still as emotional and naive and sometimes even stupid as anybody else my age. Maybe you didn’t deserve that second chance but I gave it to you because I honestly thought that somebody writing a song for me was sweet. To me, you earned that second chance, I didn’t need magic to convince me.”

“Wow,” he managed after a slight pause.  “I, uh, I never knew you knew. Wait, if you knew then why didn’t Dipper tell Pink the truth when he accused me of taking over your mind?  I mean, he kinda came to my defence anyway but he didn’t tell Pink I didn’t mean to do it.”

Wendy frowned, wondering why Dipper wouldn’t have corrected the time traveller.  Even if Dipper still didn’t like Robbie, letting him take the blame for something like that didn’t sound like Dipper.  “Ah, crap,” she groaned when she realised the truth. “I didn’t talk to Dipper about it and I was alone with Stan Two when I asked him.  I’m sorry, Robbie, that’s my fault. I barely spoke to Dipper for the next couple of days after, I was so mad at him. Even when I did, we never really spoke about what happened since he just kept apologising and I didn’t want to bring it up after a while.  I should have told him upfront, I just thought he’d be smart enough to figure it out on his own.”

“Don’t think that’s his fault,” Robbie grunted.  “Or yours. I was so convinced that no one would believe that I didn't even try and tell Pink or Dipper the truth.  I mean, Pink had made up his mind about me already and I never treated Dipper right so it’s no surprise he’d think the worst of me.  I mean, I thought you’d thought the worst of me and that’s why we’d started to drift apart this last year.”

“That’s...there’s a reason why I’ve been kinda distant with you, Robbie,” she said.  “And it’s not your fault. At first I was still kinda mad at you. But then it became something more, well, petty.  I was jealous,” she told him. “Of you and Tambry.”

“Uh,” said Robbie, growing nervous.

“I don’t mean it that way,” she sighed.  “I’m over you, Robbie. I was over you way before you dated Tambry.  Pink was right when he said I was a selfish hypocrite. I’d said to Mabel and Dipper earlier that day that I wished you would move on and then you did and instead of being happy that you finally found someone or worried about Tambry dating you when you’d been such a jerk to me, all I did was lose it.  Because I was more worried about how it would make me look if my best friend dated my ex. And then I storm off, deciding that if I’m unhappy then I’m not going to let anybody else be happy. I really let Thompson and the twins down that day. I acted like some spoiled brat, like Pacifica Northwest or Gideon Gleeful at their worst.”

She looked out the window, the light fading as the sun started to set.  “I was jealous that she’d found happiness before me, all those jerks I dated and she finds love by accident.  That got to me. I know I’m good at hiding how I really feel but sometimes I want to find a decent guy just as much as the next girl.  Maybe I don’t go looking for them the way Mabel does but it would still be nice to have one decent boyfriend under my belt, you know?”

“Sorry.”

“Look, Robbie,” she sighed, “I don’t want to hear any more apologies.  You’re beginning to sound like Dipper. I bet if I mentioned it again he’d still apologise.  But I’ve forgiven him, Robbie, and I’ve forgiven you. But seeing you and Tambry together, it reminds me that I’ve never actually been in love.  I’ve dated more guys than I can count and none of them really mattered to me in the end. Except you. We had some good times. Some really good times.  The truth is, Robbie, that even with all the times you stood me up and the lying...you were still the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. You really mattered to me.”

“Oh.”  She heard the hesitation in his voice.  “You really must have crappy luck with guys if I’m the best.”

She laughed and soon he was laughing too.  “Yeah,” she grinned. “I really do. But I think us breaking up was for the best.  You make Tambry happy, Robbie, happy in a way I’ve never seen her before. She really loves you.  And you love her. She tells me about all the things you do for her, just to make her happy, even when you don’t know you’re doing anything.  And I'm glad she's found someone like that.”

“Yeah,” he said.  She heard the hesitation in his voice again before he continued.  “Listen, Wendy, I think...I think we could have made it work. Not that I’m having second thoughts about Tambry!” he added quickly.  “I’d never do that. But you were a pretty cool girlfriend. I just didn’t appreciate you until it was too late. But I think that, maybe if I wasn’t such a Robbie, it could have worked. I’m glad it didn’t because I’m happier than I’ve ever been before, even more than our best times together.  But you were better than I deserved back then and you deserve to find somebody that can make you as happy as I am.  And I think you’ll find him. I'll say to you what I said to Dipper: if someone like me can find happiness then so can someone like you. Because Pink was wrong about me.  He thought I was worse than I really was. Which means he’s wrong about you because you’re better than me. Uh, listen, you, uh, you maybe want to go get a coffee or snack or something sometime? Just the two of us so we can catch up?  I’ll pay. It’s the least I can do. I mean, I’ll have to talk ask Tambry if she’s okay with that but I think she knows us both well enough to know there’s nothing there anymore.”

“I’d like that,” she smiled.  “I’ll have to check when I’m free though, I kinda overspent today and need to ask Soos for more hours to make up for it.  But I’ll text you when I know.”

“Cool.  You take care of yourself, Wendy.”

“Yeah.  You too.” She stared at the phone, thinking of how much Robbie had changed since he had found Tambry.  A part of her wondered if she would also change for the better when she found love. Another part wondered if she ever would.  But the biggest part told her that she was still just a sixteen year old girl and that there were more important things than boys, whatever her hormones liked to tell her.

She took a deep breath as she scrolled through her contacts and prepared to hit the call button.  But she hesitated, deciding she needed some help first. She made her way downstairs, hearing Mabel and Dipper talking to Ford about the events of the day and was glad that she would have a little more privacy.  She found her emotional support right at the door where she had left it, giving it a quick squeeze when she made sure no one would see her. Then she stepped outside, away from the Shack as the phone rang.

“Yeah?” said a loud, gruff voice.

“Hi, Dad,” she said.  “It’s me.”

“I can see that,” Manly Dan grunted.  “Your name comes up. What is it?”

“I just, I just wanted to talk to you Dad,” she said, giving the panda-duck the hardest squeeze yet.  “Just you and me. That okay?”

“What did you do now?” he sighed, sounding more like a growl.

“Nothing!  It isn’t like that.  I just - I wanted to say that I appreciate how much you’ve done for me.  For us. All of it. I just don’t tell you that very often.”

“If you want a car then you’re going to have to earn the money yourself,” he said.  “Flattery will get you nowhere so don’t even -”

“For God’s sake, Dad, will you just shut up and listen!” She barked into the phone.  When she heard the silence on the end she knew it was more due to anger than anything else.  But she made the most of it anyway, continuing to say as much as she could. “I wanted to say that I know we have our arguments and we yell at each other and that I complain a lot.  And I’m sorry. You’re a good dad, Dad. I know we fight. I know you get mad at me for being so lazy, for getting in trouble so much. And I know I get mad when you boss me about. But I also know that you just want what’s right for me.  You want me to be a better person. And that I’m going to try and be better.”

“Wendy?” He asked, his voice hinting at a rare moment of concern.  “Are you in trouble?”

She almost smiled.  “No. It’s not like that.  I just - I did something stupid and now I’m trying to do something right.”

“Wendy?”  He asked, his voice lowering with a fear she had only heard a handful of times.  “Are you pregnant?”

“Oh for fu-” she slapped her hand against her face, dragging it from forehead to chin.  “No,” she growled. “I am not pregnant. I just - I messed up today,” she admitted. “I failed my friends.  They needed me and I left them, too busy thinking about myself. Nobody got hurt but they could’ve. And I could have nipped it in the bud but I didn’t.  I failed, okay? I’ve done it before and I did it again and I have to live with the fact that I should have learned my lesson the first time and now I’m wondering if I’m ever going to learn it.  Because I can’t keep failing them, Dad. They’re too important to me. They deserve better than that. And I honestly don’t know if I’m strong enough to be that person.”

“‘Course you are,” he said.  “You’re a Corduroy.”

“I don’t think a family chant’s going to be enough this time, Dad,” she sighed.

“That ain’t what I mean,” he growled.  “It means you’re my daughter. It means I’ve seen you grow up, I’ve seen what you can do, that strength you have, that grit.  You beat all those kids at those lumberjack games, set all those records. You’ve done more than anyone else thought you could, even me.  When you were growing up and Marcus started to get stronger than you, you learned to fight smarter. When the boys learned to team up on you, you learned to fight even smarter than before.  When Never Mind All That happened, you were on the front lines and going strong. Ain’t nothing you can’t do when you put your mind to it. You’re tougher than the boys, tougher than even I was at your age.  So what if you fail? Ain’t nobody perfect, not even Corduroys. It’s only really failure when you don’t learn from it. You don’t even need to beat whatever it was, you just gotta learn to not fail so much the next time.  And even if you do end up failing worse, who cares? You’re my daughter. That’s plenty enough for me.”

She stared at the sky, the stars starting to appear as leaned her head against Dipper's gift.  “Thanks, Dad. I'm proud of you. Proud to be your daughter.”

“Yeah,” he grunted.  “Me too. We done? ‘Cause I ain’t one for this mushy stuff and-”

“Yeah, we’re done,” she said with a shake of her head and a small smile.  “I’ll be getting food at the Shack so don’t wait up.” He grunted in response and ended the call, leaving her with a faint smile as she held her new companion close.

“Best present ever,” she whispered to it before she made her way back to the Shack, eager for a good meal with even better company, her family away from home.

 

* * *

  
“Thanks, guys,” said Phillip Pink, hopping out of the logging truck he’d helped pull out of the ditch.  “Drive safe! And go see a doctor about that sleeping problem! Or get some caffeine at least.” The men agreed that was a good idea, so happy to wake up alive that they didn’t even think to question how a lone man had managed to drag their loaded logger truck back onto the road or why their many bruises were slowly fading away before their eyes.  A lift into town had seemed a good trade for such a miracle.

Phil waved goodbye as they passed, wondering if he should alert the authorities about the truck driver.  Then he thought about the Gravity Falls police department and decided against it. Mendez seemed to be the only competent one and he’d had to wipe her memories more than once before he’s found the emotional strength to finally leave her.  Better to avoid her for a while. Hopefully she’d just assume her blow to the head was the reason for the lost day and he wouldn’t need to worry about it.

He looked around the darkening town, spotting a diner and making his way towards it.  The TPAES had refused to give him any money, instead giving him just the barest of necessities to survive, including protein pastes that would sustain him until he sent his report and requested more.  He sighed as he sat on the steps leading to the diner, the smell of the food inside helping mask the bland taste.

He looked at the stars, thinking about what his life would be like from now on.  Ten years. Give or take. That was a long time. He was grateful for everything that Mabel had done for him.  It was more than he could have hoped for. But it was going to be much harder than he had led her to believe. Ten years in a time he didn’t belong in.  He’d have to get used to so much. Remember to always keep his tongue in check in case he accidentally revealed something too soon. Even jokes could be dangerous.  He’d have to learn about politics, something still alien to him after living for so long with a time manipulating tyrant ruling the entire planet. There were so many things that the people of this century still cared about, differences that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in the future.  Religion. Nationality. Race. Sexuality. Gender. He sighed, thinking how much he had taken for granted in his time. All the technology and information he’d no longer have access to.

He suddenly felt a great weight on his shoulders.  It would be a difficult stay. His daughter was closer than before but still so far away.  The future was ten years from now and the present looked bleak. He was alone, a man out of time, no one he could talk to about his life, trapped in a century he would always be an outsider to, never to-

“You can’t sit there.”

He turned to see a waitress frowning at him from the door.  “You’re not supposed to sit there,” she said. “If you want food you can come inside.  But we’re closing soon so you’d better be quick.”

“Oh, sorry,” Phil said.  “Uh, no, I’m good for food.”  He showed her the paste. “I’m on a budget right now, anyway.  I’ll get out of your way.”

“That doesn’t look very tasty,” she said, wrinkling her nose at the paste as he got to his feet.  “Why don’t you come inside? We’ve got some decent treats.”

“Love to,” he sighed.  “Can’t. On a budget. Had a bit of a downgrade in the money department and I’ve got to make do with what I’ve got.”

“Oh,” she said, glancing back inside.  “Wait right there,” she told him before she dashed into the diner.  Less than a minute later she came back with a slice of cake and a disposable cup full of steaming liquid.  “Here,” she said holding them out to him.

“Uh,” he said, scratching his head.  “Yeah, that budget is really tight so I can’t-”

“It’s fine,” she promised, passing him the food and drink before she settled onto the steps herself.  “I know what it’s like having to get used to a different lifestyle. But it’s usually not as bad as you first think it’ll be,” she said, patting the steps beside her invitingly.  “What’s your name?”

“Phillip,” he said, hesitating a moment before he sat down beside her.

“Hi Phillip,” said the young blonde girl with the kind smile.  “My name is Pacifica. And I’m here if you need me.”

 

* * *

 

Axel limped into the room, unaccustomed to her new leg as she approached the figure at the desk.  “I want a new leg,” she grunted, motioning towards the new limb. “This one’s crap and I demand something better.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n!” growled the person at the desk, giving a salute and grinning.

Axel stared at them for a moment, then glanced down at the metallic limb, the lack of a foot making it more akin to a spider’s leg than a human.  “Oh, a pirate joke,” she muttered. “How clever. Don’t you think that kind of humour’s beneath you?”

“Clearly not or else I wouldn’t have said it,” came the reply, the person getting to their feet and sliding over the desk to meet her.  “Quit complaining, there are worse things to lose than just a foot. And relax! You’ll get used to the leg in no time.

Axel grunted in response.  “So what are we going to do now?  When’s our next move?”

“Always so eager to rush towards the action, aren’t you?  Still, that’s what I like about you.” The figure strode over to a case at the side of the room and opened it to collect the ancient book inside.  “I knew you’d fail, believe it or not. I knew that Mabel Pines would come to this time. That Pink would be sent back to the past. It’s all going perfectly.”

“Yeah?” asked Axel, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.  “How’d you know that? You got one of those - what are they called - crystal cubes that can see the future?”

“Crystal balls,” the figure corrected, returning to their desk and carefully flicking through the pages.  “And no, I don’t have one of those. I don’t need to know the future, just the past. Which I do. I know exactly what’s going to happen in Gravity Falls.”

“That’s impossible,” said Axel, but there was doubt in her voice.  Her arms fell to the side as she considered the person in front of her.  “The temporal storm makes it too unreliable to scan that area effectively from the outside.  And even if you could, the TPAES put a block on the town and the Zodiac’s entire families, deleting every record of them.  Hell, Pink’s reports won’t even be allowed to mention them! No one knows their history or future!”

“Oh my dear ex-Commander Axel,” sighed the leader of the Cipher Cult, shaking their head.  “Surely you of all people should know that time is relative,” they said, standing as they closed the book shut.  The ancient blue book with a golden pine tree symbol on the front, a corner stained with dried blood.

THE END

 

* * *

 

_Well that story resulted in some key scenes happening earlier than I’d originally intended.  But this story is also noteworthy for featuring my very first retcon. Hopefully it will also be my last._

_I 100% believed that Robbie had known about the subliminal message in that song.  I was going to make a big deal of it. I mean, that’s pretty evil. Honestly, if I’d started this story a week earlier then Phil’s confrontation with Robbie would have ended a lot worse for the teen.  I was only half-way through Chapter 7 when I learned the episode commentary explains that the messaging didn’t work and Robbie didn’t even know about it, he really did just steal the song. He was a stupid, selfish liar who took his girlfriend for granted but he wasn’t evil.  They admit in the commentary that they should have made it clearer and every other fanfic I can think of seems to suggest the writer believed the same as I did.  I didn't even know that there was any doubt about it, I was so convinced._

_I’d already written Robbie admitting to the mind control in chapter 5 but realised that was the only direct reference he made about it.  The rest was just unspecific comments about guilt over how he treated Wendy. I debated whether I should edit that one line or not and eventually decided to do it.  I didn’t really plan any themes when I started writing these stories but forgiveness and acceptance seem to have become part of them and I was worried it would be pretty hard for Robbie to earn forgiveness for the crimes Phil accused him of.  I would have to bring it up constantly and have Robbie try for a long time to redeem himself, all while having characters like Dipper and Phil struggle or even refuse to forgive him. This just suits my story better and let me have a nice touching scene between him and Wendy.  Besides, this helps to show that, despite his knowledge from the future, Phil doesn’t know everything._

_Anyway, I hope you liked Phil because he’s going to be the most recurring of my original characters.  We’ll be seeing him again before the summer ends. Which could be next year at the rate I’m writing these things, but I’ve no intention of stopping when I’ve just started!  I’m in this for the long haul. Speaking of, don’t expect to see Axel or the Cipher Cult again anytime soon, time is more fluid for them and they can afford to wait. I’m talking next summer in Gravity Falls at the earliest.  Might’ve introduced them too soon but I wanted to bring Phil in early and their stories tie together too well to do one without the other. Time will tell if I’ve made a mistake._

 


End file.
